Jan 30, 2010

Three things from the last 30 minutes:




1.Netflix finally delivers a copy of "Little Ashes".
2.Found a dollar floating in the gutter.
3.New sex offender just moved into the neighborhood.

Things are clearly looking up!

Jan 29, 2010

night at the ballet

Tonight I spent a lovely evening watching sinewy, hairy men leap about in tutus.
Big deal, I know. I can hear you from here.
You can see that pretty much on a Wednesday night in the quarter, you say?

I know, but these guys dance...and they're sober.
The Ballet Trockadero de Monte Carlo performed here for the first time in like more than twenty years.

They were great...just the right mixture of slapstick mixed in with really beautifully done dance.
You expect the humor, but the ballet is just as wonderful too.

By the way, the sight of a tiny male dancer (Chinese in a blond polyester wig) dancing with a six foot two ballerina (o?) never gets old. Never.

Alas, I found myself distracted at intermission by the sight of a guy I'd once had a blind date with....an hour of my life spent listening to a three foot long mullet and a waxed moustache...an hour of my life that I will never get back.
Never.

More interesting in the audience was a perfect doppelganger of Yves St. Laurent as a twenty year old, complete with French accent.

Thankfully, unlike my night at the opera last year, no one had a chronic farting problem....well, at least in the audience.

Because I bought my ticket at the last moment, I had to sit alone, way up in the nosebleed seats. From there for at least 1/3 of the performance one would never have known all the dancers were male. That's how good they were.





"SVELTLANA LOFATKINA. Lyrical, lissome,long-legged Sveltlana, "The Chernobyl Cherub," has produced "frissons" in audiences on every continent but two with her ineffable delicacy and refinement.

This limber gamine has captivated hearts since her auspicious debut as Talyusha, the Left Nostril, in the ballet drawn from the The Nose by N. Gogol."




















MINNIE VAN DRIVER. Always running from rehearsals, costume fittings and
performances, Miss Driver has a strong sense of movement. She has performed
world wide and has a natural aptitude for touring. Famous for her beautiful port
de bras, she gives credit to her many hours behind the wheel.




Jan 26, 2010

How to have style


Never underestimate the power of accessories.

(strangely (?) enough this picture seems the most popular on my little photoblog )



If you got it, flaunt it. Chubby Style = Extra.



See rule one.




Les ascots et cigarettes sont toujours très chic.

Jan 24, 2010

Super!


Oh. my. God.
This city has gone absolutely insane.
The fireworks are popping right now and there's one long sustained scream of joy from everywhere I can hear.

So happy!

Here's my favorite quote from the Times Picayune about the state of the city currently:


"Chris Owens*, who never ever cancels a show, has canceled her show Sunday evening so she can watch the New Orleans Saints battle the Minnesota Vikings for the NFC Championship.

Owens will watch the game from the comfort of her French Quarter home, said backup singer Ernestine Moses, who couldn't manage to get the evening off. She is bartending because Owens opened her showroom for fans to watch the game.

At Big Daddy's strip club, Sandy Dalon was working the door, enticing customers to come inside. She said that although the game will not be broadcast inside the club, each dancer is wearing a Saints jersey which, of course, they will take off."
* Legendary 300 year old New Orleans showgirl extraordinaire

read the rest here

Jan 23, 2010

Jan 22, 2010

Jan 21, 2010

meme!

I know I've already bored you all to tears with dull facts about myself several times before, so I'm really scraping rock bottom here....but, hey, I'm a trouper, so here goes:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

Thank you to the ever debonair tjb at Stirred, Straight Up, with a Twist

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.


(sheesh, it's kind of a hideous thing there, isn't it? sorry.)

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

I'm one step ahead of you there, bud.

4. Name seven things about yourself that people might find interesting. (uhhh..."might" being the key word.)


1. When I first began college I intended to become an architect.

That's why I even chose the university to which I went. My father is an engineer and that was the only "artistic" pursuit of which he approved. (and only barely). I'd actually taken a course before college, learning to draw up blueprints and the rudiments of architecture. I did fairly well in it until my sophomore year in college....until I realized that math skills seemed to be oddly important. Liberal Arts, here I came.

2.

I'm actually a pretty good cook...well, I think I am. However, I rarely do it anymore. I have a kitchen with barely running water and no dishwasher...and there's no one around here to cook for but me...and what fun is that? But that still doesn't stop me completely. I've had to curtail the midnight
baking, though. It was getting crazy there for a while.

3. I was a vegetarian for a few years in my twenties, until it took a toll on my hair. Vanity always wins over good intentions.




4.I think I'm the most poorly traveled person I know. Sadly, I've never been to Europe (or at least yet). I've only ever left Louisiana perhaps twenty or so times in my life. I've never been further west than El Paso, or further east than NYC. I have made a conscious effort, however, to remedy this in the past four or so years.


5. I love naked women, but then that's been established here before.


6.My new favorite color of the moment is a sort of Nile Blue. (like these pillows I just bought).




7. I can be somewhat of a flakey newagey sort....but I keep it (fairly) well hidden. I mortify myself sometimes. I'm not above making fun of flakey newagey sorts who are even flakier and newageier than I am, however.


Jan 20, 2010

Jan 19, 2010

Jan 18, 2010

uh oh





"Christ's Army (ChristsArmy) is now following your tweets on Twitter."

Terrifying email I just now received.
Oh, how I long for the days of Russian Mail Order Bride spam.

date night



Tulips I bought myself today.

Gee, what now? Should I take myself to a movie? Maybe "Broken Embraces"? Maybe just stay in instead.

Hmmmm
But don't get any ideas, buddy...I'm not putting out.
I'm not that easy...well, unless I pay for dinner.

One day


Jan 17, 2010

Hurts: "Wonderful Life"



thanks as ever to michael

Jan 16, 2010

no lie

On the Westbank* today at Target, I parked, nestled between three SUVs with ubiquitous Islamic prayer stickers** on their back windows. The place was thronged with hijab clad housewives, their children running absolutely wild.

Walking toward me is a 6'4" black tranny*** dressed in Rodarte for Target**** sucking on a diet coke*****.

I exit the parking lot, only to see....walking past a new Pupuseria******, just past the Cao Daiist******* temple, an Amish family of three....in full regalia, I'm talking straw hats, bonnets, beards, the whole shebang******* seemingly making their way to Burlington Coat Factory.


* my sacred homeland (suburban New Orleans)


**


***

****
(less hot approximation)

*****(sacred drink of my homeland)

******

(pupusas)

*******


********

Jan 15, 2010

stuff I kind of need right now

This house

Charlotte Perriand bookcase

Groovy paint by numbers set


This room....or at least its color combination.



Toile tattoo dolls


Portable fireplace


Trash bags




a dishwasher.

today's lesson:

For some reason, among other things, the job of writing letters of recommendation around here seems to have fallen to me.
Ahem
Students are constantly pestering me. Anyway, to make them more personal, I usually ask for a list of accomplishments I can mention, something from them to help jog my memory.

The counsellor makes them write an "Academic Resume" (two things I never had in high school....an "academic resume"...or a counselor for that matter, but that's a story for another time), so they often give me this. Somehow I don't think the counsellor reads them, however.

This morning Markisha*, a sweet, shy girl in the "Abstinence education" club, who needed a rec. politely handed me hers.

It began:
Markisha Jones
123 Main St.
New Orleans, LA 70056

Sexi_gurl_out da_9ward_09 @ aol.com
Uh...and that's when she and I had to have a talk.


Jan 12, 2010

1001 Sandwiches

Sometimes when I'm bored I like to go to the library and check out poor, lonely old books, you know the ones no one seems to ever check out. Today I found this lovely little one
sitting on her own.
It hadn't been checked out since March of 1970. I flipped through it and couldn't resist taking her home.

When I opened the inner jacket and saw this:
"There are all kinds for all tastes and occasions---for men and women, old and
young, eupeptics and dyspeptics; for lunch, tea, late supper, picnics---the
largest and most complete collection ever put forth in book form"

I was hooked.

A "eupeptic" is a gay, right? I'm pretty sure I'm a eupeptic.




It was published in 1928 in Boston, and the recipes are quite fascinating...if often uneatable. Here's a sampling of Mrs. Cowles's genius at work:

"Tomato Soup Sandwich:
Spread rye bread with creamed butter and cover with a leaf of lettuce. Spread undiluted tomato soup, canned, on the lettuce, cover with another leaf and then with he other slice of bread."

"Cauliflower sandwich", "Yeast Sandwich", "Baked Bean sandwich" ("Press three cups of cold baked beans through a sieve..." and then she lost me...)



There are a number of recipes for the charmingly named "Hamburg Sandwiches"


I decided to forgo the ominous sounding "Emergency Sandwich"



(Put six sweet pickles though the food chopper, also five
boiled eggs. Salt and pepper to taste. Cream two tablespoons of peanut butter
and one of prepared mustard....")

and make a watercress, cucumber, tomato sandwich instead.

I'd never actually had a watercress. It's one of those things that I've read about all the time, but never have, like sex.

So I went the the Asian market and found some watercress (much cheaper than at Whole Foods) and some cucumbers and tomatoes. I bought some white bread and butter and voila.It's actually pretty good. Here's to Mrs. Cowles, the Scherezade of Sandwiches!

Jan 11, 2010

two products I didn't know about until today:

Patti Labelle sheets (would you expect anything less than leopard?)



Chakalates (by Chaka Khan)



Valentines day is coming up.
Put on some Keith Sweat and you got it covered.