I'm always learning.

I spent Saturday in a friend's pool, drinking vodka, playing ball with the 7 year old son of a heroin addict.

By dusk, after the children had left, I was cornered by a former Olympic synchronized swimmer (in nothing but his briefs, because he had forgotten his swim trunks on the counter at home). He was hot, I mean J.C. Penney-catalog-model hot.
He was exictedly telling me about his childhood Thanksgiving dinners.

Seems his father was a doctor somewhere in New England. Every year, after they'd finished eating, he told me, the kids would be sent off to gather up the young cats from the yard. The cats would be injected with drugs. The kids would be left to play with the drugged cats until they were comatose (the cats, I think, not the kids)
Then they'd clear off the dinner table, and his father would tie their tubes, right there on the dining room table(again, the cats', I think).

He and his much less attractive boyfriend came by with their (presumably spayed) very frisky puppy, who promptly peed in the pool.

The boyfriend told me all about the Navy and the three Mormon "heavens." Like 9 tenths of every gay man I've ever met, he'd been raised a Mormon. Seems if you're gay and Mormon, you'll be going to a lower level "heaven," a bit less bright than the upper and midrange heavens that straight Mormons get to go to, as he explained. I'm guessing it's probably flourescent lighting there.
Harsh.
The straight dead Mormons can visit you in the lower heaven, but you as a homo can't go up. (There's a joke in there that I'm too proud {lazy} to make. Ha.)

I also learned from the host's best friend, that coffee grounds will get rid of cellulite. She was later found passed out in front of the bathroom door. I found my empty bottle of vodka nearby.