boxes

So tomorrow is my birthday.
 Today I received another lovely package in the mail.
One that I still haven't been able to bring myself to open.
They're from my friend, Mark.

He's in the later stages of ALS, (Lou Gehrig's disease) a disease I would not wish on my worst enemy.
It's been beyond heartbreaking to watch him go through this.

He, however, has gone through this with remarkable grace. I doubt I ever could be that brave.

He is preparing to die soon, and has been sending me some of his beloved stuff, mostly books and dvds and such.

I am so grateful to have a bit of him, something physical that I can treasure....but I haven't been able to make myself actually open them yet.
 I'm a terrible friend.

Somehow I feel like if I open them, it'll all become real.
Like really real. Stupidly, I want to stay in denial, ignore the truth.

But I'm going to make myself open them tomorrow
I'll have a good long cry, I know.

I just feel so impotent. He lives thousands of miles away from me now, so all I can do is write, but I never know what to say.
 There isn't anything much I can say, except to listen to him....and remind him that he is loved.

And pray. I do a lot of that.
I mean, it might not help, but it can't hurt, right?
That's what I always say.

Anywho, if any of you have any spare good energy or prayers, please send it up his way.

I know it's what I'll be blowing the birthday candles out for again this year.