Sep 30, 2007


Last night's "party" was thankfully dull. I drove out to the westernmost suburbs of the city. We had dinner in a nearly deserted, garishly lit former Pizza Hut-cum- Mediterranean restaurant.

Lisa's ex husband sat at the head of the table and performed like the diva he is.
Lots of gesticulating hands.
There was an inordinate amount of talk about hysterectomies and melon ballers at the dinner table...not the type of thing one wants to hear while eating grape leaves.
Despite that, it was nice enough.

Then we were coerced into going to the casino.

I don't know if you've ever been to a suburban casino bar on a Saturday night, but you truly owe it to yourself.

It was like walking into a low budget David Lynch movie.

I'm talking 70 year old women in pink plastic barrettes doing the "Boot Scootin' Boogie,"
The morbidly obese pantomiming Clarence Carter's classic "Strokin',"
Midgets doing the "Electric Slide,"
And one tall skinny 60 something who did nothing but twirl in the center of the dance floor...for a good hour straight...sometimes without music.

The birthday girl had 10 long island iced teas, and her gay ex-husband won a thousand dollars.
I, however, had the unhappy job of entertaining her current boyfriend, the librarian, as he bombarded me with round after round of random trivia.

Fun times.

Anyway, here's dear old Clarence himself. If you can imagine this video recast by David Lynch, you might be half way there.


joe*to*hell said...

was it hysterectomies WITH melon ballers?

Thombeau said...

Ooh, I'm glad you lived through it all. Now do something good for yourself---you've earned it!

mrpeenee said...

It sounds like Someone (that would be you) just didn't have enough Long Island Ice Teas.

I was out with a straight couple one night and after the wife got so drunk she put her head down on the table for a refreshing little nappy, the guy blurted out that he had never had a blow job. I told him they were no big deal and switched seats.

Silly Monkey said...

You were missed at the game Saturday, but it sounds like you had a. . .well, blast(?) that night.

We had fun, but not once did we talk about hysterectomies and melon ballers. I'm jealous. ;)

Oh, and midgets going the electric slide? Sounds like my kind of party. Were any of these odd people pedophilic priest though?

Stuart said...

Hysterectomies, balls, David Lynch: classic

Angel with a crooked halo said...

jason said...

Yes, Joe, it was indeed.
(I know)

Sillymonkey...he didn't show. I guess he had other...(younger?) ummm....things to do.

And Angel...thank you!
And an 12 incher too!

Michael Guy said...

"garishly lit?" I'm picturing way too much light. Also, did anybody sport Dingo boots with fringe? That's hot.

Miss Janey said...

This sounds like a party Miss Janey would enjoy.