Mar 21, 2010

dining out

Every now and then I find myself at dinner with a friend of a friend, whom I've met maybe five or six times. He's young and good looking. He seems to live in a candy colored vortex of alcohol and drama. Listening to him is endlessly entertaining and exhausting.

Anyway, here are some quotes from tonight's dinner. Sadly (?), I know it's all the truth.

1. "'I have a son your age,' one of them tells me. She was kinda hot for an old chick.
"Oh, reeeally? Hmmm?' I say."

On what happened to him after the last time I'd seen him. Three married women in their 40s, having a girls' night out at the next table offer him and his friend a ride after dinner. They ended up at the Hustler Club.

2. "Brandon lost, but it didn't really count. I mean really. He's a stripper anyway, so what's the point?"

On playing strip pool.

3. "Her mom was all like: 'Why don't you two date? You're always introducing her to different stuff! She needs to get her mind expanded like that' I was all like: 'You just don't even know.'"

Friend's mom to him after bringing back leftover pho.

4. "They all say if you say 'no homo' before you do it, it doesn't count as gay. Or maybe that's after. I don't know. You know, like: 'hey, let's fist! No homo'. And then it's not gay. Something like that."

On the conversation at a party of his roommate's army friends.

5. "He's out of Juvie now! It's gonna be hot."

In reference to a question about his 17 year old ex.

6. "You should come! Two dollar shots, man...they even bring 'em to you in the hot tub. I spent 95 dollars last Wednesday. I was fuuuucked up."

7. "Oh, no, it's not that organized,"

Answered in response to my, "Gee, how does that work? Do you play spin the bottle or something?" Asked in response to his recounting of the four girls and two boys he'd had sex with the night before.

8. " Uh...well, I've been to Chik-Fil-A three times this month,"

Answered by me, in response to his question "What's new?" Sadly, this pretty sums me up.


ayem8y said...

“Um you just guzzled sixteen guys worth of cum?”

“Yeah but it’s okay cuz I said No Homo before I swallowed each and everyone of them...or was it after. Something like that.”

jason said...

Ex. #2b:
"I went to Chik-Fil-a three times this month. No homo."

MJ said...

*slides into booth next to Jason at Chik-Fil-A*

FelixInHollywood said...

When, exactly, was it that I hit the north side of the generation gap?