Aug 2, 2015

Eight easy steps to losing weight and getting free food

 Brought to you by today's lunch:

1. Order something light, like grilled chicken sandwich
2. Split it with your dining companion.
3. Get distracted from eating by the hot guy across the bar, in the too tight shirt.
4. Remove any cheese or bacon or mayonnaise (from sandwich, not guy)
5. Find a hair on bun, (on sandwich, not guy), a short and red hair
6. Put sandwich down.
7. Stop eating completely as lady in Lexus crashes into dining room because she overshot the parking lot.
8. Get meal free!  (No, I won't be needing a to go box, thanks)

Jul 31, 2015

Ain't nothing going on but the rent

Did I ever mention seeing Jessica Lange at the grocery store?  Well, it was a while back, and it was completely uneventful.
I guess that's the point.  It's no big deal any more.
The point is these Hollywood types (and such) are driving up my rent.

Thankfully, my landlord allowed me to renew my lease a while back.
 I begged and crawled, but I'm a very good tenant.

My rent has gone up however, a good bit.
My salary has not.
My last "raise" was a gift card for a free meal at Popeyes stapled to my contract.
But I'm not complaining. That's more than I've seen in the past five years.
woo hoo!

Popeyes Chicken Ad for popeye's chicken


When I went down to my landlord's plantation mansion to re-sign the lease,
I met the guy who now lives below me.

He was paying a full year's rent in one fell swoop.
Who has that kind of money???
Oh, wait, lots of people.

 He works in the film industry, it seems....wafted in from Hollywood.

It's all good for the city, of course.  It's not the city it was ten years ago, and for that I am grateful,
but, sheesh, I'm just trying to not be driven back into the suburbs by all this gentrification.

Hit it Gwen:

Jul 29, 2015

Jul 24, 2015

and now a word from our sponsors*


 *from Ruth Buzzi, with whom I'm lucky enough to share a birthday today

Jul 23, 2015


So tomorrow is my birthday.
 Today I received another lovely package in the mail.
One that I still haven't been able to bring myself to open.
They're from my friend, Mark.

He's in the later stages of ALS, (Lou Gehrig's disease) a disease I would not wish on my worst enemy.
It's been beyond heartbreaking to watch him go through this.

He, however, has gone through this with remarkable grace. I doubt I ever could be that brave.

He is preparing to die soon, and has been sending me some of his beloved stuff, mostly books and dvds and such.

I am so grateful to have a bit of him, something physical that I can treasure....but I haven't been able to make myself actually open them yet.
 I'm a terrible friend.

Somehow I feel like if I open them, it'll all become real.
Like really real. Stupidly, I want to stay in denial, ignore the truth.

But I'm going to make myself open them tomorrow
I'll have a good long cry, I know.

I just feel so impotent. He lives thousands of miles away from me now, so all I can do is write, but I never know what to say.
 There isn't anything much I can say, except to listen to him....and remind him that he is loved.

And pray. I do a lot of that.
I mean, it might not help, but it can't hurt, right?
That's what I always say.

Anywho, if any of you have any spare good energy or prayers, please send it up his way.

I know it's what I'll be blowing the birthday candles out for again this year.

Jul 20, 2015

"Book Club" or "On checking Grindr in the convent bathroom"

A few months ago, at a repast, a friend of my ex's talked me into her little book club.
She's a social sort, a genteel southern lady.

The books sounded interesting, and I'm always seeking to meet new people, trying to be less of a homebody.
Can't say I don't try.
And she does know a lot of people.

Oh, and there was that time or two she'd shown up with one of her friends, you know, the young gentleman below.

 I mean, I might have remembered that too, I'm not sure.

Alas, nothing like that showed up at the convent for the book club.
Not at all.

Just a gathering of older, erudite ladies....and me.
We met at a convent.
Because, of course we did. Where else would we meet?

After a bit of conversation and snacks, the ladies and I dispersed.

Before leaving, I availed myself of the bathroom, washed my hands and absent mindedly checked Grindr before leaving.
I mean it can't hurt to check, right?
(for which I was both disappointed and relieved)

Jul 14, 2015

A piece of advice

Ever order something just because of the name?

Because it sounds like a whimsical fairy tale character?


Here's my Tôm Mayonnaise.