Oct 26, 2013

insult cosmic

 Yesterday, I went to the mailbox to find this:

             lovely Lane Bryant ad.  

Only to go to facebook and see this "demographically targeted" ad staring me down:


New Orleans Surgeon Dr. Marilyn E. Pelias, MD, FACS. 


Um....not funny, God, 
Not funny.

Oct 22, 2013

Random, scary and recently seen

This ominous sign on the wall of a local restaurant

This ominous bedspread....for those who want to deer hunt while in bed.
The Amish Ominous porn section of our local K-mart.  Tattered Quilt must be Amish bondage porn, right?

Oct 16, 2013

Four Movies Recently Seen

1. The Butler

a. Synopsis in Ten Words or Fewer:

Forrest Gump Goes to Washingon.  With Black People.
And Oprah.

b. Personal Anecdote:
You remember my birthday last year when we were right next door to the filming of a movie and I took those pictures!?  (just pretend, ok?)  Well, it turns out they were filming the scene in which the hateful white people are harassing the freedom riders at the lunch counter.
I mean, I was practically the star of the movie.

c. Best Part:
Drunk Oprah

d. Cute Boy Report:
Alex Pettyfer as the dreamiest white cracker rapist EVAH.


e. jason's final grade:

2. Populaire

a. Synopsis in Ten Words or Fewer:

The Most Glamorous French Typewriter Movie You'll See This Year!

b. Personal Anecdote:
Needless to say, at a late Sunday night showing of The French Typewriter movie in the suburbs, I was the one and only person in the theater.  I got up to pee 3 times without anyone making a comment.  Lovely!

c. Best Part:
The rhinestone cats-eye glasses of our heroine's nemesis, the undefeated typing champion of America.

d. Cute Boy Report:
the dashing Romain Duris....who should never open his mouth,
and always open his shirt.

e. jason's final grade:


3. Don Jon

a. Synopsis in 10 Words or Fewer:
The Jersey Shore Saturday Night Porn Fever...with Julianne Moore.

b. Personal Anecdote:
When the blueberry in John's pre-movie blueberry champagne cocktail turned out NOT to be candied, as was advertised. Scandal! Our world is built on terrible, terrible lies, I tell you. Terrible.

c. Best Part:
Julianne Moore (as always)

d. Cute Boy Report:
Um...the freshly pumped up Joseph Gordon Levitt


e. jason's final grade:


4. Romeo and Juliet

a. Synopsis in 10 words or Fewer:
Really Pretty Teens Try to Bring Cliff's Notes to Life.

b. Personal Anecdote:
As Juliet killed herself, my contact suddenly popped out, falling into the black, nacho cheese-encrusted abyss of the theater floor.
I couldn't see a thing. Thankfully, I kinda know how it all ends.
So I left.

c. Best Part:
(see below)

d. Cute Boy Report:
One Douglas Booth....
who really should have been cast as Juliet.
Yes, he's that pretty.

e. jason's final grade:

Oct 13, 2013

Oct 2, 2013

Newest Items in the 2014 NIHG Wishbook

From our Menswear Department:

D. Hair Caesar Toga $ 22.50,   E. Marrakesh Kaftan $19.95,   F. The Turtleslutsuit $17.95,   G. Tangiers Colorful Print Kaftan 24.95
G. Lace front bondage blouse $15.99,  H. Plaidspenders  $21.50,  I. The Traditional Albanian Peasant Disco  Blouse $18.95       

                                 From our Baby Department
K. Adorable Onesie $12.95
                                  From our Toy Department

Y. Village People Dolls  $12.00 each. (Poppers sold separately).
B. Superman Snuggler, $19.95
                                            From our Kitchen Department
D.   Vegetable Parer $20.00 (Poppers sold separately)  
P. Tupperware Mummifier  $15.99
                           From our Automotive Department
A.  the car interior cozy in extra plush nylon velveteen $99.99