1. The Butler
a. Synopsis in Ten Words or Fewer:
Forrest Gump Goes to Washingon. With Black People.
And Oprah.
b. Personal Anecdote:
You remember my birthday last year when we were right next door to the filming of a movie and I took those pictures!? (just pretend, ok?)
Well, it turns out they were filming the scene in which the hateful white people are harassing the freedom riders at the lunch counter.
I mean, I was practically the star of the movie.
c. Best Part:
Drunk Oprah
d. Cute Boy Report:
Alex Pettyfer as the dreamiest white cracker rapist EVAH.
e. jason's final grade:
C-
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2. Populaire
a. Synopsis in Ten Words or Fewer:
The Most Glamorous French Typewriter Movie You'll See This Year!
b. Personal Anecdote:
Needless to say, at a late Sunday night showing of The French Typewriter movie in the suburbs, I was the one and only person in the theater. I got up to pee 3 times without anyone making a comment. Lovely!
c. Best Part:
The rhinestone cats-eye glasses of our heroine's nemesis, the undefeated typing champion of America.
d. Cute Boy Report:
the dashing Romain Duris....who should never open his mouth,
and always open his shirt.
e. jason's final grade:
A-
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3. Don Jon
a. Synopsis in 10 Words or Fewer:
The Jersey Shore Saturday Night Porn Fever...with Julianne Moore.
b. Personal Anecdote:
When the blueberry in John's pre-movie blueberry champagne cocktail turned out NOT to be candied, as was advertised. Scandal! Our world is built on terrible, terrible lies, I tell you. Terrible.
c. Best Part:
Julianne Moore (as always)
d. Cute Boy Report:
Um...the freshly pumped up Joseph Gordon Levitt
Duh.
e. jason's final grade:
B
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4. Romeo and Juliet
a. Synopsis in 10 words or Fewer:
Really Pretty Teens Try to Bring Cliff's Notes to Life.
b. Personal Anecdote:
As Juliet killed herself, my contact suddenly popped out, falling into the black, nacho cheese-encrusted abyss of the theater floor.
I couldn't see a thing. Thankfully, I kinda know how it all ends.
So I left.
c. Best Part:
(see below)
d. Cute Boy Report:
One Douglas Booth....
who really should have been cast as Juliet.
Yes, he's that pretty.
e. jason's final grade:
C-
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