Jul 29, 2013

"There is Nothing Like a Dame"

The other day at the library I found this trashy little number on the shelves.
(Actually, it was rather thick, as befits its subject matter, I suppose.) 

Of course, I had to have a seat and glance through it.
It did not disappoint.  

This is the Liz book that needs to be filmed...even if it might require some CGI and work by Pixar.

 Anyway, here are a few excerpts that made me howl intrigued me:

Exhibit A.

 "She told Dick that Johansson was 'an absolute powerhouse in bed. I felt like three pounds of Swedish sausage was pounding inside of me...'"

This line provoked a chuckle. (and a quick image search for "Ingemar Johansson's three pound Swedish Sausage")

Ingemar himself

Rough approximation of Ingemar's sausage

Exhibit B.

Of course when I read this:

"You mean Peter?' Roddy said. 'Of course we're still friends even though we no longer bump pussies together.'"

I fell out.
I mean really?
Are you not laughing now too? 

I laughed so loudly that I risked the librarian's proverbial ire.

I mean, I don't know about you, but I couldn't help but hear it coming from this mouth:

Good times, Good times.

Jul 27, 2013

Hair Show (part deux)

Again,  to improve my job at the salon, I've been dutifully working on my craft.
My casting couch styling chair's never been busier.
But who's pretty enough for the much coveted title of " Mr. July Hair, 2013"?
Who should it be?

Here's page two of my portfolio
a. Rolph, rocking "The Quiffster"
b.Trevor, sporting "(Push Push in) the Bush"
c. Kenny with "The Kenny G."

d. Jean Phillippe in "The Aquanet/Deskfan"

e. Sven in "The Breck Girl"

f. John Thomas sporting "The Matron of Honor"
g. Timmy in "The Bang/ Flip"

Jul 26, 2013

Naughty Tomato

Today, while perusing the aisles of our local Indian Market, I happened upon these and had to buy them.

I mean what kind of freak sees Naughty Tomato snacks and doesn't buy them? No one I want to know, that's who.

They don't taste all that great actually, but, really, who cares?

Just No.

Um....this needs to stop.

(recently seen at Walmart, natch)

By the way, I have a bible, and it totally doesn't even say that.  
So there.

Jul 24, 2013


we celebrate the birthday of these three fierce divas: 

oh, and me too.

Jul 19, 2013

Important Information for a Better Life

fig. 1

fig. 3

fig. 4

fig. 5.
fig. 6.

fig. 7.
fig. 8.

Jul 18, 2013

"all a woman can do is smile back"

Seen today at Goodwill.
A masterpiece of post-Feminist neo-Fauvism, I'd say.

La Babysitter

So last night on the way home from seeing The Met's production of "La Traviata" with John

(at the multiplex no less.
The ladies in front of us had champagne flutes, the ladies in the back had nachos. Not that I'm complaining.)

I was (of course) listening to Betty Wright.

I couldn't help but think that any number of Betty's songs should be made into an opera.
Am I right?

For instance maybe this one (the classic "Baby sitter")
This could be the aria:
"I should have been aware of the babysitter I should have known from the jump yeah She was a man getter So girls if you want your man And no one else Buy yourself some sizzle pants And babysit your baby yourself"

Or maybe "You're a Hoe".
 It does have a better plot.

Jul 16, 2013

Mixed Up

Meanwhile, I've gotten somewhat fond of wandering the halls and stairwells of the hospital past midnight. 
On the weekend it's nearly deserted....and cold as a morgue.
It's like being trapped in a creepier version of From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweiler.


Jul 3, 2013

How will you be spending your fourth?

A. Eating a hotdog

B. Saluting the Fa Flag  

C. Waving Old Glory

D. All of the above

E. None of the above

Jul 1, 2013

Happy Canada Day, y'all!

Because it's a NIHG tradition....and because it
requires repeated viewing if,you know, maybe, want to, like, recreate it in your bedroom 
to appreciate it fully.