Oct 7, 2007

idle wondering...

Today, perusing our local Craigslist's Missed Connections, I stumbled upon this post.
It hit a chord because I know I could have written just the same thing when I was 25 myself, right down to the histrionics.
(Ok, ok, who am I kidding, I could have written it myself yesterday, with even more histrionics...well, almost):

opportunity - m4m - 25
Reply to: pers-442254448@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-07, 1:10AM
I must be ugly.

This is the thought that immediately runs through my head at 12:43am on a Saturday night (or is it Sunday morning?) as I sit on my couch with my laptop and a soundtrack consisting of...well...what most would call a lesson in depression.
So, I must be ugly.
Or is New Orleans ugly?
I think it has the potential to be. I've lived here for two years and, despite all my best efforts, I come up empty handed every time. That's not to say I haven't dated people here; sure, I've done that. It's simply that the results have been less than appealing.

I learned in college that there are three types of guys: 1) the guy who expects a blow job on the first date and gets it (this will not be a long-term arrangement); the guy who expects a blow job on the first date and doesn't get it (this one probably won't work either); and 3) the guy who doesn't expect a blow job on the first date, but would still really really like one. He's also the guy who wouldn't push the issue unless it's been made clear that the other party involved thought that this particular number 3 was actually a number 1 (this has the most potential for a long-term arrangement).

As the third type of guy, I feel like a fish out of water in this here city.

So, more likely than not I'm an ugly prude who should give up this game and, in finding a life of fulfillment practicing the art of solitude, enjoy my job ringing the bells at St. Louis.

Some might say there is a lesson of fortitude in all of this. I, however, am not one of those people. The wall of my constitution is crumbling steadily and, looking up to meet the gaze of a handsome stranger, I lack the confidence to begin a conversation. I look away and find myself the king of missed opportunities.

Tonight, I see some smart ass has written him a reply (why not send it to him directly I don't know):

re: opportunity - m4m - 25 - m4m - 35

Reply to: pers-442876415@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-07, 8:44PM CDT

Well if you stopped behaving like a straight girl you might be happier. Why the hell are gay men adopting 'values' that were only meant to suppress women? WTF? Blow job on 'the first date'? Are you for real? Why would you go out with someone you didn't want to sleep with? Suit yourself, though ...

Now I think 35 year old here has a point in there somewhere...but then again, I don't know.

I was all set to write a response to them both, but instead I had some ice cream.

The thing is, this 35 y.o. seems to assume that all gay men (or all straight women for that matter) are the same. I don't think they are.

I've always envied those straight men, those gay men...and yes, those straight women (and I do know a few) who can enjoy casual sex.

Way back when, I tried it, very briefly. Didn't work for me...not at all.
I wish it had. So this boy and I and (surprisingly a number of straight men too I've met) trudge out here alone it seems.

But the 35 year old makes me think again...are this boy and I holding on to a demented heterosexual stereotype that is "designed to suppress women"? I've actually heard this argument before....
or is it that some people, gay, straight, male, female, whatever, are just not built for casual sex?
I don't know.


thombeau said...

Everyone IS different. I don't buy that guys argument at all. I also don't buy feeling sorry for oneself; self-pity is never attractive.

When I was young and reasonably good-looking, lots of the guys around me tried to get me in the sack. Because of my own issues at the time, I usually refused. Within a decade, almost all of them succumbed to The Plague, and I can only assume that I would have, too, had I been "easier".

I'm not moralizing here; everyone lives the life they are meant to. I have realized, however, that there must be a reason why I'm still here on this earth, when so many other wonderful friends and acquaintances are not. And knowing one has a reason to live is a very good thing.

Dave said...

I think there's a happy medium possible here. The only thing worse than someone who just wants to have sex once and then forget your name is someone who has sex with you once and then starts picking out china patterns.

Miss Janey said...

Methinks you were best off getting ice cream. Th sad fact here is the a-hole commenter's homophobic & misogynistic rant.

"Why the hell are gay men adopting 'values' that were only meant to suppress women?" WTF??? MIss Janey would like to smack his jaws! Being in a committed relationship should be aything but suppressive. We feel sorry for whomever he marries.

Silly Monkey said...

Add a few "ahems" in there, and I think you really could have written that, Jason. ;)

I know I'm not built for casual sex. Never was. Never will be. Right or wrong, natural or unnatural, prude or "straight girl," that's just me. I need to truly know someone well first.

Like Thombeau, when I was younger, there were a lot of guys (all over 35, it seemed) who wanted to have sex with me.

Then I turned 18 and they all lost interest. ;o

Michael Guy said...

Casual sex doesn't work for me. Never did. Never will. Intimacy is built through trust. And I need a few dinners/movies/hand-holding walks along the lakefront before I whip out my wiener. Or apartment key. I'm just saying.

On the other hand...I'm envious of dudes on Craigslist who can just put it out there with: "F*ck this hole tonight. Let's do this now." Does that read as desperate or self-acceptance of one's baser needs? Go figure.