May 9, 2009

lunchtime news

Today I had lunch with an old friend. I had hoped it would be just the two of us, but of course, it wasn't. She showed up with one of her two boyfriends, you know, the one she doesn't have sex with, whose father was in the Hitler Youth. Yeah, that one.

While there, she filled me in on the news:


Suicidal pedophile priest friend number 1
is now on twitter, it seems, and insisting that she does too. She refuses to. I don't blame her. I mean really, would you want to see what he twits?

Pedophile priest friend number 2 (the one she infamously tried to set me up on a date with once) is now living in my neighborhood, currently defrocked and working as a lawyer. Doesn't this sound like a perfect plot for a horror film?

Former student of hers was booked in a recent "execution-style triple murder." brutally killing a 19 year old woman, a 23 month old baby, a 6 year old child and wounding an 11 year old. "His grandmother was just as nice as could be," she tells me. "But I think he was a crack baby or something."

Gay ex-husband is now on facebook. She refuses to facebook too. Again, I can't blame her. He's found his first love there, a formerly 400 pound woman who's whittled her way down to 200. "Your weight doesn't bother me," she tells me he told the poor woman. "Of course it doesn't!" she exclaims to me. "He's gay!"
He's clearly leading her to heartbreak, my friend says, but along the way there, he'll be taking a five day cruise to the Caribbean (paid for by the lovelorn, of course) and getting any number of lavish gifts. Cha ching.

7 comments:

larry said...

thats quite a lot of info there! wow!!! i want to hear more...

mrpeenee said...

Just how do you respond to so much info being splattered around like that? "Oh. My...."

ayem8y said...

So maybe eventually she’ll hook you up with one of her nicer murderous, lecherous and odious friends.

jason said...

Larry: no, believe me, you don't

Peenee: You just eat and keep quiet.

Ayem8y: one can only hope.

ilduce said...

I'm with larry, I want to hear more as well. If only to make me appreciate the dry spell all the more...

Just to recap, A gay exhusband, a half size four hundred pound woman, and possibly two pedophile defrocked priests are all dating more than I am?????

Ur-spo said...

Dear me!
Such drama.... it would make a good story someday if you feel up to it.

Silly Monkey said...

You certainly don't have boring lunch companions, Jason!