Aug 26, 2012

thought for the day

With this hurricane.
 Seriously.

quiet night in the quarter


So last night for a friend's birthday we went to the quarter.
It was dead.
Bored at the regular clubs, we ended up on a hunt for some mythic Brigadoon of gay strip clubs....a place new and "hidden". How exciting!

Sadly, we found it.
A barker with bad teeth lead us to a back door of a daiquiri shop.
He opened it to reveal a small room.

On stage- a bored looking stripper, "Blueberry".

Blueberry is wearing a bikini top and a few dollar bills, hanging from the pole, ass cheeks still jiggling from the effort of getting upside down.
But somehow still bored.
Hanging on the walls are the other strippers, in Underoos, sullenly watching a football game.

We left before I could even get a drink....
and went to the much more respectable Corner Pocket, the only club where the ratio of strippers outnumbers that of customers.

One of the strippers had the audacity to check his iphone on the stage.
Can you even?
Kids these days.
And another wore Uggs...with socks.
Disgusting.

Oh, and now there's a hurricane coming.
 Coincidence?



Aug 23, 2012

sticker shock

because...why, yes, I'm just that sophomoric.

Aug 20, 2012

Aug 19, 2012

Just another day in the neighborhood.



Meanwhile, while I was off in the boring suburbs (see below), this was going on.
Leave it to me to be in the wrong place at the wrong time...again.
Dammit
Next time, I just hope the jockeys are chimps... like God intended it to be.



via worldofwonder

White weekend

In retrospect, this weekend proved to be unusally white. Not sure how that happened. But it was a nicely exotic change.
Friday night we went to dinner at Bayona, for their annual Julia Child's birthday celebration. We've been three times since she went on the great Kitchen beyond.  This being her hundredth, it was extra special.
Unfortunately, because of a football game the traffic down town was insane.  I had to park all the way across town, in the Marigny and walk....in brand new shoes. 

How stupid can you be to pick new shoes to wear when you have to walk through the rainy French quarter at night? Stupid as me, turns out.  I ended up trying to buy band aids at a convenience store, without luck.
I did, however, get a compliment on them (and solicitation for money) from a crack head on a stoop on Dauphine.
So that was nice.

After the epic ordeal of hiking to the restaurant, I had two "Stormy Mornings"....which turned out to be, as John put it, "like a spritzer".  I'm not sure what was in it...creme de violette? They were pretty and good.
Couldn't have been more gay if they had come with a poodle and a pinky ring. 
But whatever.




It was also our friend, Julie's birthday! Julie and Julia...get it? Get it? Never mind.  


We each had pretty much the same thing: an onion and escargot tarte with an entree of flounder. I hope Julia would have approved.


Then, yesterday I took myself out to see our brand new Panera Bread Company, in the deepest  suburbs of the city. Lordamercy I've never seen so many white people in my life.  It was kind of scary, like a Klan rally, but better dressed.
 I didn't think I'd find a place to sit.
I did, thankfully, and had my surprisingly mediocre sandwich  next to a girl reading Wuthering Heights and jotting down vocabulary words. That, at least, did my poor heart good.

As is typical here, it came storming just after 12....very dramatic....like were were on the moors or something, but with paper napkins and the smell of SUV exhaust from the parking lot.

Next, on my white adventure, I braved the flooding rains to go to Whole Foods. Yep, the very heart of the jungle.  I figured the rain might keep some of the people away.
It didn't.  
While there, I bought some more of this.  So good. Like crack.  
It's goat cheese with honey. If I'm not careful, I might end up 
in a gutter somewhere, complimenting men's shoes  
a goat cheese with honey addict.  

I also bought these  crackers, which my mother refused to eat
 because, as she told me,
 "I dunno, these taste too much like a Communion host. It ain't right."  
She's right, but I can't buy communion wafers yet, 
so these will have to do.                                                                                                                                                          
 I bought the quince preserves only because "quince" is one of 
those words I've always seen in print,  but never actually seen, 
you know, kind of like what girl was underlining in Wuthering Heights
I was half surprised it was a real thing. 
It was pretty good too.



Oh, and while there perusing the cheese, I noticed this creature....rare as a unicorn, well, if a unicorn were cruising the aisles of Whole Foods. Ok, so maybe not so rare at all.  I've seen this specimen before. This is the first Big Foot like photo I've managed to surreptitiously take, however. He's at least six foot five of pure muscle. He doesn't seem to own sleeves. I can't say I blame him.  

As far as I can ascertain he never buys anything, he just struts around looking hot...for hours. I suspect he's a Whole Foods brand whore...all organic? It's time they get into the male prostitution business, don't you think? 

Aug 14, 2012

Inspirational advice

Always remember:
Time is precious. Never waste it.
Never let obstacles keep you from what you want out of life
And one day your dreams may come true.

Aug 12, 2012

order here

 


I keep a lot of notes, receipts and junk in my wallet.

Anyway, last night I was in line in the drive-through of McDonald's.
I rolled up.
The cashier bounded to the window like a puppy. He was friendly and cute...
and just as gay as could be.
"$6.75, please," he said with a smile.

I reached into my wallet and gave him the money.
"Thank you!"
 He handed me back a note with my change.
I was puzzled....and then looked at it.
The number was from a former coworker.

Then I realized.....it must have been stuck to one of my bills.
"Oh my god," I thought.  "This poor boy must think I'm flirting with him, giving him my number!"
I was mortified.

By the time I got to the pick up window, however, I found myself feeling kinda hurt.
I mean really.
I realized I'd actually been dissed.
Cold.

Ah well...at least fries never reject you, right? 
Well, almost.


 




Aug 6, 2012

Hair show

Because I take my job over at the salon so very seriously, as you can see, I've been dutifully working on my craft.

My casting couch styling chair's been working overtime.
Let's see who looks pretty enough for the much coveted title of " Mr. August Hair".
Who should it be?
Irving, with "The Fro"
Sven here, with "The Deluxe Carol Channing"

Giambattista,  rocking "The Jesus (with highlights)"

Jean Claude with "The Salt n Pepa's Here, and We're in Effect"
Marco with "The Turtle wax Helmet"
Dave here, sporting "The Joan Holloway"
Jesús with "The Brazilian Blowout"


Aug 5, 2012

Fifty Shades of Gross

My mother yesterday at Sam's Club (yes, Sam's Club):

       "I need to look for a book."

Me:  
"A book? Really now? Since when do you read?"

Her:
"I read!  Anyway Gayle told me about this book. 
I want to get it. I don't know the name of it though. 
Damn it, what is the name of that book??? I can't for the life of me remember."

Me:  
"Is this it?"

(of course it was nestled right next to Paula Deen, how appropriate)


Her: "Oh my god. Yeah! That's it!!! How did you know!?"

Me: " Um. Just call me psychic."

Her: "Lemme see!"

Her, flipping through it:  "Hmm...yeah. Hm.
Yeah.  
Never mind. I don't have time for all that." 

Puts it back and heads down the cereal aisle.


thought for the day*

*rip

Aug 2, 2012

Let's take a trip to the thrift store...

Shall we?
The display case. Apparently the short gray wigs are a hot commodity, too much temptation for the shoplifters. So they have to be kept behind glass.


Tammy Faye and Jim Baker album, in original wrapper.
A syntactical mystery in the men's room. Do we need good luck because he is excreting? Or is he, more profoundly, excreting good luck, like a golden egg.  Discuss. 

Our Lady of the Drag queens. Are you scared yet?
What I bought

Cute boy at mirror, checking out which red dress looked best on him. 

Dresses he left behind. Thank god, he picked the red spaghetti strapped one.


Super groovy couch I did not buy

very classy Easter Island tissue dispenser.

Lovely old sconces I did buy.  5 dollars!

Used condom in parking lot.  Guess someone got overly excited by something in there. Had to be that the gray wigs, right?


Aug 1, 2012

rescue poodle

The other day I found this buried in one of my mother's china cabinet drawers. I rescued her from certain euthanasia. She was going to throw it away.

It was hand crocheted just for her by her least favorite sister. It's been in that drawer for at least 40 lonely years.


"What in the world do you want with this tacky ass thing?" she asked with a sneer...like I might do something perverse with it.

 "Uh...I'm going to use it exactly how it's supposed to be used, thankyouverymuch, a cozy for my Vodka."

And that's just what I did.
She's been accessorized with a cigarette (from Seattle) and now holds court on my bar.  All she needs now is a name...and maybe a leash.

I might just take her out for a walk.