Apr 13, 2008

Footlong Hotdogs in the Vagina Monologues

Last night Stuart, Michael, a straight male friend of Stuart's, and I went to the huge Vagina-palooza at the Arena. All in all, it was a wonderful time. (Thanks again, Stuart.)

The superdome next door had been the site of a huge two day long "super love" event, with massages and seminars and other things off limits to men.

It was all part of V-Day in celebration of "The Vagina Monologues" tenth anniversary.

Here's a clip from Today with Jane and Eve explaining, "so why New Orleans?"

(She kind of has a point.)

Anyway, we arrived to find huge tour buses full of women. The parking garage was filled with license plates from all over the US. It was a fairly diverse crowd: a number of straight women, busloads of lesbians, a few straight men with girlfriends, and a number of young gay men.

On the way in crossing the street, two straight women ahead of us were singing from sheer happiness, thanking the police for "protecting" them.
Inside, it wasn't all pink loveliness, however.

The women were getting a little rowdy. The Arena is our basketball stadium, and with the lines at the concession stands it looked like nothing less than a ball game. The mood was oddly similar. I was half expecting them to be selling big foam vaginas to wave in the crowd.

I bought a foot long hot dog, just so I could say I'd eaten a foot long hot dog at the Vagina Monologues.
It just seemed like the right thing to do, you know.

While in the bathroom, I heard a giggling butch voice, "Are there any men in there?" I didn't answer. "We're taking over this bathroom!"
The giggling intensified, joined now with others. The Revolution had begun. Soon there was a line in the men's bathroom of the overflow from the women's room. I had to pass a procession of giggling lesbians on my way out of the bathroom. I'm surprised I wasn't heckled.

The play itself was good. I'd never seen it before, so I had only a vague idea of what it would be like. There were parts that were moving, funny, and just plain eye rollingly cheesy.

The chief draw scheduled was to be Oprah, of course, (who didn't show "due to an illness" and Salma Hayak whom I think I may have just missed while in the bathroom, who knows.) I really didn't care about Oprah anyway.

A few random thoughts about the performance:

1. I have students who can perform better than Jennifer Hudson. Maybe she was nervous, but she practically read from her cards. She should have just sung.
2.Jane Fonda is a dynamo...and a pro. No cards for her. I could see the stage and where she was sitting when she was not performing. she was beating the stage with her fists.
3.I'm suddenly intrigued with Calpernia Addams
4.Kerry Washington is a much better actress than any of the other high school actresses I've seen performing her monologue on youtube.
5.Rosario Dawson is much more beautiful in person than on screen. She was also wearing some ridiculous Marc Jacobs shoes.
6.I have a crush on Jennifer Beals. (a crowd favorite, needless to say)
7.Didi Conn looks fantastic for her age, and no one remembers her. Though one of the women behind me squealed, "It's Frenchy from 'Grease!'"
8.Christine Lahti does not look good.
9.Liz Mikel (I'd never heard of her before) should be a star.
Here are some pictures. I tried to capture the scrolling lcd lights spelling out "cunt" along the perimeter of the arena, during the "Cunt" section of the play, but it didn't quite come out. This was the weakest section, I thought, since three fourths was done in Spanish and some still unregocnizable language. Oddly pc for an a monologue about not being pc.

This was the view from my seat. We were very high up, but only a few feet away from a huge screen. Actually, the photo makes it look further away than it was. I was staring straight into the vagina logo.

Jane Fonda, not using a single notecard. This, Jennifer Hudson, is how a *professional* does it.


Michael said...

Love the pictures Jason. A really good time...

Breezy said...

Great Pictures Jason.

I think Jennifer Beals has a great following from lesbians through her part in "The L Word". I bet she looked fabulous.

({}) Interesting use of keyboard keys to make a lady part. LOL Love it!

Way to go with the foot long dog! Funny they would be selling it there of all places. You'd think they would have oysters or something more Vag friendly. Genius.

ayem8y said...

I’m glad you didn’t turn into a lesbeen...I hear that play does that sometimes.

Elizabeth said...

Vaginapalooza! My new favorite word! It is now my goal in life to find a sentence to throw that into.

Another way, of course, that New Orleans is like a vagina ..... Bush screwed y'all after Katrina.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

I'm a little worried Jennifer Hudson will single-handedly end my love for Sex and the City.

I hope Rosario Dawson wasn't wearing those awful backward-heel Marc Jacobs shoes.

Good work with the hot dog--way to do your part.

mrpeenee said...

I'm reading this at work and our Super Dick Cheney Enhanced Interweb Screener won't allow us to view videos so I'm dying to know why they landed on NOLA for the Vaginapalooza (like Elizabeth, I love that word.)

jason said...

I'm afraid those were *exactly* what she was wearing, FP.

Peenee, it's really quite obvious. As Jane Fonda excitedly says, "it's wet and moist"
The metaphor lends itself to all sorts of things, however.

mrpeenee said...


thombeau said...

Sounds like fun! Good for you.

(I'll bet Oprah never planned on actually being there.)

Silly Monkey said...

I love the part about the women taking over he bathroom--and you not saying anything.

Colleen said...

thanks for the rundown of how it was. i still don't mind not going, although jane fonda is badass. would've been cool to see her.

citizen jane said...

Great review! I love the image of the footlong hotdog at the vagina monologues.

And I'm also joining in the Vaginapalooza Revolution. Viva!

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Michael Guy said...

I'm assuming we've all seen the Jane Fonda 'cunt' slip-up on the TODAY show set? Classic.

Sounds like a great evening was enjoyed among all those vaginas.

buukfairy said...

Calpernia Addams is a recent obsession of mine, as well. I just ordered her book. Cannot wait until it gets here!