Jan 31, 2014


Yeah, this was bad enough....but then, today, I saw this:

Just stop it, people.

Jan 30, 2014


A few days ago, I got a call from a stern robot librarian about a book that was "overdue."
It took me a while to realize which, but I finally figured it out.

 Like so many men before, I'd fallen under the siren spell of the Gabors.

I know the librarians are silently judging me.
Even the robot ones.
I mean, I know I would be.
But whatever.

This tome is  750 odd pages, a goulash of gossip and trash.   Too much for me to digest in fact.
I had to return it before I even got to page 300.
I was getting heartburn.
Besides, that 90 cent fine wasn't going to pay itself.

But that's why I'm here, to save you all the time and trouble of having to sift through the boring parts. Let me get straight to the point:


Penis is always the point of anything, right?

 It seems much of the 750 pages of this tome is about penis.
 (But, surprisingly, not Zsa Zsa's.)

Anyway, here, for your delectation, are some random quotes:

"At a luncheon in London, G. B. Shaw made outrageous claims to Zsa Zsa about his first meeting with a future queen he defined as a 'little harpie and an annoying vixen'".
"'Even though I didn't have to, I was naked under the blanket,' Stewart Granger later said.  'It made me more authentic in the role, and it gave the gay men on the crew a thrill when I stripped down. So why not?'"  
"Although the decadent (King) Farouk was said to have the 'tiniest penis' in Egypt' Zsa Zsa always maintained that he raped her..."
"Earlier in that day, Rubi, learning for the first time that Lance had homosexual tendencies, called him aside. He whispered to his stepson to be, 'Go ahead, feel it. Forget about that small dick of Cary Grant. I've got one that stretches to the moon.'" 

"The stars and hookers George Raft bedded....referred to his penis as 'Black Snake'"

Aboard a flight to Paris "...Zsa Zsa sat next to a young woman 'with kinky hair and bad skin'": Jacqueline Kennedy."
"To borrow a line from Frank Sinatra, Zsa Zsa's former rapist, she did it Her Way..."

Jan 22, 2014

Love will (not) keep us together

I don't know if you all have heard the terrible news yet...
but frankly I am devastated.
Devastated I tell you!
Is nothing real? Nothing true? Nothing sacred?!

Anyways, in honor of a muskrat love gone bad,
I offer you a few select pages of my very own Captain and Tennille fan book.

I found this treasure a while back at a book fair.
It was a castoff from an elementary school library.
I snatched it up for my dear friend Michael before anyone else could get their filthy hands on it.

It resides with him  now, hopefully in a crystal reliquary, illuminated by holy candles.

It was part of the "Rock'n Pop Stars" series, apparently.  

I'm sure that "Charley Pride" volume must fetch top dollar on ebay, right?  

Sadly, the words of this classic will taunt us forevermore with their tawdry hypocrisy: 

Jan 14, 2014

check, please.

Such a lovely way to end a meal.

(pen handed to me with the bill the other day)

The tacos were delicious.

Jan 9, 2014

Mystery Date: à la française!

Who will YOU choose?
Marc-Dénis- he loves fondue, après-ski, and the feeling of tight trousers.
Jean-Georges- He is an avid tobacconist, poet, and paedophile

Jean-Claude.  He loves the Cinéma, wiretapping, philately and fellatio.
Frédéric-Paul -He loves Chopin, Debussy and Wings

René-Édouard-  He loves horticulture, cigarettes and Jean Claude.

Jan 5, 2014

A Brief Memo from Fabulon...

Via our much beloved monarch of Fabulon himself, Thombeau.

Jan 3, 2014

Living Large with Marje

In my new years attempt to be more...um...gay gracious,  I'm boning up by reading  
Living Artfully: At Home with Marjorie Merriweather Post.

It teaches us all how to be as gracious as she was.

And now I'm here to bore you with it!

Anyway, I'm sure steps 1-20 are "be born an heiress,"
so I'll just have to skip to step 24 or so:

24. Butlers.....and boiseries And lots of 'em!

30. Match your gloves to your hair

34. Put up a goddamned Christmas tree  (done) 

43.Chandeliers.   Here seen in her famous winter retreat Mar-a-Lago
56. Insist that ladies and gentlemen wearing stilettos put on plastic heel caps.

60. Never let your hair outshine your guests.  Here's Marje with Lady Bird's hair.
69.  Find some alone time.  Her bedroom's "Do not Disturb" sign 

76. Soft pink light in the morning.  Her bathroom, with remote control....pink remote control
80.  serve your Birdseye frozen food on Limoges. (done)