night is half gone...

circumambient

2012-01-27T17:48:00.001-06:00

via jonno

overheard, 8 a.m.

2012-01-27T17:25:00.003-06:00

Sentence on worksheet:

12. I have two test.

(correct the error above)

Me to student: "You don't see the error?"

Her: "No"

Me: "I have one pencil. I have two what?"

Her: "Pencils"

Me: "That's right." I point to the word "test"

She pauses, then writes:

"I have two testes."

I roll my eyes and sigh.

thought for the day

2012-01-25T21:27:00.001-06:00

Fairy telling

2012-01-24T17:52:00.001-06:00

Once upon a time, I read that your favorite fairy tale could reveal a lot about your personality. Maybe it was from Bruno Bettelheim, maybe it was from an internet chain letter.
Who knows.

Mine has always been Rapunzel.
It takes no psychotherapist to figure out why.
I mean really.

Locked up in a tower by an over protective parental figure?
Duh.
Anyway, I always loved how she didn't just wait for the Prince to make his way up to her.
Hell, she gave him a rope...even if it must have hurt her hair.
That's me, baby. That's me.

So, what's yours?

just cause

2012-01-22T15:45:00.002-06:00

Stuff I didn't buy

2012-01-22T10:13:00.002-06:00

..but wish I could.
When I'm bored and lonely I often find myself in a thrift store. I can't use/fit/afford what I see, but never let a bargain go unnoticed.
Anyway, here are some bad cell phone photos taken from various sources. You can almost smell the dust and urine, can't you?

lovely old Mardi Gras Indian costume

sideboard

beautiful old desk at the Salvation Army

Old Stove

Cute little chair

Big honkin chair

freaky stuffed poodle

midcentury modern credenza

Gouache portrait from India at Salvation Army

Barbie's cardboard dreamhouse

gorgeous/tacky lamps

redneck coatrack

Someone's light reading in the bathroom

reminder

2012-01-18T23:37:00.002-06:00

Crime Report

2012-01-15T17:06:00.001-06:00

"He wore movie-star-sized sunglasses, a tan scarf around his head and a winter coat on a warm day. But his motive Saturday morning was not high fashion, it was disguise.
At about 9:20 a.m., a man dressed as a woman walked into the Capital One bank at 3540 St. Charles Ave. and handed a teller a note demanding money, according to a news release from the FBI's New Orleans office."

via ladybunny via nola.com

recent acquisitions

2012-01-15T14:49:00.005-06:00

Gnome candles from John. I had to confess the (shameful secret) gnome collection of my youth.
Still looking for it in attic.

shell mirror I made at 17, found in my mother's attic while looking for gnomes.
(not on my wall)

1960s sheaf of wheat sconce found at Goodwill for 7 dollars.
Now on my wall making me feel like I'm in Versailles.

Target practice poster found in my alleyway.
Now framed on my wall making me feel like I'm ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass....in Versailles.

thought for the day

2012-01-10T17:24:00.001-06:00

in honor of twelfth night

2012-01-06T22:02:00.001-06:00

Tonight was Twelfth Night, the official beginning of Carnival, and coincidentally (?), I happened to find this slender volume sitting forlornly on the shelf at the public library.
It was published in 1948 and is a treasure trove of beautiful illustrations. I had to share.

"a group starts out"

"the coach dogs"

"the queen of the carnival"

"exhausted merrymakers"

"maskers' prize competition"

"truck riders"

"the death masker"

"six o'clock"

"comus"

"the zulu parade"

"negro maskers"

"female impersonator"

"the meeting of comus and rex"

thought for the day

2012-01-05T12:07:00.003-06:00

via

signs seen today

2012-01-04T21:58:00.002-06:00

"Customers"....I mean, if that's what you think you are.

ha. ha.
I once found a half eaten Big Mac combo meal on this very station.
Nast.

Cute.

"If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair"
Not cute.

thought for the day

2012-01-04T09:27:00.002-06:00

I once got dizzy in a Burger King bathroom

2012-01-04T02:11:00.001-06:00

A few days ago I had a wisdom tooth removed. It went surprisingly well, all things considered.
I ended up with three new pills to have to take with the other four I'm already taking.
Every morning I feel like Judy, minus the cigs.

This afternoon, I decided to take one of the percocets. I hadn't before,
but today the pain was mildly bad.
I got myself dressed and took a drive to the burbs to do some shopping.
I had a sudden desperate need for napkin rings.
Had to be the drugs.

On the way, I stopped off at Burger King, got in line....and
wham.
I started to feel dizzy. Dizzy and hot. And clammy. And dizzy...
did I mention dizzy?
I sat down....fanned myself like a black woman in church.... and tried to eat, but to no avail.

I threw my food in the garbage, managed to get myself in the car and drove (terrified) home. It was one long long trip.
I got home, threw up, collapsed in bed, and got up five hours later, feeling a bit better.
Drove to the grocery...and got dizzy there again. Came home and ate some crackers and cheese and an apple and went back to sleep. Now I'm up again from my nap at 2 am. Feeling better thankfully.
But....that is one whole day wasted on one little Percocet.
I'm an embarrassment to Judy.

ab fab 2012

2012-01-03T01:59:00.004-06:00

The Videodrome Discothèque Vault Presents: Another New Absolutely Fabulous from Videodrome Discothèque on Vimeo.

thoughts?

resolutions this year

2012-01-02T02:33:00.000-06:00

lose weight

be less self conscious

have more fun

stop biting my nails.

thought for the day

2011-12-31T11:20:00.000-06:00

overheard over the holiday

2011-12-30T09:38:00.000-06:00

(or four opening lines, in search of a story)

"Of course, you've heard the story of the New Orleans Fern Society, haven't you?"
(John's friend to a rapt audience)

"Oh, you should have just seen her corpse. Who ever did it did a beautiful job.

(My mother to me, over Christmas dinner.)

"His mother was a world champion bridge player. She played with Omar Sharif...and Eva Peron."
(John over pizza last night)

"Oh no indeed. Weave is the devil's horsetail. I do not believe in all that."
(woman in Dollar Tree to friend)

thought for the day

2011-12-27T10:41:00.001-06:00

via via

les femmes de Paris

2011-12-26T09:44:00.001-06:00

This bitch

Screw the Mona Lisa. This glamorous creature at the airport has it all over the her.
Sorry for the bad photo, I think her frosted eyeshadow caused my flash to glare.

Sarah Bernhart.
(Sadly we couldn't find Sandra Bernhard's tomb. Dommage).

Poor dear Edith

the Nike of Samothrace.

(Of course I had to recreate this scene from "Funny Face" in my head, saying "take the piktcha!, take the piktcha!"
but alas, no one got it.
sigh)

the Venus de Milo

the Femme de Psycho

Real life geisha on the Champs-Élysées.

I aspire to be her one day.

None other than Carine Roitfeld at a movie premiere! Carlos and I both squealed with elation on seeing her. We tried to explain, but the other two didn't know. I felt extra gay.Ran into Cathy on the Seine.
So gracious.

thought for the day

2011-12-21T17:14:00.001-06:00

via sissydude

"Settle Down" Kimbra

2011-12-20T21:07:00.001-06:00

I'm liking this gal.

overheard 7:30 am

2011-12-20T15:16:00.004-06:00

"How she look?"

"I dunno....she kinda look like Mistuh Potato head, you know,
but black."

"Sister Potatohead?"

"Dere yah go."

Louisiana: a still life

2011-12-18T00:26:00.001-06:00

thought for the day

2011-12-14T21:35:00.002-06:00

*After a week's worth of 11 hour workdays.... I'm beat. ahem

thought for the day

2011-12-11T20:43:00.000-06:00

via

overheard 6 p.m.

2011-12-08T18:58:00.008-06:00

Woman in front of me at Mcdonald's drive through:

"Yeah, I need three number ones."

Drive through cashier:

"What would you like to drink with that?"

"I want a sweet Tea, a diet coke and a Sprite."

"Will that complete your order?"

"Yeah...no, wait....I want no mynez on one of them number ones,
no cheese on one of them too....oh and no bandaids.

oh lawd...lissen to me....I mean no pickles." (giggles)

"Will that complete your order?"

"Oh, wait...yeah, can you put the one with the no mynez in the bag with the
Sprite, the one with the no pickles on it in the bag with the....Diet Coke and the one with the no cheese in the bag with the...with the...sweet tea?

Uh...please?"

"Thank you, drive up to the next window."

Love story

2011-12-08T06:54:00.002-06:00

thought for the day

2011-12-06T22:08:00.000-06:00

Merry Karlmas

2011-12-04T22:18:00.011-06:00

While in Paris, we saw that the Christmas windows at Printemps were up....

And nothing's more festive than swarms of little Karl Lagerfeld marionettes,
right?
Right?

On the plane

2011-12-04T10:06:00.001-06:00

via

Paris Romance

2011-12-01T06:39:00.008-06:00

My new lover (Diet Coke's chicer Parisienne cousine) and I in Paris.

Where we first met, with crepes, behind Notre Dame.
It was love at first kiss.

Coke Light au Louvre.

Coke Light, gazing down at Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower (5 euros! expensive bitch)

Coke Light at Versailles (she dressed in low heels for the occasion)

At Pere Lachaise

Oops. How'd that get in here?!
It was just one time, darling.
It meant nothing, I swear!!!!

post Paris

2011-11-29T18:34:00.003-06:00

So I'm back from Paris....and too exhausted to even type.
Still.
Thank you all for your good wishes. I needed them.

In short, it was a whirlwind, completely wonderful, but just cause I'm a bitch here are some things I'm disappointed I didn't see:

1. Parisiennes in Dior gowns, walking poodles (if I'd have known, I'd have brought my own)
2. fresh sheets on the hotel bed
3. beret wearing boys with baguettes in their bicycle baskets
4. butter
5. the fabled French rudeness (well, except for that asshole at the Eiffel Tower snack booth, but then he was an immigrant, probably from America)
6. a bidet

Paris

2011-11-18T15:23:00.002-06:00

This is one of the very first paintings I ever painted.

I must have been eight or nine at the time. It is supposed to be a Paris street scene, namely, St. Germain de Pres.
I had copied a picture out of a magazine and fancifully changed it up a bit.
I was entranced by the name St. Germain, one of my family names.

It's surreal to be going to Paris, when it's a place that I've literally dreamed about for years.
The dreams are always the best ones I have...(unlike the one in which I realize I'm having a test, and I haven't been to class in a month).

In the Paris dreams, I'm wandering around the Louvre, or wandering around the city at night. It's all very cliche. There's no plot to speak of, just calm.
From early childhood, I think, Paris has always been a symbol to me for something, not sure what, but I think it's something good.

Anyway, by the time this posts, we'll be hopefully on our way. Wish us luck!

thought for the day

2011-11-16T06:54:00.000-06:00

just amazing

2011-11-13T09:23:00.004-06:00

Earth | Time Lapse View from Space | Fly Over | Nasa, ISS from Michael König on Vimeo.

(Video of Earth from 240 Miles Up taken from the International Space Station)

via
gawker

Pre- Paree

2011-11-08T20:49:00.007-06:00

So in eight days (!) or so, I'll be on my way to Paris. It's hard to believe.
I'll be going with a group of friends. We've traveled together before, but Paris will be nicer than the Redneck Riviera, right?

I'm ashamed to admit I've never been to Europe, barely out of the country. Mexico doesn't really seem to count, does it?

I've never been that far from home before either....or anywhere other than New Orleans in the winter. Amazing when I think about it. What's it like, this "cold" you people talk about?

The long flight will be a challenge for someone like me, who is more than a bit afraid to fly.

Carlos has graciously promised me a xanax, and I may have to take him up on that. Thank god for Marshall and all the planning he's done, because I'd be lost otherwise. They've been before, so that's a comfort.
I, however, have been planning to go to Paris since I was a child...a child, I swear.
It will be the fulfillment of one of my life long dreams. It sounds stupid, but it's true.

Still...eight days till and I have still not done the following I've been intending to do for the past year:

1. Brushed up on my French

2.Found anything suitable to wear

3.Lost weight

4.Begun packing

Anyway, I know all of you out there are much more cosmopolitan than I am. What do you advise for one's first trip to Gay Paree? Merci

thought for the day

2011-11-08T14:24:00.003-06:00

"call up to heaven"

2011-11-07T18:44:00.000-06:00

kraak & smaak

Happy Edie's day

2011-11-07T16:51:00.004-06:00

It's my dear Edie's birthday today. She'd have been 94 today.

How will you celebrate?

I'll be having a tense dinner with Mom and feeding the stray cats. It only seems appropriate.

cool stuff I don't have

2011-11-06T15:18:00.015-06:00

thought for the day

2011-11-02T21:58:00.000-05:00

via

"experience Catholicism wherever you are!"

2011-11-01T22:45:00.006-05:00

Gee, thanks Facebook for bombarding me with this ad.
Clearly I have done something wrong there.
I mean really?
This is what it's come to: "Catholicism" is offering a "free iPad"?
Whatever happened to good old fashioned indulgences?
Anyway, I shudder to think what the Protestants are offering.

----------------------------------

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thought for the day

2011-10-31T16:28:00.000-05:00

via

recent acquisitions

2011-10-30T15:35:00.019-05:00

Spelling book c.1880,
50 cents
Symphony Book fair

Missoni tray
11.95
Target bargain bin

Look Magazine April 1969
5 cents
Library Book fair

Cheese (um) diary (?)
0.00
Non-goth neighbor's trash

Spiked...um...bracelet
0.00
From Goth neighbor's trash

Italian serving fork from the turn of the century
3.00
My friend Sylvie's moving-home-to-France sale

Vampire dentures
0.00
Goth neighbor's trash

hmmm.....can't quite decide on a costume...

2011-10-28T06:35:00.004-05:00

Maybe a combination of the three.

conversation, 8 p.m.

2011-10-26T16:06:00.005-05:00

At the grocery store:

Me: "Excuse me, do you know where I'd find the Madeira?"

Clerk: "Madea?"

thought for the day

2011-10-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

things I hate

2011-10-17T22:00:00.000-05:00

1. Granite counter tops.

2.Holes in my socks.

3. The smell of fish.

4. The phone.

5. Laundry.
6. My 4 pm migraines.

7. Cigarette smoke.

8. The morning

9.Dieting

10. Waiting.

via

ghosts of halloween past (again)

2011-10-16T00:10:00.001-05:00

I found these old cardboard Halloween decorations the other day in the back of a closet at my mother's house.
I can't tell you how happy they make me.
I have them hanging up in my little apartment now. I remember them hanging up in the front windows every year, usually with some black and orange crepe paper streamers here and there.
A big bowl of candy sat on the credenza in the hall.
Halloween was always my favorite holiday growing up. (Still is.)

My favorite was always the articulated cat, with the dapper monocled Mr. Cat coming in a close second.

(uh...can we say gay?)

thought for the day*

2011-10-14T22:22:00.002-05:00

*We are the one percent.

Overheard 7:30 a.m.:

2011-10-14T17:08:00.002-05:00

"Yeah, well, my grampaw, he really love me. He got my pitchas all ovah his wall...you know, up at Angola."

thought for the day

2011-10-12T22:40:00.000-05:00

via

temperature rising

2011-10-09T20:59:00.001-05:00

thought for the day

2011-10-08T20:46:00.000-05:00

via

conversation, 6 p.m.

2011-10-07T17:32:00.005-05:00

My mother*: "So! Lemme tell you what happened yesterday. Your aunt Kay** ( my mother's older sister) was here. Anyway, while we were riding in the car, I noticed that everything your nanan said (my aunt's daughter, my godmother), she'd put her middle finger out at her.
SO rude! Can you believe it?
So I just had to tell her something."

Me: "oh boy."

My mother: "Yeah. Well, I did. I don't care neither. I told her if she ever put that finger out at me, I'd bite it off.
And then she did it. She put her finger out at me."

Me: "I don't doubt it."

my mother: "So I bit it.

'You hurt me!' she tells me. 'You better believe I did,' I told her. 'Didn't I tell you not to do that?'

I bet she won't be putting her middle finger out at me again."

Me: "....."

(note- *70 years of age, **82 years of age.)

men ups

2011-10-06T20:25:00.004-05:00

via clickandclash

thought for the day

2011-10-06T17:02:00.001-05:00

via wolfshammy

thought for the day

2011-10-03T21:40:00.000-05:00

New Years in....October

2011-10-03T20:43:00.008-05:00

Last night, as I lay in a dead silent room (because the AC had finally given up the ghost) sometime around 9 pm or so....I heard a loud "bang!"
Someone being shot? Could be.

But then it came again and again and again...until I lost count.
I figured, unless it was a line of Uzis, probably not a gun.
(but you never know)

Finally rousing myself to the window I looked out and saw a beautiful display of fireworks, as if it were new years eve.

In...uh...October.

Finally it ended with an orgasm of fire and smoke,
and I went to bed and forgot about it.

This afternoon a friend mentioned on facebook that she'd seen it too.
She wrote that she'd heard it was part of GI JOE that's been filming in the neighborhood.
Makes sense.

Anyway, I'm sure it's the scene when Channing Tatum and The Rock have a long, lingering new years eve kiss before leaving for war, right?

thought for the day

2011-09-30T16:00:00.000-05:00

Pillow Talk

2011-09-29T18:28:00.002-05:00

r.i.p. Sylvia

thought for the day

2011-09-28T15:21:00.000-05:00

cafeteria duty

2011-09-27T21:11:00.007-05:00

Tomorrow night I'll be joining my friend Marshall and a few other friends for his biweekly theme potluck.

This week's theme is "school cafeteria food".

I've spent what seems like an inordinate amount of money to make two dishes that I remember from my days at school. Makes me appreciate how cheap school lunches are.

Amazingly at the last meeting, while discussing the theme to come, only two of us remembered that there was always an eerie coincidence: the cafeteria ladies would dish up spinach on the very day that the grass would be mowed.
Hmmm

I just thought this was common knowledge....so did she, but no one else there ever seemed to put two and two together.

This week's been a bitch, so my cooking will be perfunctory at best. I'd thought of actually just bringing those little milk cartons of milk, you know the ones.

That's how tired I've been, but finding them has proven to be even harder than cooking.
Why must everything in life be so difficult. grrr
Maybe I'll just supply hairnets.

Anyway, I suppose my favorite cafeteria food memory is the smell of yeast rolls and red beans and rice wafting over the playground on a chilly Monday.
Back when I was growing up, they actually let the old ladies cook once or twice a week. Now, it's strictly heated up prepackaged food.
Sad.
Of course, it wasn't always redbeans and chocolate cake....no....there was always the cut grass surprise (spinach).....and let us never forget the mysterious and dreaded grey "shepherd's pie".

I'm pretty sure "shepherd" means "left-over-government-patties-from-the -week-before", right?

Anyway, what's your fondest and worst memory of school cafeteria food?

thought for the day

2011-09-25T22:32:00.000-05:00

just an observation

2011-09-25T17:38:00.005-05:00

I've said it before...but I'll say it again...
you know, I've taught roughly (very) ten or so Alexises (Alexii?) in my lifetime....
and can say, without a doubt, they've all been bitches.
There's just magic in that name, I guess.

Still waiting for a Jon Erik....but I suspect she'd be a bitch too.

thought for the day

2011-09-23T20:02:00.002-05:00

via

J'adore

2011-09-21T17:22:00.001-05:00

is there a way be able to live in an ad?
That's what I want to know.

Hints for the gents

2011-09-19T17:55:00.011-05:00

Don't be afraid to make an entrance.

Please don't show off your fancy new Iphone.

Always exercise to keep fit.

Ladies love a man in a hat (even if it belongs to Madeline)

You can't go wrong in a designer label.

Remember jumpsuits are for "uh men" too.

Black is a slimming, elongating color.

Don't be afraid to use a bit of discreet hair coloring.

When in doubt, accentuate your cock.

thought for the day

2011-09-18T20:05:00.000-05:00

via

Love disco love

2011-09-17T15:35:00.004-05:00

Just got this in the mail today....and as soon as I read the liner notes, I knew it would be good.
To wit:

"Lenny Bailey Strings 'Do It With Me'

There are certain things I look for in a record:
1. Did someone hand draw the logo with a bingo marker?
2. Does it sound like it was recorded by pimps and hustlers in a crackhouse on stolen equipment?
3.Do the vocalists sound like their day job is prostitution?
This track ticks all my boxes."

It ticks all my boxes too.

Alas, I couldn't find that gem on you tube, but, in lieu, here's one of my favorites:

thought for the day

2011-09-16T16:58:00.000-05:00

Target tonight

2011-09-15T22:22:00.004-05:00

Not seen at Target tonight:

a. any single item by Missoni
(grr)
b. any single "hot new leather stud"

Seen at Target tonight:

a. one single woman using her hijab for hands-free iphone use.
b. one single hot old leathery stud.

Ah....just what you need now....

2011-09-11T17:28:00.004-05:00

And by "you", of course I mean "me".

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to romance my air conditioner
like she deserves.

thought for the day

2011-09-11T05:12:00.001-05:00

hydranger

2011-09-08T16:23:00.003-05:00

All this talk of hydrangeas has me thinking:

1. What's wrong with hydrangeas? I like them.
2. What's wrong with "loathing" hydrangeas....or any flower for that matter.
I loathe Gerber daisies, myself.
3. Who didn't know Madonna was a bitch already? I mean really. This is news?
4. I love bitches.

5. An anecdote:

My mother once told me a story about my grandmother (her mother) recovering from a stroke.
She was in the hospital and woke up one morning to see a vase of cheery yellow chrysanthemums on the table in her room. My aunt had brought them to her.

My grandmother, unable to speak ever after the stroke, and half paralyzed...still managed ...by sheer force of will....to knock those goddamned mums off the table and mouth (in French),
"Don't bring me no mums! I'm not dead yet!" to her daughter.
Yeah, she loathed mums.

6. Grandma was a bitch.
7. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

thought for the day

2011-09-07T22:23:00.000-05:00

thought for the day*

2011-09-05T11:27:00.001-05:00

labor

thought for the day

2011-09-04T23:50:00.000-05:00

when life gives you tropical storms...

2011-09-04T23:29:00.011-05:00

Eat gelato. Or something.
Anway, we spent the worst of Tropical Storm Lee at Brocato's.
Due to the inclement weather, for once, the line didn't even stretch out of the door.

Going to Brocato's is always like taking a trip back to 1940, in the best possible way.

John's cassata, note doily.

Pastry swans. I always want to get one of these, but have a feeling that they look better than they are, you know. I always end up getting my standard Baci gelato instead. I never get enough of that stuff.

The toilet seat with a futuristic (for 1950) machine that slowly dispenses a saran wrap toilet seat condom, automatically sanitizing it for your protection.

This is what the whole city of New Orleans needs around it.
The Army Corps should get cracking on that asap.

needed now

2011-09-02T16:08:00.002-05:00

For my ride

For my milk

For my paperwork

For my ~~bed~~ curio shelf

For my bathroom

For my soul

For my ass

For my....cat

via

nice

2011-08-30T20:46:00.000-05:00

the big smokey

2011-08-30T15:49:00.005-05:00

Sunday night I woke up at about 2 in the morning to the smell of fire.
I panicked, thinking the place was on fire. "WTF?!" I thought, "Wasn't Katrina enough?"

I pulled myself together and gave a search around, but nothing seemed amiss either in my place or anywhere else. Strange.

So I went back to bed, figuring I'd at least get some sleep before I burned to a crisp. Anything to get a few hours of sleep, you know.

I woke up to find out that it was a huge marsh fire (started by lightening) out in the east.

Here it is from space a few hours ago:

The whole city's been affected even the suburbs. Depending on the wind, it may be a bit worse or better, but it's hard to escape. What makes it bad is that there are supposedly dangerous toxins burning up, or so they say.
At least three of my students have already been to the emergency room.
Whatever the case, it's nasty and it stinks.

It seems to have hit its worst today. Meahwhile, even indoors, even with AC, everywhere it smells like fire.

This afternoon, the gals at Target all had their face masks on. Can't be too careful cashiering, I guess.

Meanwhile, I'm going to get the industrial strength Renuzit and nuke the hell of of this place: Renuke it, as it were.

thought for the day

2011-08-29T04:04:00.003-05:00

random stuff, randomly bought for cheap, randomly posted

2011-08-28T18:46:00.017-05:00

A lovely picture frame of ebonized wood, inlaid with mother of pearl and silver. It said it was from Damascus, and had half of a torn photo of a patrician looking Syrian gentleman's jaw in it. Found it at the Goodwill for 3 dollars. I've put one of my old fairy tale illustrations in it.

Hand-carved, solid marble statue of Athena, from the consignment shop.
5 dollars.
Cheesy yes, but a hellenophiliac nerd like me just couldn't resist.

Some Himalayan musk, which I think I hate. I'd hoped I'd smell like a maharaja, but it smells more like an old lady. Though come to think of it, this and a turban and I guess there's not much difference between the two, is there?

Speaking of turbans:
Vhs tapes.
John chivalrously purchased them a while back off the street, after I'd sheepishly admitted I'd never seen any of them.
Shameful, I know. know, but I am doing my homework. In fact we watched Sunset Boulevard that very night on his VHS player (I'm serious.)

Plastic cutlery from Dollar Tree. This is the view from the Dollar Tree parking lot.
Nicer than a pic of plastic forks, right?

Antique butterfly collection under glass. It was a bargain in the consignment shop, so I had to have it. I hung it on dog chain. Probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

Answer

2011-08-28T09:19:00.001-05:00

surprised?

50 smacks

2011-08-27T10:06:00.003-05:00

Yes, so the whiff of desperation is ripe on his part in these pics, but who am I to look a gift horse in its ass?

It's my dear Mr.Ford's golden birthday today.

How will you celebrate? I'm wearing shorts, that's what I'm doing.

thought for the day

2011-08-26T23:23:00.000-05:00

via

guess who

2011-08-26T18:16:00.004-05:00

Sometimes when I'm bored ~~all the time~~ I find myself looking up random stuff ~~porn, porn and more porn~~ and ~~but~~ stumble upon pictures like this ~~instead~~ .

So, who's got a guess?

thought for the day

2011-08-25T16:05:00.000-05:00

via

The Help

2011-08-23T19:35:00.010-05:00

My mother a few weeks ago:
"Oh, there's this movie I want to see! It looks like something I'd like."
Me:
"What is it?"
Her:
"I don't know the name. It just looks like something I'd like. It's set back in my time...but, you know, with black people."
Me:
" uhhh..._The Help_?"
Her:
"Yeah! That's it. I love those kind of movies! "
Me:
"Well, you'll have to find someone else to take you. Sorry. I'm not wasting money on
*that*."
Her (dejected):
"How come?"
Me:
"'Cause I don't want to see it, that's why. It just looks stupid."

Of course, evil bitch that I am, two weeks later I saw it.

Burning up with guilt, I told her.
She was understandably angry.

Me:
"But I'll take you. I don't mind. I'll see it again."

But it was too little too late. She'd already gotten herself a date.
Serves me right, I know.

Anyway, despite myself, despite a lot of things, I liked it.
So, there, there's your review. Do with it what you will.

thought for the day*

2011-08-22T22:25:00.002-05:00

*r.i.p. nick

thought for the day

2011-08-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

So what's your fast food of choice?

2011-08-21T18:49:00.013-05:00

McDonalds
KFC

Popeyes
Burger King
Wendy's
Church's
Pizza Hut

Taco Bell

Chick Fil A

thought for the day

2011-08-18T22:32:00.001-05:00

via

celery and benefits

2011-08-18T19:04:00.004-05:00

The other day, John (who's from NY) brought me this:
Cel-Ray.

He'd mentioned it a while back at dinner, and I was intrigued. I mean....Celery!? Soda?!
(what, you're going to tell me you're not intrigued? pshaw)

Somehow or another he tracked it down here.
I have to admit, I was dubious when I first sipped it, but it's actually pretty good. It's only slightly sweet and the celery flavor is fairly subtle.

My first thought, however, was that a splash or two of vodka would only make it better...but then that's true for just about anything, right?

thought for the day*

2011-08-17T06:31:00.003-05:00

*damn it's hot.

The glass is half broken

2011-08-16T16:55:00.006-05:00

This morning, as I drove directly into the retina searing sun, I reached for my sunglasses...only to find them broken. The screws had miraculously unscrewed themselves and disappeared into the ether by themselves. My other three pairs of sunglasses were also broken. Two pairs of cheap ones, one expensive, all broken.

My two spare sets of prescription glasses are also broken...both in the same week. One is now held together with florist wire (because I'm too lazy to get a screw and fix it) the other's plastic frame just spontaneously cracked.....poof.

Maybe it's something to do with the 10,000,000 degree heat around here.
Who knows.

Anyway, every set of glasses I own (6!) is broken....all in the space of 14(!) days.
Clearly, something freaky is afoot ( an-eye?).

Of course, if I'd been wise and bought the Perfect Mate system (^), things would clearly have been different.

thought for the day

2011-08-11T15:53:00.001-05:00

ahem