Oct 16, 2013

Four Movies Recently Seen

1. The Butler

a. Synopsis in Ten Words or Fewer:

Forrest Gump Goes to Washingon.  With Black People.
And Oprah.

b. Personal Anecdote:
You remember my birthday last year when we were right next door to the filming of a movie and I took those pictures!?  (just pretend, ok?)  Well, it turns out they were filming the scene in which the hateful white people are harassing the freedom riders at the lunch counter.
I mean, I was practically the star of the movie.

c. Best Part:
Drunk Oprah










d. Cute Boy Report:
Alex Pettyfer as the dreamiest white cracker rapist EVAH.

 

e. jason's final grade:
C-

_______________________________________
2. Populaire


a. Synopsis in Ten Words or Fewer:

The Most Glamorous French Typewriter Movie You'll See This Year!

b. Personal Anecdote:
Needless to say, at a late Sunday night showing of The French Typewriter movie in the suburbs, I was the one and only person in the theater.  I got up to pee 3 times without anyone making a comment.  Lovely!


c. Best Part:
The rhinestone cats-eye glasses of our heroine's nemesis, the undefeated typing champion of America.


d. Cute Boy Report:
the dashing Romain Duris....who should never open his mouth,
and always open his shirt.

e. jason's final grade:
A-

_______________________________________

3. Don Jon

a. Synopsis in 10 Words or Fewer:
The Jersey Shore Saturday Night Porn Fever...with Julianne Moore.

b. Personal Anecdote:
When the blueberry in John's pre-movie blueberry champagne cocktail turned out NOT to be candied, as was advertised. Scandal! Our world is built on terrible, terrible lies, I tell you. Terrible.

c. Best Part:
Julianne Moore (as always)

d. Cute Boy Report:
Um...the freshly pumped up Joseph Gordon Levitt

 Duh.

e. jason's final grade:
B

___________________________________________

4. Romeo and Juliet

a. Synopsis in 10 words or Fewer:
Really Pretty Teens Try to Bring Cliff's Notes to Life.

b. Personal Anecdote:
As Juliet killed herself, my contact suddenly popped out, falling into the black, nacho cheese-encrusted abyss of the theater floor.
I couldn't see a thing. Thankfully, I kinda know how it all ends.
So I left.

c. Best Part:
(see below)

d. Cute Boy Report:
One Douglas Booth....
who really should have been cast as Juliet.
Yes, he's that pretty.


e. jason's final grade:
C-






7 comments:

normadesmond said...

where's the balcony?

mrpeenee said...

OK, now I don't want to see any of these (and hadn't even heard of the typewriter one,) but Alex Pettyfer.... Yeah baby.

MJ said...

You had me at "The Most Glamorous French Typewriter Movie You'll See This Year!"

But exactly how long is this film that you had to get up and pee three times?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Yeah, MJ needs to know how long a YouTube clip is before she knows whether she'll be able to watch it all the way through...

Who'd've thought scrawny little JGL from Third Rock from the Sun would transform into this god we see before us?

govtdrone said...

Please do more of these. As a matter of fact just do another blog with your 10 word movie reviews.

Salty Miss Jill said...

The only movies in theaters I bother anymore with are the Jackass movies. And Wes Anderson.

Jill said...

Do these reviews more!