A while back, a friend of mine got a new job. I'd been hoping she'd get a job, so initially I was elated.
I still am elated actually. But I've also realized I'm a terrible, terrible, petty jealous person too.
Where did this come from? Ok, I guess it's always been here.
I mean I have a job.
I like my job (for the most part).
I certainly don't want her job.
I really don't.
So why, oh, why do I feel such envy?
I guess when I analyze it, (which is what I'm wont to do...about everything) what makes me maddest is that she didn't really have to do much work to get it...(grrr)....and it was very hard for me ...oh..and the fact that she's making more than I am, despite my having more experience.
The other day I wondered if it would make me happy if she actually lost her job, (I guess I'm evil like that), but it actually didn't.
I realized I would feel terrible for her and still guilty about having been envious in the first place. Either way, I'm screwed.
I can't even have a bit of schadenfreude fun.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to exorcise this envy out....but damn if it's not hard.
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