May 27, 2011

the good plates

In my never ending quest to become a dowager, the other day, I found myself in my favorite consignment shop, buying a very incomplete set of china. I've never owned china. Why would I need china?
Suddenly I've begun to feel the need. What's happening to me???
What's next? dildos doilies?
I'm afraid.

I adjusted my corset, glanced through my lorgnette and spied it,
near this vignette:

(Thankfully the ceramic gnomes are safely locked behind glass. For our own safety, I'm sure.)

On the other side, a decoupaged Pekinese purse looked at me plaintively.
Anyway, I ignored it all, and honed in my china.

What I'm going to do with it, I don't know, but the color is so pretty.
And the gold!
I'm a sucker for gold.

The tag said it's French, and about a hundred years old. There are a few saucers, one poor little cup, and a few salad plates. I've used them once, for cake. It made it look ever so posh.

Anyway, the whole shebang was $15.00, and takes up very little space, so I didn't feel too gilty.
Ha, get it? (sheesh...never mind)

Your ideal mate

Who's your lucky lady?


May 24, 2011


One of my worst traits is my lack of ambition, I think.

The other night I had dinner with some former coworkers.
We went to a sub-mediocre Chinese buffet where I was spit on for an hour or so by a semi-continent 90 year old, the father of one of them.

Then we all retired to watch a marathon of "Little House on the Prairie".
One did needlepoint of Ringo Starr's head, while the other's boyfriend wheezed a monologue about Stalin's nazi medical experiments in Roswell NM.
Yes, you read that right.
This was my Saturday night.

But back to my lack of ambition.

They'd been pressuring me to leave my school ever since they left, a few years ago.

"You need to just come here. You'll make nearly twice as much as you're making now!" They repeated. "I should have left long ago. Come on, we'll put in a word for you. Here's the number."

I make so little money, less than just about anyone I know.
Heck, I think my students make more than I do. They were only looking out for me. I love them for that.

My job is a nightmare sometimes, believe me....but it's my nightmare, you know?

For many reasons: fear, inertia, comfort, security, commitment, love, laziness...I just didn't feel like going to teach with them there. Of course, they clucked their tongues at me, but I was too afraid.

Now, however, things have changed. I'm still making a pittance, but they're both unemployed now. One because she was laid off in the mass purge of teachers last year, and the other because she's just tired of teaching. Actually, come to think of it, every other teacher I know has quit working in the past few years....burned out. I can understand.

Over "Little House on the Prairie", they both regaled me with horror stories, the defecation in the halls that greeted them every other week, the fires in the bathroom, in the trashcans, the arrests mid class.

They'd both taught murder victims. One had taught a total of three convicted murderers, one of whom had been arrested in the middle of her Social Studies class...for murdering one of her other students in an earlier class.

Thankfully, I've only met my share of murderers at PTA.
I've never taught any, well, yet.
The three murderers (parents of my students), that I have met, by the way, have all been perfectly lovely...much nicer than most parents.


Anyway, if I had gone with them, who knows what would have happened. I'm pretty sure I'd either be unemployed or worse by now.

Maybe my lack of ambition paid off after all, come to think of it. Or not. Who knows.
I'm glad I did not move.

But the next time I'm at dinner with a spitter, I will at least move to the further side of the table.
Baby steps.

thought for the day


May 23, 2011


I just spent two hours in a cave, hunched up in the dark, my arm wedged uncomfortably against the wall, a freezing wind blowing on my face.

I knew I should have remembered to bring a jacket to the theater.

Anyway, it's not just any cave, but the Chauvet cave, the site of some of oldest cave paintings in the world. Werner Herzog (he of the fabulous voice)'s film.

"A 3-D Documentary?"
I heard a guy sniff to his friend trying to encourage him to see it. "You have to be kidding."

Not an unreasonable thought, but it was totally worth it.
You should see it if you have the chance.

The place is utterly spellbinding. The cave itself, even without the paintings is like a fairyland of calcite. It's gorgeous. And then there are the drawings.

The way the cave artists managed to draw so beautifully and elegantly, the horses, the bison, the mammoths, and especially the lions is fascinating.

And to think that the place had been sealed up for 30,000 years or so, with nothing to disturb it, until 15 or so years ago. It's a terrible cliche, but it truly is like stepping into another time for a few hours.

May 19, 2011

random things seen today

On a walk to get coffee (a pre-figurement of the Rapture)

From the coffee house to my house (wisdom from the gutter)

On the way to Target ( the giant king of Metairie)

On the way to my mother's (anthropoid carrying a severed head up an abandoned warehouse)

"she makin' groceries..."

So much to love here, not the least of which is that it's filmed at my local Walmart

May 17, 2011

May 16, 2011

eleven sexy virtues

1. Compassion
2. Enthusiasm

3. Altruism

4. Diligence

5. Nobility

6. Charity
7. Cooperation
8. Piety

9. Intelligence

10. Filial devotion

11. Chastity


thought for the day

May 15, 2011

Bill Cunningham N.O.

So I saw this film, Bill Cunningham NY, this weekend at the film fest.
It was so wonderful.

I was nestled between a pair of librarian types, with matching pewter bobs, sensible shoes and Sally Jesse Raphael glasses...a cadre of stylish young girls a la Zooey Deschanel...and a pair of male models one blond, one looking like a young 70s porn star.

Anyway, the point is Bill.
He's such an inspiration, such a joyful guy, it's hard not to be completely
charmed by him.
I heartily recommend it.

high water

Today was a perfect day, freakishly beautiful weather. It gave me pause, thinking that maybe these doomsdayists are right and it is near the Rapture, because it ought to be already hot down here by now. Something must be up, you know? This beautiful weather just ain't right.

Anyway, I was all set to spend the rest of the day doing laundry when a friend called and asked me to join them in the quarter. It was just too nice to say no.

We took a trip out to the river to see how how it is. There were lots of folks out there, making it festive. It's not as high as it had been before they'd opened the spillways up river, but it was still pretty high.

This girl was waving to her mother on board the ship, off to the Caribbean and "the Equator" she said.

It was moving fast too, listing a bit too far to the left for my comfort, but what do I know. I think when the river's that high and it's moving that fast, it can easily get the better of a ship making that curve.

Last thing we need is a cruise ship full of Norwegians crashing into the levee and flooding the city, you know?

May 14, 2011

my childhood bedroom....

Circa age 10 or so. Decorated by moi.
Good god I was am a fag.

May 10, 2011

overheard 6 p.m.

My mother: "Trey's graduating."
(she holds up two photos, one in a tux, the other in his high school jersey, pretending to toss the football)

Me: "Who?"

Her: "Your little cousin, you know."

Me: "Oh."

Her: "You like this card? I picked it 'cause he likes dogs.
(she holds up a graduation card with a dog in a cap and gown.)

He's going to trade school.

He ain't that smart.

He likes to sleep with his dog, I got a card with a dog on it.
You like?"

Me: "um...sure."

May 9, 2011

May 6, 2011

mother's day gift ideas

A lovely corsage.

A cute new pet.

A nice photo for dad.

A box of wine.

A ride to church.

Some fun jewelry.

A mink stole.


May 5, 2011

pre-mother's day

Every day around here is mother's day as far as I'm concerned, so thankfully, she doesn't put too much pressure on me for the big day.

She does, however, expect a card...and a good 12 solid hours of talking at me.

First thing she does upon receipt of any card is flip it over and look for the Hallmark label...and the price.

God help the soul who sends her a cheap card. They never live it down.

Of course, spend too much and you're chastised for being a wanton spendthrift. I've made that mistake more than once.

You know you can't win. But that's the cardinal rule of all motherhood, isn't it?

Anyway, I bought her card a while back, and while not a Hallmark, hopefully it'll pass muster because it's just about the tackiest thing I could find.

Yes, it's a pop up card featuring cats and butterflies, two of her biggest fetishes. It's hideous...oh, and glittered.

Glitteous, I could say.
Sadly, it's just her style.

Anyway, I held my nose and bought the damned thing.
That there, bud, is love.

May 4, 2011

thought for the day

seen recently

Seen on the bulletin board of the only (I think) mardi gras supply/ethnic food grocery/woodburning pizza kitchen in Bywater.

I'm going to light a can of Aquanet just as soon as I can get there.

more here