Oct 13, 2008

ickjet printer


Needing to print a recommendation letter for a student, I found the one and only functioning printer in the school. In a rush, and lucky to have a turn at it at all, I hurriedly typed the letter and then pressed "print."

As the paper slowly, painfully came out, I could see two inches of gleaming white, just to the middle left, still unprinted.

"Damn!" I thought to myself. "That biology bitch! It's got to be her. She's used up all the ink again, printing up reams of shit from Avon.com again...and every piece of 'inspirational' prayer spam she gets!"

So, as I've been instructed to do, I opened up the printer to "just shake the cahtuhridge a lil, baby" to "get all that ink up in there shooked up."

I had barely lifted it out of the machine, when suddenly a two inch roach took flight from its warm nest inside. It soared majestically into the air, only to come back down to the floor in a six foot arc, just glancing someone's freshly done hair.

There was a frenzy of screaming, as if someone had just been murdered.

As the commotion continued (it may still be going on now, for all I know. I wouldn't doubt it), I put the cartridge back into the printer, closed the top, pressed "print," collected my work, and left.

10 comments:

ayem8y said...

Beware it's definitely a bad omen. To rid yourself of its evil effects one must purchase numerous Avon products.

The Other Andrew said...

Please tell me the hair in question was Big Southern Pageant Hair.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

I love this story. "It soared majestically into the air..."

I hope everyone's calmed down by now? Actually, I kind of hope they haven't.

fendor said...

roaches and Avon and hair, oh my!

Michael Guy said...

OH HELL to the NO!

I would have hit the hallway screaming like Miss Beyonce gettin' burned by a flat-iron!

ilduce said...

Was said hair comparable to that of the Faith Tones?????

Elizabeth said...

It sounds like a scene from a John Waters movie. Except the roach would have burrowed in the biology bitch's great big hair and hilarity would have ensued.

Love that you grabbed your chance at the printer while all Hell was breaking loose around you.

Miss Janey said...

Flyin' cockroaches- no thanks. Miss J woulda lost her weak mind.

Silly Monkey said...

LOL. Hey, at least you know what to do now whenever you need the copier. Or anything for that matter. Keep a big roach in your pocket for future use. It probably wouldn't even have to be real.

jason said...

"Pageant Hair"? I'm afraid not. More like Hair Show hair, if you know what I mean.