Feb 29, 2008

In my never ending quest to humiliate myself

before total strangers, here's what I'm perusing this lovely Friday night.

The other day at the library, I picked up this little gem. It was in the "popular non-fiction" stacks. A hot commodity like this has to be protected. The check out time is shortened due to "high demand." Hey, there's a need.

Now, just imagine the courage one needs to check this baby out under a stack of W. magazines and the odd book on the Byzantine Empire. I keep the librarians on their toes.

I'm not proud of this, but, yes, I am a reader of these sorts of books. Admitting this is the first step, right? I'm sure a straight jacket is involved in step two, but whatever.

The book is utterly devoid of (on-purpose) humor, but it's pretty damned entertaining just the same.

Here are some random section headings:

"You are what you think about" (ummm...like porn?)
"Compelling women have spunk" (I just bet they do.)
"The art of silent communication" (it's called "the bird")
"A Sprinkle a day" (and a dump at night?)
"We are what we eat" (gross)

and my favorite:

"Get rid of pesky growths" (the best advice ever)


joe*to*hell said...

PLEASE!!!! please post full paragrpahs... i beg of you

thombeau said...

Compelling women are Joyce Bulifant-like.

Dave said...

If you want really good dating advice, you need to check out that "Millionaire Matchmaker" show. Step one: stop thinking with your "ding-dong." Step two: be a millionaire.

jason said...

You got that right, Marcel.

I'll have to see, Joe. Hmmm...
but here are some random teasers:

"If you have checked him out and there's a high evidence that he's not a theif, stalker or psycho, then you can let him pick you up at your house."

"After you've started your day off with a sprinkle, light up the room with a smile!"

"If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm one of those who believes in a literal and personal living God who created the universe."

And Dave, she scares me too much.

Silly Monkey said...

2nd date? There really IS such a thing? I'd always assumed it was a myth.

Michael Guy said...

And just where is the chapter on "Compelling Men Get Spunk?"

You are a brave man. And a stack of W Magazine? Who knew. What next "Marie Claire?"

:: flips through VOGUE ::

Miss Janey said...

But is their spunk funky?