1. I'm apparently a freak for not flossing every night.
2. Dried dates taste a little like caramel.
3. Kelly Ripa is frightening.
4. Mean Dirty Pirate is shirking his truck stop hooking responsibilities. He's probably moved on to one of the better motels and upped his price.
5. If one watches 48 straight hours of "The Golden Girls", one will not go insane. Well, completely. One might hallucinate at 5 am and see Dorothy at the foot of one's bed with a cheesecake and a knife, however.
6. I snore.
7. In a pinch, one can fashion a makeshift ice chest out of a frozen margarita bucket and some ice.
8. The sight of (female) breasts will make the beach-chair boys bend almost any rule. It's better than money.
9. There's never a camera when
10. I can do math (sometimes).
11. "All you can eat seafood buffet" is rarely a good idea.
12. Wearing a hat and an opaque layer of SPF 50 sunscreen does not prevent one from getting a burned nose.
13. No other part of one's body will tan, no matter how exposed.
14. According to GPS, the nearest drive thru daiquiri shop in Florida is in New Orleans. Should have figured.
15. Never buy Walmart frozen pizza.
16. When driving home, immediately upon entering Louisiana, it will rain. Immediately upon entering New Orleans, one must detour because of a murder scene.