Dec 29, 2014

meet my new friends

Once upon a time I had some fish.
I had a black molly and a white one.
So I named them Othello and Desdemona.
That was a bad idea.
Othello ate Desdemona.
But that was ten years ago.
Things will be different now, right?

My new little fish are much humbler sort...and less aggressive.

I like to think they're in love.

Now they need names. Thus far, here are some of my ideas:

a.Abelard and Heloise
b.Paolo and Francesca
c.Kim and Kanye
d.Tristan und Isolde
e.Liz and Dick

Dec 20, 2014

A Very Fanny Christmas

"Mincemeat, The Cinderella of Christmas Cooking."
I'm promptly incorporating "dour little things" and "lashings of mincemeat" into my vocabulary as soon as I see the opportunity.

I love how she has "Sarah, my dear Sarah" in a housecoat, while she is in full drag. 
Role model.

Dec 14, 2014

let's go for a walk!

Yesterday, some friends and I took a little walk to the record store.

(why yes, you did read that right. And yes, it is 2014. 

I think.) 

Anywho, like any such quixotic quest, it was absolutely fraught with danger.

Walking through Bywater on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, addled by one too many bloody marys, we seemed to encounter horror after horror:

Rudolph prepared for a Christmas sacrifice.
The cactus of the severed heads of Santa

Scary Claus

Something scarier still.  You just know she's the mastermind behind Rudolph's death.
Thank Santa for small miracles

And big cocks

Dec 7, 2014

A page rom the NIHG Wishbook 2014

A. The Man muff: for those Dr. Zhivago nights
B.Sweaters for Bottoms
C.Fanfares, for a moving experience!
D.Lighter, for when you want to be hit
E.Purses, for when you need to hit a  bitch
F. Kaftans, for when you need more Kaftans
What do you want from Santa?

Dec 2, 2014

FMK: The "how to have style" edition

1.Blaine: professional aerobicizer/semi-professional accessorizer
2.Calvin: fashion designer/ Walmart stocker
3.Walter: Accountant/Dominatrix

Nov 21, 2014

Night is still half gone...

I can only imagine what those poor souls who stumble upon this site must think about it here...
posts that vacillate wildly from cheesy pictures to whiny posts (like this one).

I'm surprised no one gets whiplash.
 Come to think of it, I suppose that's what the innards of my mind look like too. 
Scary thought.

Ok, so I'm sad. Well, maybe more lonely than sad. Yeah, I know, I'd be tired of my bitching about it by now too.

Actually, when I look at it objectively, it's strange, my loneliness, seeing as I'm pretty damned good at being alone, if I say so myself....certainly better than most people I know. I mean, I am an only child after all, and except for a few shining years or so, I've been single my entire life.  Being alone is second nature to me. It's been my life. I dine alone, go to movies alone, clean alone, live alone, sleep alone.  And despite this post, I do a pretty good job of hiding my loneliness when it rears its ugly head.

But recently it seems like my little world has imploded.

The death of my best friend, my only single gay male friend in the city left, sometimes hits me hard in the most unexpected ways.  Like now. Like the holidays.  And now that I am all-too single again, I'm feeling it all the more acutely.

When I mentally go down the list of friends and former friends, it reads something like this:
"busy with partner", "busy with work", "found jesus", "busy with spouse", "moved", "moved and busy with partner", "busy with not-me". "dead".
Not to mention, the whole tenuous network of acquaintances I had with my ex (21 mutual, by facebook's estimation) has now dissolved like a phantom.  Like it never really existed at all.
In re-reading this I realize this sounds overly harsh of me, overly critical of the friends I have. I am truly grateful for them, I really am. I love them all dearly, but, well, that doesn't seem to keep me from feeling lonely.

But never let it be said that I don't try.
A few weeks ago, in a pique of desperation, after yet another failed attempt to schedule dinner with a friend ("Sorry, hun, I can't make it. How about in a few months?"), I found myself on Craigslist.
It'd be easier to find a hitman there than a friend.  But I tried anyway.

I posted a very platonic ad seeking a gal pal.  I mean, again, not to brag, I think I'd make some gal a pretty good gay pal.
A week or so later a girl answered, she seemed cool. We chatted a while....mostly one sided: me asking her questions, her responding. We made plans to meet.  She suggested we meet at a club in the quarter...late on a Wednesday night.  I apologized and said I couldn't stay out that late on a school night, and asked if she'd like to have dinner on the weekend.  She had to work that weekend, but agreed to dinner sometime in the future, and then she disappeared, clearly bored by my stick-in-the mudness.  Turns out I was not the Will to her Grace she had in her mind. I'm dull.

Sometimes, I wonder if the window of opportunity has passed me by for making new friends, you know,
 like it has for having sex... or wearing skinny jeans.

So here I am in the middle of a sleepless night, listening to church bells, bitching into the ether about my pathetic life...again.....bringing me back, ironically, full circle to the origins of this sad little blog.

Nov 12, 2014

Nov 6, 2014

Marla! with special guest stars Diana Ross and Michael Jackson

Why yes, it is a Marla Gibbs doll (as 227's "sharp-tongued inner city resident Mary Jenkins")!

In its original box.

At the public library.
For some reason, however, they wouldn't let me check it out.

Oct 18, 2014

Let's take a drive to the Lake...

The lighthouse

My ship, not coming in

Shelter for Number 1

My ship STILL not coming in dammit

Shelter (for Number 2?)
Something you will not find at Shelters 1 or 2  (but after doing a shameless hairpin U-Turn you might manage to barely avoid killing yourself and snap a surreptitious picture of)

Oct 9, 2014

God speed, sweet Jan

I don't know about you all, but how I loved me some Jan Hooks! Truly saddened to hear about her passing today. I'd been wondering where she was just not long ago. Here's just one of my favorite characters of hers:

merry halloween-mas!

yes, it's that time of year again

Oct 3, 2014

À la recherche du porn perdu....

Sometimes, in my relentless pursuit of  porn    artistic images 
I stumble upon one that I remember all too vividly from that misty water-colored pubescent era, the time before porn. Ah memories....

 Here are a few that seared themselves into my little psyche.

Formative images, each one.  I'm sure you all have your own.
I remember this well, especially Mr. Burgundy Briefs there
And then there's this Cowboy, whose underwear looks to my adult eyes, like photoshop.  Was it painted on?

And well, gee, lookee here. Here he is again.  With a hat!
And then there's this. Oh, how often I dreamed of such a conversation to happen in my future! I mean, not enough to buy Paco Rabanne or anything, but still....
And then there's good old Jim here.  The most I ever probably cared about baseball...or dacron.