Ornament with taxidermy feet
A tv dinner in blown glass
Ornament with taxidermy feet
A tv dinner in blown glass
"Where'd you get this deer butchered?"
"Oh, up at the twin's (my cousin) house."
"Hmm...I hope he's taking care of it (my late aunt's old house).
You know how he is."
"Yeah. He ain't nothin' but trash, like all
them. (my father's family)
But thank God his wife kind of keeps him in line.
She done knocked
the shit out of him already a few times, put him in the hospital.
She's a big woman there, but she got sense.
I mean, yes, he's got a great body, and I guess he's funny, but sexy he ain't. I mean really. But what do I know?
A cursory flip through the magazine made me groan aloud. Then again, I have to remember, this is the magazine who's put Tom Cruise there at least once.
So, being lazy, here's my attempt at NIHG's Sexiest Men Jason Can Think of Right Now.
I haven't put anyone on here I haven't already written about here. I'm just that lazy, but then so is People, don't you think?
This is by no means a definitive list. I could do this all day. Actually, I think I do do this all day. Still each of these I think, deserves the spot more than Mr. Morisette-Johansson up there.
Here they are, in vaguely chronological order. I've put together someone for every age, equal opportunity, that's what I'm saying.
My uncle's colon cancer has returned:
"They say if they cut him open, that'll be it. Pfft. (makes the universal sign of death with her finger across the neck).
Catherine (her sister, his wife) complains about how he has the shits all the time, but,
you know, how she is, always a bitch."
My hotshot cousin Chad has gotten out of jail for dealing coke:
"I don't know how he got his job back, but he did. Must be sleeping with someone over there."
My great uncle has had his gun collection stolen:
"Thought it was his drunk of a grandson, turned out it was the druggie granddaughter. And get this, her grandmother was helping her, no less! They're both drug heads. I always figured, ever since I saw all those empty pain pill bottles all over the floor when we went up to Natchez with her.
You remember that? (umm...this was in 1988). Seems this girl, the granddaughter, went to 7 years of college and never enrolled for a single class. Spent it all on drugs. Your aunt is off living with her now, both
run off together."
My cousin Gail's ex husband has died of brain cancer. He was my age:
"Poor thing. I don't know why she divorced him. I mean I know he was ugly and all, but still, he loved her....and he was a millionaire. I guess even that's not enough money for her."
My cousin Gail has married again:
"Last time I talked to her at the funeral, she said she was 'finished with them men.' What happened there?
Hmm? Anyway, he's like 15 years younger than she is. She likes 'em
young. Always did. Her. Young and with money. There's no way should wouldn't marry for the money, just like her mama."
My other cousin's wife also died of brain cancer a few weeks ago:
"You should have seen Julie (my cousin, the deceased's step daughter), she looked like the walking dead, like that singer with the anorexia, you know the one?"
My uncle's wife, his former mistress, has gotten a new new car:
"She just got that one too, and traded it in already! No telling how much money that cost. I guess he's really paying for it now, isn't he? heh."
"Thanks for the compliment, but your not my type. I need to clean and get Thanksgiving stuff, but just opened this account, so I'm trying to figure it out. Seems a bit awkward; I've not done an edating site before.
You cooking for Tday?"
(Confused white Northern coworker slowly closes the styrofoam lid and walks off.)
"John Gidding is an American/Turkish architect, television actor and former fashion model.
Gidding was born in Istanbul, Turkey to an American father and a Turkish mother, where he lived until moving to the United States for college after attending Leysin American School in Leysin, Switzerland. He graduated from Yale University in 1999 with a BA in architecture, then the Harvard Graduate School of Design with a Masters in architecture"
John Gidding Boyfriend
John Gidding Shirtless
John Gidding Married
1. He has to laugh at (at least some of ) my stupid
jokes...and at himself. I'll gladly laugh at his and myself.
2. I'm a sucker for talent. It's one of those things that automatically
makes me interested in even someone kind of homely: the ability to write
(!), or act, or paint, or sing, or cook, or well, never mind.
Talent is always attractive.
3. I'm a sucker for a nice voice too, but who isn't?
4. He should be genuinely interested in my life...at least some of the
time. Lord knows, I'd reciprocate. Hell, I've reciprocated even when he hasn't.
5. As for looks, well, my tastes run the entire
gamut. I mean really. I've found myself attracted to just about every
type... every single age, race, height, weight and coloring
you can imagine. I mean really...I'm pretty much a whore A celibate whore, but
But I guess if someone put a gun to my head and made me narrow down
one type, I'd say I tend to favor men who are tallish, slender, hirsute, and
dark haired. Oh, with good teeth. I kind of have a fetish for good teeth.
6.Lastly, he should want to be with me. This is, of course, the most important (and most elusive, alas) of all these qualities. It trumps them all, I'm sure.
Are you still awake? I didn't think so.
Anyway, who knows, maybe he's out there somewhere, right?
Actually, he probably is. No doubt right now somewhere he's petting his Irish setter, drinking cognac, listening to the rain, sensitively reading Shelley by firelight...while his bitch of a husband is grudgingly scrubbing skid marks out of his dirty drawers.
As for "tagging", I tag you, gentle readers.
How would you build your own "perfect" man?
("Alison", Target snack bar cashier - looking like a blonde Shrek with cystic acne scars and Bo Derek braids.)
To The Sexy Gentleman in the Cemetery Today - m4m - 32 (St. Louis Cemetery
We made eye contact a few times while walking around the cemetery.
You were taking pictures of a family member at Marie Laveau's tomb. You are a
very sexy gentleman. I should have said something, but didn't want to intrude on
family time. Send me a message if you happen to come across this...
•Location: St. Louis Cemetery #1