Jun 16, 2008

"MANopause, it's no joke."

Today, while in Whole Foods, I picked up a copy of a local free circular called "Natural Awakenings"
(proudly printed on recycled paper with "soy based ink")

Yeah, you can probably figure out the audience for this soy based rag...the faux bohemians who shop at Whole Foods.

Anyway, I flipped through the articles absent-mindedly while waiting for the rain to stop.
I flip through

"It's Never Too Late to Have a Functional Childhood,"

"MANopause. It's no joke. Men go through the change of life, too,"
(Sample quote:
"I hit a wall and traditional medicine just couldn't help. I found myself at 48 carrying around 70 pounds of body fat, not being able to get an erection, not feeling good, twice divorced and not in good shape at all.")

Then it's off to
"Righteous Investing,"
"Have a Green Wedding"
"Seeking a Certified and Reputable Colon Hydrotherapist?"

Only to find
"Real Men Do Yoga"

Profiled in his article are a few local male yoga enthusiasts.
Here's a quote:
"A bicycling accident in Nepal proved to be a turning point for him. He recalls lying in the street, convinced he would die from the impact, feeling deep regret that death would prevent continued yoga practice."

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh aloud at that, though I'm sure the Whole Fooders didn't approve. No laughing allowed in the cathedral, you know.


mrpeenee said...

Somehow I don't htink any amount of shopping at Whole Foods will cause me on my deathbed to feel deep regret that death would prevent continued anything except maybe masturbatuion.

Michael said...

"Missing out on future yoga" as a near death revelation? Banal much?

On a similar tip, who wants to be a real man anyway?

The Other Andrew said...

Exactly, now if there was an article called "Increase Your Flexibility: Better Bottoming Through Yoga!" then I think they'd be more in tune with their target audience.

sam said...

"Increase Your Tolerability: Better Hair Thru Washing And Combing."

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

You neglected to point out how well Mr. Upton, your manopause sufferer is doing now.

"Today, Upton takes dozens of dietary supplements daily, spending $300 to $500 a month. He eats a high-protein, low-glycemic index diet, lifts weights regularly, sees a counselor and injects prescription testosterone to keep his levels within normal range. 'The difference is stunning,' he attests. 'I’d never want to go back.'"

Silly Monkey said...

I just read some of that same Natural Awakenings magazine at the vet while waiting for her slow ass to fix my dog. Damn, does that make me a faux bohemian? :P

Michael Guy said...

We call that place "WHOLE PAYCHECK" here.

But all kidding aside: there is more and more scientific mumbo-jumbo re: the decline of testosterone as males reach 40+. It's certainly something I'd like to learn more about instead of thinking I'm going crazy through excessive masturbation for the endorphins. Just saying.