Nov 30, 2010

Xmas cheer

(or stuff I don't have, but wish I did)

Ornament with taxidermy feet




A blinking Rudolph wall lamp


Everything here

A tv dinner in blown glass

Vintage cardboard fireplace, the kind I remember as a kid. (sigh)

thought for the day

Nov 29, 2010

conversation over dinner...

(dinner = one of the deer my father killed this weekend):


Me:
"Where'd you get this deer butchered?"

My father:
"Oh, up at the twin's (my cousin) house."

Me:
"Hmm...I hope he's taking care of it (my late aunt's old house).
You know how he is."

My mother:
"Yeah. He ain't nothin' but trash, like all
them. (my father's family)
But thank God his wife kind of keeps him in line.
She done knocked
the shit out of him already a few times,
put him in the hospital.
She's a big woman there, but she got sense.
I like
her."


(*photo courtesy of Elle Decor: Whitetrash Dream House Edition)






Nov 26, 2010

Sexiester

While at Target today, braving the crowds, I happened to see
Ryan Reynolds glaring at me from People's Sexiest Men with a current project to promote Alive issue


It looks like he's on the couch letting a side fart out there to me. I'm sure the doritos are just out of camera frame.

I mean, yes, he's got a great body, and I guess he's funny, but sexy he ain't. I mean really. But what do I know?
A cursory flip through the magazine made me groan aloud. Then again, I have to remember, this is the magazine who's put Tom Cruise there at least once.
So, being lazy, here's my attempt at NIHG's Sexiest Men Jason Can Think of Right Now.

I haven't put anyone on here I haven't already written about here. I'm just that lazy, but then so is People, don't you think?

This is by no means a definitive list. I could do this all day. Actually, I think I do do this all day. Still each of these I think, deserves the spot more than Mr. Morisette-Johansson up there.

Here they are, in vaguely chronological order. I've put together someone for every age, equal opportunity, that's what I'm saying.

Stanley!



the adorable Mark Ruffalo



the dreamy Mr. Franco


the sexy, sexy Tom Hardy
the sweet Charlie Cox

Nov 25, 2010

thought for the day



via

Angstgiving



Yes, I'm a Thanksgiving grinch.
Sorry.
I never have liked the holiday, ever.

Anyway, as per the past few decades, it's been me and my mother pretty much.
Just us two.
As is also traditional, we end up at the casino buffet, where we eat deep fried everything, and she barrages me with nonstop bitchery about the family.

Ex:

My uncle's colon cancer has returned:
"They say if they cut him open, that'll be it. Pfft. (makes the universal sign of death with her finger across the neck).
Catherine (her sister, his wife) complains about how he has the shits all the time, but,
you know, how she is, always a bitch."

My hotshot cousin Chad has gotten out of jail for dealing coke:
"I don't know how he got his job back, but he did. Must be sleeping with someone over there."

My great uncle has had his gun collection stolen:
"Thought it was his drunk of a grandson, turned out it was the druggie granddaughter. And get this, her grandmother was helping her, no less! They're both drug heads. I always figured, ever since I saw all those empty pain pill bottles all over the floor when we went up to Natchez with her.

You remember that? (umm...this was in 1988). Seems this girl, the granddaughter, went to 7 years of college and never enrolled for a single class. Spent it all on drugs. Your aunt is off living with her now, both
run off together."


My cousin Gail's ex husband has died of brain cancer. He was my age:
"Poor thing. I don't know why she divorced him. I mean I know he was ugly and all, but still, he loved her....and he was a millionaire. I guess even that's not enough money for her."

My cousin Gail has married again:
"Last time I talked to her at the funeral, she said she was 'finished with them men.' What happened there?
Hmm? Anyway, he's like 15 years younger than she is. She likes 'em
young. Always did. Her. Young and with money.
There's no way should wouldn't marry for the money, just like her mama."

My other cousin's wife also died of brain cancer a few weeks ago:
"You should have seen Julie (my cousin, the deceased's step daughter), she looked like the walking dead, like that singer with the anorexia, you know the one?"

My uncle's wife, his former mistress, has gotten a new new car:
"She just got that one too, and traded it in already! No telling how much money that cost. I guess he's really paying for it now, isn't he? heh."






The Plymouth People




via

Nov 23, 2010

thought for the day



*and only one of my favorite songs of all time.

So, in a pique of delusion (?)....



tonight, I decided to compliment a (yet another) guy on his personal ad. He wrote back:

"Thanks for the compliment, but your not my type. I need to clean and get Thanksgiving stuff, but just opened this account, so I'm trying to figure it out. Seems a bit awkward; I've not done an edating site before.
You cooking for Tday?"


Not sure what to say to that.
Am I cooking? Hmmm....a bit of crow perhaps? That's about all.

Nov 22, 2010

thought for the day

Overheard: 12:30 pm

"Ummmm...is this...chicken? I thought I ordered chicken."

(confused white Northern coworker asks in horror, upon lifting the styrofoam lid of her homecooked church-benefit plate.)


"Oh no, girl. That ain't chicken."
(other coworker)

"That's chitLINs."

"Oh."
(Confused white Northern coworker slowly closes the styrofoam lid and walks off.)

Nov 20, 2010

lunch in the time of cholera


Thank goodness for facebook, otherwise I'd have cholera.
(or something)

So there's a "boil order" for the city today...again.
It's not the first time. Something about the power being off at the sewerage and water board or some such. Who knows.

All I know is that if we want to drink or brush our teeth, we need to bring it to a "roiling boil" for a full minute first, or risk disease.

The restaurant at which we (for my friend Carlos's birthday) ate for lunch, insisted that the iced tea had been made with "bottled water."
Hmmmm..yeah.
Tonight a friend of mine and I ventured out to one restaurant, only to find it closed. A sign in the window let us know the closure was due to this whole contaminated water stuff.
The restaurant we ended up at was open, and had a hand lettered sign insisting that their ice was "potable."

Of course I only found all of this out (after I'd brushed my teeth and taken a bath this morning, of course) by way multiple facebook postings. Seems the ban is still in effect until "further notice." How many days will this go on?


I swear, sometimes I think we're just one steel drum away from total Banana Republicanism around here. Maybe not even.

Nov 18, 2010

curbed appeal

Because I'm too lazy to even change the channel, whenever it's on, it's on HGTV.
I can't bear to watch the constant marathon of Househunters (a.k.a. "Rich People Bitching about Stainless Steel") but I do find myself drawn to Curb Appeal, in its newest incarnation.

Of course, that's mainly because of the host.



à la wikipedia:

"John Gidding is an American/Turkish architect, television actor and former fashion model.
Gidding was born in Istanbul, Turkey to an American father and a Turkish mother, where he lived until moving to the United States for college after attending Leysin American School in Leysin, Switzerland. He graduated from Yale University in 1999 with a BA in architecture, then the Harvard Graduate School of Design with a Masters in architecture"


Mmmmmm

Typing in his name at google, automatically, without prompting the following search topics pop up:
John Gidding Boyfriend
John Gidding Shirtless
John Gidding Married


Um. Seems I'm not alone.
Oh, but those poor dear girls out there typing in "married". I can't say I blame them, however. He's exactly the kind of dreamy gay boy I'd be crushing on if I were a straight gal too. Hell, who am I kidding.

Seems at least one poor hopeless gal (uh...no, not me) took the time to ask the ridiculous question:
Is John Giddings Gay? at Answers.com.
I won't even insult you with the answer.

Supposedly this is his boyfriend

On one of the most recent episodes of Curb Appeal, the homeowners surprised him with a romance cover he'd posed for.
He seemed genuinely abashed, which is only more cute.

Nov 17, 2010

creepyland



I'd watched this at gawker a while back. I went over there not long ago, just for a very brief looksee, on my way to see my recently deceased car, and it was just as creepy as you'd imagine.

Nov 13, 2010

Hockneyesque






No reason, except that I kind of loved this Hockney inspired photo shoot.

Nov 11, 2010

man meme


So it seems hayward tagged me in a "Man Meme"

It asks "what are the ingredients for the secret recipe for my perfect man"?
At first I was excited by this idea.... but upon recollection, I realized just what a snore this list would actually be.
So, um...sorry about that.
But anyway, here it is:

1. He has to laugh at (at least some of ) my stupid
jokes...and at himself. I'll gladly laugh at his and myself.

2. I'm a sucker for talent. It's one of those things that automatically
makes me interested in even someone kind of homely: the ability to write
(!), or act, or paint, or sing, or cook, or well, never mind.
Talent is always attractive.

3. I'm a sucker for a nice voice too, but who isn't?

4. He should be genuinely interested in my life...at least some of the
time. Lord knows, I'd reciprocate. Hell, I've reciprocated even when he hasn't.

5. As for looks, well, my tastes run the entire
gamut. I mean really. I've found myself attracted to just about every
type
... every single age, race, height, weight and coloring
you can imagine. I mean really...I'm pretty much a whore A celibate whore, but
still.

But I guess if someone put a gun to my head and made me narrow down
one type, I'd say I tend to favor men who are tallish, slender, hirsute, and
dark haired. Oh, with good teeth. I kind of have a fetish for good teeth.
And noses.

6.Lastly, he should want to be with me. This is, of course, the most important (and most elusive, alas) of all these qualities. It trumps them all, I'm sure.


Are you still awake? I didn't think so.

Anyway, who knows, maybe he's out there somewhere, right?
Actually, he probably is. No doubt right now somewhere he's petting his Irish setter, drinking cognac, listening to the rain, sensitively reading Shelley by firelight...while his bitch of a husband is grudgingly scrubbing skid marks out of his dirty drawers.

As for "tagging", I tag you, gentle readers.

How would you build your own "perfect" man?

tender is the night



Some (new) Brian Ferry (!)

Nov 8, 2010

Done this morning, before 9 a.m.


Explaining what a "shin" is...

to a 17 year old.
(hint: "it's not on your face")

Breaking up a near fist fight...

over grits.

(yeah, grits).

Cleaning up dried menstrual blood from "Cootuh's" chair...

Again.

Nov 7, 2010

How to have style (part quatre)

1. Don't be afraid to be sexy



2. Pink chiffon never fails


3. Know how to pose.
4. Diagonal stripes (and wedge shaped hair) are slimming




5. Maximize your best asset


6.Eyepatches are jaunty and practical.

7. You'll never go wrong in heels.



Nov 6, 2010

overheard, 4:14 pm

"Yeah, good thing it happened since I been on here, or I wouldna even got this crap ass job.
I'm just amazed it took me 31 years before I got arrested, you know what I mean?

Sorry, we ain't got no more hotdogs."

("Alison", Target snack bar cashier - looking like a blonde Shrek with cystic acne scars and Bo Derek braids.)

thought for the day


Nov 4, 2010

All Saints Day (or reason to love {?} New Orleans #225)


From Craigslist's notorious Missed Connections :


To The Sexy Gentleman in the Cemetery Today - m4m - 32 (St. Louis Cemetery
#1)

-------------------------------------------------------------


We made eye contact a few times while walking around the cemetery.
You were taking pictures of a family member at Marie Laveau's tomb. You are a
very sexy gentleman. I should have said something, but didn't want to intrude on
family time. Send me a message if you happen to come across this...


•Location: St. Louis Cemetery #1

--------------------------------------------------------------


Too bad he could work in a praline or something in there too, huh?

thought for the day

Nov 2, 2010

election night (or why I love my mother)



"Don't you vote for that Melancon! You know why"
(My uncle to my mother, his sister)

"Good god, Warren, how long ago was that?"
(my mother)

"That don't matter."

(my uncle)

"All I know is I ain't voting for that David Vitter. He ain't nothing but a Republican asshole, with his prostitutes and all that. I ain't never voted for a Republican and I'm not startin' now."
(My mother.)

(Vitter's opponent, it seems, dated my aunt back in high school.
Hell, who knows, if we shake the family tree hard enough maybe one of my cousins was one of Vitter's prostitutes too)