Apr 24, 2008

rear window

I have long wondered about my neighbors to the rear. The kitchen is all of twenty feet from my head now. I can see directly into the bathroom (which has never been used from my experience) and the kitchen, which often is, always at odd hours.
Occasionally I've seen the resident. He always seems to forget to close the microwave. It annoys me. I want to reach over and shut it.
Yes, I'm a sick man, but then you know this already.

"Voyeur" is such an ugly word, isn't it? I mean just because it's French and all, doesn't make it any better.
I'm just curious about people, that's all. Is that so wrong?
(Don't answer)

Anyway, if you don't want people looking in, get some freaking curtains, people!
Hell, I have two separate sets of blinds, curtains and brown paper on my windows.

Besides, I don't look often, only every now and then, and it's even less frequently that I ever see anyone there anyway.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...

Despite this, I've seen enough of the occupants to construct a fantasy life for them. Not that this is that special. I can do this for someone I'm behind in the grocery checkout line.

One half of the couple is an early twenty-something blond boy. He's of medium height and of a slightly slender wrestler's build. The other is a taller, dark-haired boy of about the same age, but thinner.

The blond I see fairly often. The brunet not so much. I imagine them to be waiters at one of the nicer restaurants. That would explain the odd hours. I've long speculated that they are gay.

There are clues: the full range of organic Australian hair products on the bathroom window sill, the well equipped and decorated kitchen, the curtains.

But this is just circumstantial evidence, I know.

Tonight, out of boredom, I peek through the double set of blinds and catch sight of them cooking. The two of them are together in the kitchen. The window is open in fact, letting out the heat. The blond is cooking. The brunet is having a drink.

Of course I watch.

The brunet downs another swallow of what seems like a margarita. (God, I'd love a margarita right about now, in fact). He says something animatedly. The blond is stirring a pot. Then the brunet clutches at his t-shirt, as if grabbing imaginary pearls.

Ding ding ding.

A few minutes later the blond (in a sleeveless shirt, by the way...ding) steps away from the pot for a drink of his own, and the two of them share a very quick hug.
Ding Ding Ding DONG.
Game over.

I think that question is pretty well settled now...and somehow suddenly, I have less interest now in spying.

I go back to eating my sad little drive-through hamburger alone.

Where's Grace Kelly when you need her? Or, hell, even Thelma Ritter?


mrpeenee said...

We could all use Thelma, couldn't we?

citizen jane said...

Everyone needs some Thelma in their lives. I could especially use some Pillow Talk Thelma on a regular basis.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

Now I want a margarita.

But I want a hamburger even more. I don't understand how one can be sad.

Also, there has to be some satisfaction in discovering you're right?

ayem8y said...

The answer is obvious, You Are Thelma Ritter. One night you should knock on their door with some margarita mix and some hamburger patties and just barge in rambling an incoherent conversation and proceed to cook dinner for them. Play your cards right, get them drunk then get them naked and then make a pile.

jason said...

You are so right,
ayem8y. I am.

Silly Monkey said...

So they DO have curtains? They just don't use them? Well, you're right, they deserved to be watched.

My kitchen window looks directly into my neighbor's livingroom, and when they're watching tv at night, I can read the words on the screen (it's always CNN). They're not nearly as interesting as your guys.

Well...I say that...do your guys wear tight-legged, acid wash jeans and tease their bleached mall hair?

All Things Bright and Beautiful... said...

Jason - I'm just glad you don't live opposite me - the things you'd see!!

Colleen said...

If you lived in NYC, you'd never leave the house. So much fodder for voyeurs there. People are very casual about leaving their shades open. I wasn't too adamant about it either, but I have my limits. Walking around in underwear was about the limit.

thombeau said...


Scooter said...

Great story. It reminded me of a similar situation with some long ago neighbors. One was so cute and the other was, well, interesting. Some nights, it was better than watching the telly!