Night Crumbs - Just when I started to say, “I’d rather fuck myself gently with a chainsaw than watch the TV reboot of Heathers (the one where the outcasts are the popular...
Oct 13, 2008
Needing to print a recommendation letter for a student, I found the one and only functioning printer in the school. In a rush, and lucky to have a turn at it at all, I hurriedly typed the letter and then pressed "print."
As the paper slowly, painfully came out, I could see two inches of gleaming white, just to the middle left, still unprinted.
"Damn!" I thought to myself. "That biology bitch! It's got to be her. She's used up all the ink again, printing up reams of shit from Avon.com again...and every piece of 'inspirational' prayer spam she gets!"
So, as I've been instructed to do, I opened up the printer to "just shake the cahtuhridge a lil, baby" to "get all that ink up in there shooked up."
I had barely lifted it out of the machine, when suddenly a two inch roach took flight from its warm nest inside. It soared majestically into the air, only to come back down to the floor in a six foot arc, just glancing someone's freshly done hair.
There was a frenzy of screaming, as if someone had just been murdered.
As the commotion continued (it may still be going on now, for all I know. I wouldn't doubt it), I put the cartridge back into the printer, closed the top, pressed "print," collected my work, and left.