Feb 27, 2010

Fairy and the Weed

The other day while visiting Michael, I decided to finally take a photo of one of the books languishing in his place for the past three or so years. He has boxes of them, still unopened.

It's a children's story about a Fairy and (some) weed.
Or maybe it's a biography, who can tell.

It was written by a family friend of his parents...a now deceased former nun and her spinster sister (?), I believe...you know, just in case the whole thing wasn't freaky enough.

impulse shopping

Today, having nothing better to do, I climbed into the car, put on my brand new Roisin Murphy cd and drove off aimlessly.
I ended up at Mcdonalds eating a happy meal...sans toy....a sad meal, if you will.

I debated taking myself to a movie, but decided not to....nothing I wanted to see, and why waste more money, right?

So instead I drove down to a consignment shop I'd been wanting to visit for a while.
I was overwhelmed by ugly art and ubiquitous fleur-de-lis (es?).

(not to be a heretic or anything, but Jesus Christ give the fleur de lis a rest already, ok, people? Sheesh.)

Even more bored and frustrated (never a good combination), I drove to another shop.

Quite of the spur of the moment, I decided to buy these two cane back chairs.

Two chairs I do not need.
But...then again...I rationalized...I have been wanting to get rid of the aluminum and light green upolstered chair I've had for the past 4 years for quite a while. It had only cost me 40 dollars at Target and is supremely comfortable...and it's in very good condition, but it just looks a bit cheap...and the green limits me.
The Italian saleslady's accent also seduced me. I'm a sucker for an accent. She even helped me bring them out.

I've been wanting something a bit more "classic", but not too much. These seemed to fit the bill. I like the natural wood and the cane matches the other wood furniture I have well...and they're in perfect condition.

So within 20 minutes I'd spent more money than I have in three months and they were in my car. They weren't cheap, but they were not too expensive.

I was happy to see that they both fit in my little car, but not so happy to see that they sort of crowded my little living room. I'm seeing what I can do to get them to fit.
I need an extra chair anyway (he tells himself)

Besides, I know that if I hadn't bought her partner, she'd have gotten lonely sitting in here all day alone. I know I would.

Feb 26, 2010

clouds and irises

Yesterday afternoon, I finally got in the mail some cds I'd ordered. Yes, I still use cds. I'm proud to say that I have finally made it to 1995. I've only had a cd player in my car for the past year and a half, if you can believe that.

I'm like the Amish, but an Amish with a disco fixation.

Anyway, I got this Larry Levan cd and couldn't wait to put it on. Larry Levan was a somewhat legendary dj in the late 70s, at the Paradise Garage in NYC.

A few years ago when my friend Michael and I went up there we actually made a pilgrimage to see it. Seems it's like a parking garage now, ironically enough.

Having nothing better to do...nowhere better to go...I decided to take a drive...all the way down to Whole Foods, with the cd on full blast.

Who checks out a bouquet of irises, two apples, lavender hand sanitizer and wedge of Dutch goat cheese at 9:30 on a Thursday night?

Apparently I do.

I was excited to find number 2 was none other than "Clouds". I think it must be the most joyous sad song ever...or at least one of them. Seriously, you don't know whether to be happy or sad. That's the genius of it.

By the time I got home I was hoarse, from straining my voice trying to out-Chaka Chaka Khan. Thank god I was alone. I think I might have wilted the irises a bit.

Feb 24, 2010

eastern exposure

The other day, I took myself on my bimonthly trip to one of the Asian markets in my sacred homeland the westbank . It's a former Walmart converted about a decade or so ago into a huge supermarket, with a wall of aquariums filled with live fish, more ramen noodles than you've ever dreamed of, and a produce section with carrots the size of my...umm...wrist.

Oh, and the smell of dead fish and durian that'll knock you to the ground if you catch it in the wrong nostril.

While there, I ended up buying (yet another) pack of joss paper. I don't know why. I have no use for it, but I can't help but buy it. It's so pretty...and only 2 dollars!

Long ago, I framed a sheet or two...and I've also used it to decoupage a box. I once used it to wrap a small gift, for a person who didn't really seem to appreciate it.
Ah well, one tries.

Now I'm just too lazy to do much of anything with it, but I couldn't help but buy it.

The main reason I went was to buy herbs. The herbs there are cheaper than at the supermarket, there's a better variety....and most seem locally grown.
I got some mint, cilantro, parsley.

Oh, and Korean moon pies.
Yeah, you heard me right.

Korean freaking moon pies.

They're not very good, however.
Those Koreans might have nuclear warheads or whatever, but you can rest assured that moon pie technology is still proudly in the our hands.

God bless America.

Later that week, I made some Nasi Goreng, some type of Indonesian fried rice, with tamarind paste and shrimp and tomatoes and fried eggs and a lot of other things that added up to a big blah.
It was ok, but not worth the effort.

I also bought some bread from the local Vietnamese bakery, which I also always do when I go there, three loaves, fresh from the oven, for a dollar. You can't beat that.

Ominously, the place seems to be on the verge of being invaded by hipsters. How they ever found their way to the westbank, I don't know.
Something is clearly wrong with the world when one sees hipsters on the Wank.

One, clearly a hipster émigré from the North, and his girlfriend were leisurely wandering the aisles in front of me---she dressed in the standard skinny jeans/ American Apparel top uniform.

He, however, was bare chested, barefoot, long wavy hair wrapped up messily on top of his head, taut body wrapped loosely in an off purple sari...(in February?)...like some kind of wannabe Devendra Banhart, but better looking.

Shiva, as cast by Abercrombie and Fitch.
Yeah, he was hot.

Of course I had to follow them.

Sure enough, somewhere in the ramen noodles he turned a bit too fast, and don't you know he wasn't wearing underwear.

The lingam was in the macaroni, baby.

I didn't get a picture of that, but I did get a picture of this Thai aluminum serving spoon:

$ 3.00!

Feb 22, 2010


I wonder what is the proper etiquette for when one's friend's ex husband responds to one's personal ad?

You know, just in case that...um...might have happened.


Feb 20, 2010

dinner roulette

This afternoon, tired of eating alone all the time, I attempted to find someone, anyone, who would deign to dine with me.

I was half tempted to sign up for some cooking classes below, but even I'm not that hungry.

Call to friend 1.= no pick up.
Call to friend 2. =interrupted a nap...."call me later this week, maybe, hon."
Call to friend 3. =straight to answering machine.

Call to ______ 4."I have a coupon for the casino buffet!"

we have a winner.

(Yes, I'll be squiring my mother again to the land of fried shrimp, fried hair and fried nicotine)


so lovely.

"sensual dishes"


erotic cooking classes - mw4mw - 27 (4705 Freret Street)
Date: 2010-02-19, 8:22PM CST
Reply To This Post
erotic cooking classes features a male and a female instructor, wearing only a cooking apron. sensual dishes will be offered. exploration is encouraged.

Location: 4705 Freret Street
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

So almost every word in this cracked me up---from the premise, to the category ("misc. romance") to the address.

Anyway, what's a "sensual dish"? God, I hope it's bacon.

Feb 19, 2010

respite, respite and nepenthe

Each year that I've taught Poe (to the least likely of audiences, by the way), they've kind of fallen in love with "The Raven", almost all of them. Such is the genius of Poe.

Of course there will always be the odd student (or four) who will interrupt your lesson with a "What do 'nevermore' mean?"...you know, like after the fourth time discussing it.

Thankfully, the class will answer her on its own and indignantly explain it to her before you can even open your mouth.
These are the moments a teacher lives for...well, at least I do.

Even more thankfully, I don't have a Raven on the rosters this year. That poor girl got herself taunted unmercifully for months after we'd finished the poem.

Feb 17, 2010

Still life

Suitcase beside stoop, urine in jelly jar.
Mardi gras day, 2010

(insert story here)

Feb 14, 2010

samedi gras

I spent the day with Michael and his friend Paul uptown, watching a string of parades. I can't even count how many.

I could have taken photos of the floats (like this masterpiece of aluminum foil) or cute boys, but there were other, better things to photograph.

Like this:

Unfortunately, my camera can not quite capture the divine shade of apricot sherbert of this mullet. I'm hungry just looking at it.

The toy soldiers. There was one queeny one in the middle whom I missed do a turn.

Unfortunately, I also missed seeing (and photographing) the "bipolar" "sex addict" whom Michael located on his iphone's Grindr app, who was marching as a cheerleader security guard.


Back at Michael's place, the mink stole of a semi famous hollywood celebrity* (*initials JC, and I don't mean Jesus Christ)whose ex boyfriend was once Michael's tenant.

I thought it looked best like this, as a nature morte, so to speak.

Poetry...sucking on a juice box

Steve Zahn (and Michael's head). He was standing right next to us. Later, he graciously indulged us in letting us take photos with him.

King Kong (and those god damned illuminated rabbit ears that ruined all of my other photos)

The hero of the day, Drew Brees, who may be the single most popular man in this city, ever.

Feb 13, 2010

which valentine is yours?

Pick your own!
Which one best represents your V-Day?

shamelessly stolen from sissydude





shamelessly stolen from the haunted lamp

F. shamelessly stolen from (and made by) sissydude


shamelessly stolen from michael guy

Feb 12, 2010

Movies, mistakes and memes

Thanks to Mean Dirty I've been asked to:
“Share three classic movie moments that have, in some shape or form, made you buy things, do things, think things that perhaps you shouldn't have.”

1. Once upon a time, the Muses wafted down from Parnassus (or Venice, CA, not sure which) to suburban New Orleans, in a cloud of glitter and cocaine (otherwise called "Xanadu") and whispered into my innocent childlike ear.
Anyway, because of those bitches, I found myself wearing suspenders. At least on one free dress day at school, during recess they got plucked. I didn't make that mistake again.

2. For the next misstep, I can't really blame "Grey Gardens", but I will.

"I could have been a countess, countess jason. But I never had a chance to do
anything like that...'cause Mother wasn't well during the war. She had her
eye operation. I missed out on everything." (I paraphrase)

3. Lastly, repeated early watchings of "Pillow Talk", planted the idea that by playing "hard" to get, somehow a middle aged virgin with a love of decorating (as long as he's photographed with soft focus, vaseline smeared lens) could manage to snag a tall, dark, handsome gay man.

I'm still living that one down.

Let's see, let's see...I tag:
Miss Janey
silly monkey

Frontier Psychiatrist
and anyone else out there who wants to be tagged

Feb 10, 2010

just more of my bitching.

Today totally sucked. It sucked donkey dongs, as we used to say in middle school.

This morning I wake to find the water pressure in my apartment, always low, has finally given up the ghost. I can't brush my teeth or even my wash hands. Guh ross
(also as we used to say in middle school)

Landlord says plumber needs to be summoned. I'm scared. I see visions of sheetrock.

As I'm leaving for work, the ancient doorknob to my front door breaks off, just as I'm leaving for work. Can't lock door.

I get to work, and am confronted by two new transfer students, one transferring in her senior year.
In mid-freaking-February. (WTF!)

Putting things into more perspective, another is transferring from Haiti, a family of refugees. The poor girl is a bit traumatized...and can barely speak English. My French is um....mediocre at best. We'll see.

7:10, my computer in class begins to make a painful screeching noise, rather like the AC did before it blew up, and I was without air or heat for a year.

I summon our "tech person" (ha!), who shows up promptly 4 hours after it's stopped screeching.

While there, she decides that she's going to take away my other printer to give to someone else. That'll teach me to ask for help. Ha, ink's out! Suckah!

Lunch taken up with a student who decides to unburden her 16 year old "love" problems on me....again. I don't want to hear it....but I do.

On the way home, the massive city wide road re-destruction project....in which every major artery of the city is cordoned off, so that the sinking sewer system can be repaired and this podunk town's already near gravel/mud streets can be further degraded....detours me three times, then a three block long film shoot detours me once more....only to find myself facing the headlights of yet another mardi gras parade...on a Wednesday at 5 pm.
A normally 25 minute trip has now taken a full hour and a half's worth of detours and traffic.
Anyway, now, if you'll excuse me, I'll try to get myself a sponge bath and go to bed.

Feb 9, 2010

Ten more things I need now

Because I'm a greedy bastard:


This Warhol (because I'm in a gold kind of mood)


This watch. Do I even need to explain why?


Some of these brand new ketchup packs....twice the amount of ketchup and you can dunk the fries in!


A Volvo P 1800 (found by way of Mistress MJ )


Gold or copper Doc Martens (the better to see up girls' skirts)


Laptop case (previously seen at laurel street )


Table (previously seen at stella's roar )


This room


This Gilbert Poillerat mirror (previously seen at The Haunted Lamp)


The house from "A Single Man" (oh, and every single person and object in said film, thank you)