Red Dawn

Long ago, sometime around the end of the Soviet Empire, I amassed a little collection of Soviet memorabilia. Today, rummaging around my mother's house, I found what's left.

There were a few May Day pins and such, a Gorbachev tattoo or two (local manufacture, alas), and up top is a little enamel and gold vodka glass from Russia I rescued from a flea market in the French Quarter.

Every now and then, when I was young, I'd wear a bit of Communist propaganda, in a (lame) attempt at irony. It was always to a disinterested audience.
Suburban New Orleans didn't much care for irony, (it still doesn't). It required more explanation than it was worth, so that was the end of that.
Whatever.
I'm glad I have at least some of it left (Soviet memorabilia and irony both).

"Up"?

Took my mother to see "Up" today. More like "Down".
Not exactly a "feel good" flick. Rather sad in fact, but good just the same.
I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I teared up a bit.
It was overly long and I could have done without the giant birds (go ahead insert your own joke here, you know you want to) or the talking dogs, (insert a joke here too. I know I could), but those seemed to be crowd pleasers.

More crowd pleasing to me, at least, was the voice of Ed Asner. Now why can't Pixar get cracking on a computer animated Mary Tyler Moore, that's what I want to know.

Turbo Heather Extreme

"Whoever said 'blondes have more fun' was right." "Ooooh yeah!"


Again, shamelessly stealing from the ever wonderful sturtle.

Four more things seen in the past hour:

(plus one not seen)

1. A photo shoot in City Park, with a very tall shirtless male model in very
long khaki shorts.

2. The site on the bridge of yesterday's suicide jumper. A policeman was walking about the site, looking for....well, who knows...

3. The doppelgänger of Leslie Jordan,

With wife (?), both nattily dressed: he in a navy suit, she in snappy nautical wear, leaving the drug rehab facility on my mother's street, both with the same shade of nectarine colored hair.

4. A small snarl of traffic caused by some film shoot starring Stallone, Jet Li and Jason Statham.

-1. Not seen at all:

Five things seen in the past hour

A suburban "martini lounge's" "Grape Fizz" martini that tasted suspiciously like grape Kool Aid (which, by the way, is not a complaint).


A 3 foot long raccoon darting nimbly across my busy street, ducking under my neighbor's house.


A very buxom 17 year old doing an impromptu "jazz dance" routine in the "Tuscan" home decor aisle of a very suburban "home decor" store to the tune of Salt-n-Pepa's classic "Push It." (and yes, every one of those quotation marks is warranted.)


A semi-inebriated 70 year old assuring me (unasked for) that she had "a designated driver," and only "came for the men."


A dead rat on my patio.

left behind

"I-know! Yeah-so-but-uh-there-are-like-these-five-women-and-they're-all-pregnant-at-the-same-time-and-the-Rapture-comes-you-know? and-of-course-everyone-is-taken-up-to-glory-but-they're-left-behind-even-though-some-of-them-are-you-know-like-nice-people-and-all-and-then-Satan....
Hello? are you still there?"

Overly enthusiastic, overly plump, under-dressed, early 20s girl on cellphone, behind me on the escalator to the Christian/Gay/New Age/Cookbook section of Barnes and Noble.

The Man on the Roof

"In 1966 and again in 1968 a man heads to the roof of a YMCA to model dozens of pairs of women's bikini bottoms. Then in 1969 and 1972 he heads to the beach to model some more." Man on the Roof

Shamelessly lifted from the wonderful sturtle because it's just so
weird compelling and I'm lazy it deserves to be seen.

"I could slide to the right for a while...."

Heard this unexpectedly today while perusing discounted shoes.
I don't think I'd heard this in 20 years at least....20 years too long.

Julia and Jason

That would be a better title, but, alas, it's not. I keep seeing this trailer at every film I've been to, and I can't help but be excited.

I'm a bit dubious about this whole "Julie" part...looks kind of stupid...and the fact that Nora Ephron is notorious for ruining a good thing in my book....but I don't care.
I can't wait!

The thrill of seeing Meryl playing Julia (I might combust from the excitement of seeing those two as one, but it's a risk I'm willing to take) is more than enough to carry me through.

Plus, Stanley Tucci too? mmmmm...bon appetit indeed.

meme mania

Seems I've just been tagged by the wonderful Mr. Peacock. Very exciting!

His rules are:
1. Respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.

2. Tag eight other un-tagged people.

1. What is your current obsession?
Coincidences. Actually that's a perennial obsession.

2. What do you see outside your window?
When I first read this question, I lamented that I don't have a camera and can't show it, but then I remembered a segment done by the Times Picayune a few months ago with a picture of a fairly approximate view from my window. Here's the pic published with it.
If you look really hard you can actually see my bedroom window.


3. If you could have any super power what would it be?
The ability to shape shift...or to be able to do algebra.

4. What is your favorite color?
Coincidentally (but not surprisingly) Like Mr. Peacock, I like the whole wheel, but if I were forced to choose, I'd have to say red...or cobalt.

5. Who was the last person you hugged?
My friend Lisa.

6. Which animal would you be?
A house cat with an indulgent master, you know, like me.

7. What’s for dinner?
Coincidence! Ironically, mine is the exact same answer as what Mr. Peacock said.
Like him, I will be making "Indian food, but I bought the Naan bread."
I bought the naan a while back however, at Whole Foods. I wheeled around a basketful of frozen Naan, corn chips and brownies, surely the least healthy cart in that store.



8. What’s the last thing you bought?
Milk

9. What are you listening to right now?
The church bells from across the bayou. It's lovely.

10. What are your current favorite films?
Current, as in just seen? hmmm....actually none stand out. Any recommendations?

11. What’s on your beside table?
A brand new polished nickle lamp with square shade, a little nickle plated brass tray with a pen, my watch, my address book, an old fashioned alarm clock which is prone to failing, a plastic digital 3 dollar alarm clock, which seems to have been infected by my old alarm clock and now is prone to failing too.

12. If you could have a house totally paid for, and fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Too hard a question, but let me try: One here in New Orleans, one is the South of France (where I've never been), one in Paris (where I've also never been).

13. What would you like to have in your hands right now?

Someone else.

14. What is your favorite children's book?
Of course, I too could have put From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, but I've already posted about that one once.
Instead, I'll say one of my old books I just found just yesterday in a box at my mother's, one of my very favorites:

Here's a synopsis:
"Andrew Henry is a young 'inventor' whose inventions drive his family to distraction. Feeling unloved, he sets out for a place where he can do as he pleases. After he finds the meadow of the title, he builds a house for himself, and is soon joined by several other children. Everyone gets their own house, and there's a happy ending."

I mean really, this book was tailor made for me. I see they're making a film of it this coming year. I'm not sure how I feel about that, however.

15. What is your favorite tea flavor?
Very, very strong black tea.

16. What is your favorite article of clothing?
Now? Gosh, nothing really. I'd have to say the vintage sport coat from the early 60s I got once at a thrift store, custom made in Hong Kong for some lucky gentleman who was the same size I was 10 years ago.

17. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
The Louvre?

18. What did you want to become as a child?
An artist, an indian, an architect, a king.

19. What posters/pictures do you have on your bedroom wall?
I have two paintings of my own hanging. Gauche, I know.

20. What is your plan for tomorrow?
To leave work as early as I can.

21. What was your first job?
Working in a bookstore. I'd get so flustered every time I'd have to count money I would nearly hyperventilate. umm...I was best kept in the stacks.

22. Say something to the person/s who tagged you:
I wish I had half the style of Mr. Peacock. Seriously.

23.Post a favorite childhood photograph of yourself:
Not necessarily my favorite, but the only one I've scanned. It's still a good one, I think.

So, I've never actually tagged anyone in one of these memes before, and I'm sure no one will indulge me, but I'm curious, so consider yourself tagged:

Marshall at Wander this World
Carlos at Always the hours
Deb at The Ladder
The Mean Dirty Pirate himself
Frontier Psychiatrist
fendor at Fendor
Elizabeth at Love, Elizabeth
ur-spo at Spo Reflections

honest to God

Because Peenee has tagged me with an "Honest Blogger" meme, I need to write "ten honest things" about myself. I think I've written about 500 already, but hey, what's eleven more? Here goes:

1. I don't much like bluntness or honesty, actually, but I can be both when I get really mad. That's never a good thing.

2. I failed remedial algebra twice before I managed to get into real algebra, which I then failed.

3. Three of my favorite foods are cheese, bread and tomatoes, and yet I don't like pizza.

4. I'm a christian, but a bit embarrassed by that fact.

5. Three words I always misspell: embarrassed, parallel, weird.

6. I wish this blog were better.

7. I spent much of my childhood climbing trees, making up stories in my mind about fantasy lands. If I could get back up in a tree today, I think I would.

8.I was notorious in school for not reading having read the novel, but still getting an A.

9.I often find myself envying couples shopping together,
even when they're bickering.

10. I bite my nails when I'm bored or nervous (in other words, all the time).

11. I come from a long line of criminals.

Vaseline: Her Own Story

This afternoon, after work, Carlos, Marshall and I went to the Symphony book fair. I go every year. It's a highlight of my sad little life.
I bought books for my class, a few for myself....but this isn't about me.

No, this about someone far more important.

In the stacks, Carlos found a real treasure. He came up to me and excitedly showed me his treasure:



Then he flipped the pages to show me where the hand of Fate itself had underlined this line:

"One night a week I make it a practice to cover my entire body, forehead to toes, with Vaseline. I buy Vaseline in huge jars for this purpose. I rub it in thoroughly and apply it thickly. I then put on a flannel nightgown and lightweight socks to cover my feet and go to sleep like that." (Hotchner, Doris Day: Her Own Story, p. 291)

I think part of his excitement was because we can't help but be reminded of this infamous Tyra Banks segment:




But Tyra ain't got nothing on Doris.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some lubricating to do.

Watch and learn!

"A small stuffed animal"?
hot!

"she's my favorite girl..."

I wanted to put the Spinner's "Sadie"...but I can't find it.
I guess I could put Tupac's iteration here instead, but I won't.

The youtube copyright fascists have had their way, and the Spinners classic can't be found.
And, well, to be honest, it makes me tear up most every time I hear it anyway. I know, I'm a sap.
So I guess it's for the best.

This, however, only ever makes me giggle.

lunchtime news

Today I had lunch with an old friend. I had hoped it would be just the two of us, but of course, it wasn't. She showed up with one of her two boyfriends, you know, the one she doesn't have sex with, whose father was in the Hitler Youth. Yeah, that one.

While there, she filled me in on the news:


Suicidal pedophile priest friend number 1 is now on twitter, it seems, and insisting that she does too. She refuses to. I don't blame her. I mean really, would you want to see what he twits?

Pedophile priest friend number 2 (the one she infamously tried to set me up on a date with once) is now living in my neighborhood, currently defrocked and working as a lawyer. Doesn't this sound like a perfect plot for a horror film?

Former student of hers was booked in a recent "execution-style triple murder." brutally killing a 19 year old woman, a 23 month old baby, a 6 year old child and wounding an 11 year old. "His grandmother was just as nice as could be," she tells me. "But I think he was a crack baby or something."

Gay ex-husband is now on facebook. She refuses to facebook too. Again, I can't blame her. He's found his first love there, a formerly 400 pound woman who's whittled her way down to 200. "Your weight doesn't bother me," she tells me he told the poor woman. "Of course it doesn't!" she exclaims to me. "He's gay!"
He's clearly leading her to heartbreak, my friend says, but along the way there, he'll be taking a five day cruise to the Caribbean (paid for by the lovelorn, of course) and getting any number of lavish gifts. Cha ching.

All We Are

No reason for this, but that I'm loving this song from Fischerspooner. I haven't liked their stuff much recently, but I like this a lot.

The best concert I think I've ever been to was theirs, I think,
several years ago. Just magical!


This was shamelessly lifted from the ever fabulous Fabulon of course.

Jason's Book Club selections for the summer

This week, we'll be discussing The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories and on how many levels that title is redundant. Please join us!

Unfortunately, I can't remember where I found these real, actual, unadulterated book covers
originally, but they deserve to be shared.

"The Waste Land"

"APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten,
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
Bin gar keine Russin, stamm' aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
And when we were children, staying at the archduke's,
My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter..."

It's May day....or is that mayday? It seems like more of the the latter.

Anyway, I can't help but think of this passing April without thinking of dear old T.S.'s famous first line. It rings true right about now.

It's actually one of my favorite poems.

Once upon a time in a speech and "acting" class I took as an undergrad (a requirement bizarrely enough) I choose this poem (the first 70 odd lines, that is) to memorize and deliver in front of an audience.

Amazingly, I did fairly well, considering my complete inability to memorize anything. You should have heard me rumbling over that German...but I got through it just the same.
There's a metaphor in there somewhere, I know.