Feb 6, 2009

party of one

Tonight I went to yet another party...a friend's wife's birthday. I can't count how many parties I've been to in my life in which I know no one but the hosts. I don't know if any of you have been to events like this, alone, knowing no one. It's always awkward. Despite the awkwardness of it, I felt like I should be there to at least help her celebrate.

This event, was predictably a total white people event, right down to the predictable chatter about Prague/backpacking/internships/artisan cheese/Obama. Oh, and lots of ironic t-shirts.

The crowd was made up of of the hosts' coworkers and friends...and me.
The crowd came in pairs....and quickly formed up into cliques.

I spent a good amount of time, chatting up a blonde high school friend of the host's,
(one he had told me long ago that he hated) who is now a social worker. I forced myself to stay awake as she droned on and on about grad school and her time at Harvard. Then I chatted briefly with a hipster the host introduced me to.
"She lives in your neighborhood," he excitedly told me. He thought she and I would hit it off. She couldn't have been more bored by me.
Turns out she hates the neighborhood and can't wait to get to a hipper one.

Other than that, no one spoke to me, and I was too timid to try to insinuate myself into any of the tightly formed cliques. The host and hostess were too preoccupied to entertain me, not that I expected them to, so I left, feeling more than a little depressed.

It's times like these that the lonely only child, the shy outsider, the kid not in any clique...the "real me," sometimes I think, comes back with a vengeance.


joe*to*hell said...

for these reasons, i wish sooo hard to be deserted on an island alone

Victor said...

it's times like these that the lonely only child, the shy outsider, the kid not in any clique...the "real me," sometimes I think, comes back with a vengeance.

That comment really resonated with me as it describes myself and my reactions too.

jason said...

hi victor, and welcome!
it's good to have you here.

TJB said...

Oh, darling. I wish I'd been there with you. We could have been the Mean Girls making comments in the corner.

ilduce said...

So UNACCEPTABLE! Cast not your pearls before swine!

This is why I no longer go out at all! Next time this happens, whip out your cell and call me directly. The entire evening can be spent with you loudly describing every guest's deficiencies and then repeating back to them what I have to say on the matter… FUN!!!!

Fabulástico said...

Once in a situation like that I advise to do the following:

1. stay near the spirits and consume gallons of it;
2. ask to each clique what's their group names. If they seem puzzled suggest some like «the two subject only group», «the I've got an ironic t-shirt 'cause I'm too boring to find out some good mots d'esprit», etc
3. fart loudly and blame the hipster next to you;
4. always bring a small bottle of laxative you can pour in someone's drink.
5.Compliment people on their great boob job
6. ask men if you didn't met in a cottage some years ago. If he says no start describing his cock («yes it was you, doesn't your cock have a small scar near the end?»). If he keeps on denying it make him show is dick to prove it.
7. demand to pay for attending the party (it works for most socialites).

If it works everyone will see what a fun eccentric you are; if ever thing goes wrong and they don't invite you any more, you will not have to put up with those loosers again. So it's a win-win situation.

keep fabulous darling

jason said...

thanks Fabu, I'm taking notes, trust me.

ayem8y said...

It’s easy really...You approach the clique and chat up the queen of the hive then you casually suggest to the most attractive and least sycophantic one of the group if he or she would accompany you for a moment for what ever reason then walk over to the next group and do the same thing. Soon you will have taken the best of each group leaving them to deflate and you as the queen and center of the new and now only clique. Once the cliques dissolve everyone becomes exposed and equal and you will be remembered as that mysterious and vivacious guest who charmed everyone.

fendor said...

I am too socially inept to attend a party where I only knew the host.. so you got me beat!

Ur-spo said...

I often feel this way in parties. No fun in that.

Elizabeth said...

Oh honey, I hate that. There are few things in life more misery and isolation inducing than going to a party where everyone knows everyone else but none of them know you. Rude, self-absorbed hipsters! Feh! It was nice of you to be there for your friend.

Even in a room full of strangers, my gaydar would have found you immediately and those hipsters would have found themselves wondering what that boring middle-aged woman and that formerly quiet man were laughing about so hysterically in the corner. Wish I'd been there for you.

buukfairy said...
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