Dec 30, 2012

Ten reasons I left Les Miserables early:

1. The fact that this was *not* the poster.

2. The fact that for 2 hours or more, no sign of Hugh Jackman's penis.

3. The "singing"

4. The fact that I hadn't really wanted to see it in the first place, just the costumes, and Hugh Jackman's a costume.

5. The 60 something couple behind me who kept talking: ("Oh my god...listen honey, that's that song by Susan Boyle!")

6. Betsy, the 90 year old immaculately dressed hunchback sitting next to me, (with what I hope is Tourette's), who screamed bloody murder at the top of her lungs during the trailers.
Three times: Loud.

7. The indignant "theatre" gays who lisped out an angry "Will you PLEASE be quiet!" at Betsy.
Thee times: Loud.

8. The fact that I had to pee.

9. Betsy's  70 something friends who yelled. "Shut up Betsy, you're acting like an asshole!" To which Betsy responded "I don't give a shit!" and then veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery sloooooooowly hobbled her way out of the theater in a huff.

10. The acrid smell of burning plastic.  "You smell that? What's on fire?" 

Dec 23, 2012

From the Trailerparks of Middle Earth

Who needs to see "The Hobbit" in 3D when you can see this in on the truck ahead of you?

Btw, "Bye!" is totally Quenya for "Bitchin'"

Dec 15, 2012

Dear Santa...

here are a few things I need. love, jason
a little my bowl
a vacation

some stamps

a new cellphone
three cars, a yacht and a butler

Dec 12, 2012


 Exhibit B: This clown, whose book I just can't make myself read.
(I'm ashamed to admit I find myself attracted to him....cross eyes and all. dammit)


Exhibit A:
Of course it's dear old Grace Coddington, whose memoir, on the other hand, I'm very much enjoying. She's a delight.
And as Mistress Maddie says, a perfect role model for us all.

Dec 11, 2012

can you guess our mystery guest?

Mystery dates from two of the books I'm looking at the pictures of reading right now.

Ex. A.

Sample quote:
 "I gazed lovingly into my husband's eyes while he, being somewhat shorter than I, stood on a box."

Ex. B.

Sample quote: "'It's like---squishy and mushy a little, and all over my clothes! Gross!'"

Sample thoughts:

1. I find myself attracted to both of them.

2. I am profoundly disturbed by this (moreso by  Exhibit B than to Exhibit A, however.)

2. Who has the better hair?

Dec 5, 2012

Recently seen (no, really)...

Bust of Ronald Reagan (@consignment shop)
a diet coke "3D" puzzle (@ Michael's)

The Ronald Reagan "Graphic Novel" (at DollarTree)
The Diet Coke Xmas ornament (@TJMaxx)

Anyway, I still think Diet Coke would have been a better president.

Diet Coke/Hillary 2016!

You know, one of those Tuesday nights...

when you find yourself alone, on a late night in Target...

wheeling around a box of plastic Christmas ornaments, a kitchen timer, a big ass cup of diet coke and....a bottle of vodka.


Dec 1, 2012

If in the event the winner is unable to fulfill his duties...


via matt adores it

Stick it

I've just returned yet another crowded suburban parking lot where every other SUV has one of these on it.

I groan each time I see one.
Next step, might be a razor blade....(to the window or my wrists, not sure.)

OMG. I may need to kill someone
Just stop it already, people!

Ok, not quite as bad
Finally something I hope to see one day.

Nov 25, 2012

Champagne Slim

Just finished putting up my little Target Xmas tree...for first time in years. Why not, right? What the hell.

Actually, "Six and a Half Foot Champagne Slim" is how I dream of being referred to one day.

Nov 19, 2012

Let's play The Biglots Magical Mystery Game!

A. "The Fine Art" section of Biglots
B. The Venus of Willendorf
C. Mom
D.  Your deepest fear
E. All of the above 


A. Fairy
B. Princess
C. Princess and Fairy
D. Fairy and Princess
E.  None of the above


A. White Trash
B. Better than MoonPie Eau de Cologne
C. Heaven in a cup
D. White Trash
E. None of the above


A.Hello Kitty chewing gum
B. Hello Kitty barrettes
C. Hello Kitty jewelry box
D. Hello Kitty's Manhunt profile
D. None of the above

thought for the day


Bye holy days

So, I took down my old calendar from the refrigerator today...

(thanks to msh)

But it's still not quite time to replace it with the new (sadly, all too Gentile) one I bought today yet. 

Meanwhile, I've been in complete limbo since Tishrei 14.

Nov 16, 2012

Somehow or another...

I find myself on the Hermes catalog mailing list. How'd that happen?
I'm guessing Dollar Tree sold them my name.