How hot is it down here?

Not as hot as it is down there. Gotta love New Orleans.

Recently seen....

Because nothing says "I love you" better than a...

a hot pink cheetah on stripper pole

a roulette shot set

A chocolate Pickup truck

a sincere compliment

Things that Actually Exist...

(Recently seen)

a. Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil...for Kids.

b. Scented Duck Tape, for the tape sniffers in your life

c. The Lego Presidential Assassination collection, for the budding sociopath

d.The "One Hundred Percent 'Murican" Party pack (rebel flag beer koozie not included)

e. George Burns doll, for the 80 year old little girl in all of us.

f. See illustration D

We Four Queens.....

So, while glancing at a leftover Christmas gift bag, I noticed that there was an extra "King" in the background of the Nativity scene.

Then I noticed the lovely earring and eye shadow...oh, and his cute young thing in ermine.
I guess this is Balthazar's um..."special friend".

Wonder what fabulous fourth gift they brought to the Christ child?

Seems apporpriate....

...considering this infernal heat.

(#I'llseemyselfoutthanks)
 

"Bedside Tables" (or "My mother is so rude")

The other day I had this conversation with my mother:

Me: "I'm looking for some new bedside tables. I hate the ones I have."
My mother: "I don't know why. Nobody but you is going to ever see them."

Bitch.

But she's probably right.
ahem

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway... When I moved (post losing everything in Katrina),
I had nothing, including money.
 In haste, I bought the two cheapest tables I could find.

You know them...the kind in your grandma's house under the chintz.
Meanwhile, they've been sitting next to my bed harboring dust for a decade.
A decade!


Every time I looked at them I felt disgust
Not a good way to wake up.

Spurred on by my mother's rudeness, I hunted all over the thrift stores and consignment shops in the metro area for new ones.
I never could find what I wanted for a price I could afford, so again I had to settle (compromise).
I got tired of looking. 
One day, I found two....not my ideal, but on sale!....and with drawers!...and legs to keep the dust bunnies from hiding! and suitably faggy for even me!

Of course, both, however, had hideous paint jobs.  That's why they were so cheap.
One painted like a distressed pumpkin, the other in what my mother calls "baby shit" green.
 Ick
So I got them home and repainted them something boring and neutral (like my soul)...and voila!, now they're not-being-seen-by-anyone-else-but-me all across the globe!

recent random randomness...

The past few days I've been blessed by being able to visit with friends.

I tried for like a whole minute to figure a clever way to organize these photos into a cohesive narrative with a message and a theme, but...um.... I'm just too lazy.

Sorry.

Instead, here's a photo dump of badly taken cell phone photos.
Enjoy!

Anyway, I was fortunate enough to spend the 4th with the ever-charming Mr. Peenee and the completely wonderful Diane. Delightful!

First up are these books found by kismet on Independence Night. They were nestled in a pile of  strays left on some poor soul's stoop (no doubt being evicted for inability to pay her rent)  Finally... at last.... I'll now know what to do with my life.

At Goodwill, Diane's legendary thrift store mojo led me to this.  Some sort of handmade snow dowager.  Is there anything sadder than a widowed snow-woman?

Aaaand, why yes, apparently there is something sadder.

Yesterday, one of my best friends, Michael, unexpectedly came into town.  Naturally, we went record shopping. He bought some.  I did not. Frankly, I don't have the energy to be dropping needles on records.  It's all too exhausting.  I did, however, snap a few pictures.

I found these two in the "beautiful manly hair sings" section.  

Speaking of " beautiful manly hair sings"

Afterward,  we had a drink at the newly renovated St. Roch Market, which seems to have been turned into a very yuppie food court, but that's not necessarily a criticism. 

I had something called the "Mary Pickford".  Because, I mean, of course I did.  Michael had the manlier (ha!) drink (some sort of mongrel margarita with black pepper and salt around the rim)

We took a walk to the newly opened Crescent Park, which seemed like less a "park" than a really nice open air space.  This is a view from the walkway to it

And here's a view of the city from the "park"

beadazzled

Just a few of the uses I've seen around town for wayward Mardi Gras beads

decorating the railings

Decorating the palm trees

discouraging hipsters

Filling in potholes

Recently seen....

In the discount aisle at Walmart.
Hmm....looks like someone is planning a hot date night

Still Life

Bible on Urinal

(seen tonight @TGIFridays) 

Hmmm...call me old fashioned, but I'm not sure I appreciate this.


Thankyouverymuch.

recently seen things that I do not own:

Venus caught in a rain shower of oil. (The height of sophistication in my childhood)

Portrait of Dominique Devereux (to hang facing the Alexis Carrington Colby portrait in my mind)

Full scale model of the US capitol (with ceramic magnolia and wooden Xmas elf)

10 full feet of model ship (to suspend from ceiling...or to put in the bathtub)

French perfume dispenser (to replace the Renuzit Adjustable in my bathroom)

Just. Wrong.

(recently seen items that actually exist)

Bible Origami: in case your regular origami is a tad too Satanic

Electric Gravy Boat Warmer: for the countless times you've wished you had an electric gravy boat warmer

Dog Hair: for "the fashion conscious hound"

Mexican gnomes: for the multicultural lawn display

Fair and Handsome skin lightener: for that big job interview

Cotton Candy Yogurt: like a circus.... of yogurt!

Guy Fieri Chip Clips: to shut this stupid douche's fat mouth up clip your chips!

Velveeta Ranch Salad Dressing: to accurately simulate vomit in cute practical jokes

Lawn Jockey: to decorate your lawn after you've used Fair and Handsome

why, yes, it *is* a live sized needlepoint nude

Disgusting filth from around town

Filthy Muff-a-liciousness in the windows

Shower with a Tricky Dick at the thrift stores

Lips and more lips in the Co-ops

Scatological Suppers in the discount stores

Homosexual pornography in the record stores

Homosexual pornography in the record stores

TMI at the burger joints

Big giant cocks on the walls