Aug 31, 2010

You just never know.

I'm either the unluckiest person on the earth or the luckiest.
I'm not sure which.

This morning, nearly to work, I was sitting at a red light, listening to NPR.

The next thing I knew it was like a bomb had detonated. There was
glass and plastic everywhere and the acrid smell of smoke.


I was rear ended by a presumably drunk driver. He hit my car full force, ramming my little two year old car (which I had had to get because another driver had run a stop sign and totalled my former car, nearly killing me and my friend) violently into the car in front of me. The car in front rammed into the car before her
and the culprit went barrelling away still speeding, until he hit a light pole, which stopped him.

Thank god for the airbag and seat belt or I would surely be dead now. I have a few minor cuts and my neck is beginning to hurt (the all too cliche whiplash?) But I'm all right.

Of course my car is destroyed. So was the drunk or drugged driver's and the woman in front of mine too. Mine is the worst, however. The back seats are bowed inward, the trunk was pushed all the way into the back seat. None of the doors opened, so I managed to squeeze out of a narrow gap, dazed and without my shoes...but still alive.

Somehow the force of the impact knocked my shoes off my feet.

My poor little cellphone, however, which I had stupidly put in my book bag in the trunk was crushed. Thankfully the police were on the scene almost immediately, not like the 5 hour wait at midnight in the hood two years ago, you know the one where we were witness to a gang gun fight about to begin.

I couldn't even get my keys out. I went to try, only to have the policewoman get bitchy with me. My car was smoking and likely to explode she said.

Anyway, I've spent the rest of the day dealing with insurance, getting a rental and trying to get a new phone.

The police report will take 14 days it seems, so I have to foot the bill for the rental until then. The drunken (or drugged?) driver was taken off in an ambulance, because he couldn't walk, wouldn't talk and was bleeding from the mouth.

Anyway, I'm just very thankful to be alive.

Aug 29, 2010

thought for the day



My credo

"Pick up for Barack"

So the Obamas are in my hood today, at Parkway, just up the street, getting his poboy on.

I wondered what all that commotion was. I can't get behind that whole cutting in line, however.








"(CNN) – Here's a line that would certainly grab your attention if it were
called out on the intercom as you're enjoying a lovely Gulf shrimp sandwich for
lunch: "Barack, pickup!"

President Obama was already mingling with the
patrons of the legendary Parkway Bakery and Tavern in New Orleans when his lunch
order was called. Some locals received a hug from the president–even though he
cut to the front of line.

"We're just glad to see you," one woman told
him, "Thanks for coming down."

Obama ran into trouble, though, when he
attempted to pay for the first family's lunch. Failing to produce enough money
for the food, he called over a White House staffer who produced a $20 bill for
the cash-strapped commander-in-chief."



The rest here

Aug 28, 2010

take a kayak!

Look, frankly I kind of still can't bear to think about the nightmare
that was Katrina.
I've assiduously avoided as best I could all reference to it this past week.
It ain't been easy.

But this (below) was the one thing that made me laugh out loud during those horrible, horrible, horrible days.
Let's remember the good times:


Aug 26, 2010

So I have this



new student, named IKEA.

Turns out, she's not even Swedish.

Aug 25, 2010

Still hot.


No, I did not break the AC in my classroom just so I could get a visit from the hunky young repairman.
It did it on its own, thankyouverymuch.
(But clearly, we have the same taste. )

Anyway, as he walked in this morning, I heard the class let out a quiet grunt of admiration
"mmmmmm"

I think I heard one girl in the back mutter a quiet, "damn."
Can't blame 'em.

I, however, had to stifle my own. Lemme tell ya, these are the days when you really earn your salary.

Aug 23, 2010

thought for the day*




"FOUND by Greg in a middle school:"

"This was left in class one day as I was getting ready to go. I student-teach at
the middle school for 5th and 6th graders. I’m glad to know that even in the
Bible Belt South love of any gender can exist. I’m going to keep it."




*as always Dusty's right

By way of found magazine and then reposted at my little tumblr site

Aug 22, 2010

thought for the day


Five random events from a boring day

1. I got stood up by my mother (!):

"Your nanan's (godmother) coming in today. She's going to go to take us to the casino, so I won't be here....but you can come after 5, ok?"

Sheesh. That's never happened before.
(but I'm not complaining, god, I'm really not)

2. In lieu of lunch, I ate the last piece of the chocolate cheesecake I'd made for Marshall's all-cold food potluck last week. It was all right, but that ganache stuff on the top (the leftovers of which I ate like a full cup of last week) is better.
(btw, if I ever were to commit suicide, I think I'd like to be mummified in a vat of this stuff)


(photo taken beforehand for insurance purposes, just in case it was destroyed on the way over)

3. I doctored the blister I got last night from brushing my hand against the oven rack. Yikes! It still hurts.


4. Freed up for the afternoon, I took a trip to the drugstore for bandaids and the bookstore for stationery. I can't tell you the anxiety this is causing me....to have to write. I mean by hand! And will this person even write me back, I wonder?

5. Anyway, I got home and took out the trash. In the can I found an unopened Pulp Fiction poster (which I promptly took) and a c. 1955 book on "The Mythopoetics" of Milton's Paradise Lost, (which I also took.....but not so promptly). Down below them were three empty boxes of Magnum condoms.
Why is this person moving out now, before I get to meet him/her, that's what I want to know? Come to think of it, it's probably for the best. No good could ever come of that, right?





Aug 21, 2010

Eat Pray Bingo



This afternoon I took myself to a showing of Eat Pray Love. What else did I have to do?
(The film version of the above is, sadly, not out yet, except maybe on x-tube)*found by way of Elizabeth


Anyway, I'm embarrassed to admit I'd been looking forward to seeing it. I'm a sucker for these sorts of chick flicks. I'm not proud of it, I'm just being honest. I can't help it.

I mean I do love World Market after all.

It was ok. I kind of hate Julia Roberts, but anything with James Franco and Javier Bardem is worth 7 dollars I figured, right? I had pretty low expectations, but it turned out to be
adequate. Not good or anything, but ok.
It was, however, much too long. But that's my standard complaint with every movie. I forgot my handy dandy Eat Pray Love Bingo sheet, which was just as well, since I'd have gotten bingo during the credits and that would have left me with nothing to do for the other 10 hours.


Inspired, I took a post movie pilgrimage to Target, Whole Foods and Shell. If you squinted hard enough, the cashier at the Shell looked exactly like a Balinese guru.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure his "do you want a bag for that?" is a prophecy of some sort.



thought for the day



Beware, this is a total earworm

Aug 19, 2010

thought for the day


via

Summer Fever



Tomorrow night I will not be going (with Dennis et al.) to see Donna Summer in concert.
Sucks.
I'm really bummed about it, but it was just too expensive (as it should be).
The past two months without a pay check need to be atoned for.
In short, I'm broke.

I've always thought that Donna never really has gotten the respect she deserves.
Here are two songs of hers that one doesn't get to hear often enough

Tomorrow night, I plan to put on as much of her music as I can stand, and dance around my bedroom. It'll be just like I'm a kid again.



Ok, so maybe I'm beginning that tonight already.

Aug 17, 2010

smoke and dust


About a decade or so ago, I was at an art opening, invited by a guy I very briefly dated. He claimed he could read palms, and because I was curious I went out with him, hoping I'd at least get a free reading.
Amazingly "palm reading" was not a euphemism, and he really did claim to predict the future from looking at the lines in your hands. Believe it or not.

He read my palm one day....and claimed it said that he and I "were meant to be together forever"...and...uh...that's when I was certain he was as full of bullshit as I'd suspected all along.

I don't read palms, but I'm kinda psychic like that.
But I digress....
Anyway, he'd invited me to an art opening one night, and having nothing better to do, I went.

I always seem to find myself at places where I know no one, not even the person who brought me there. But I digress again....


Most of that night I stood, bored, with a plastic cup of diet coke in my hand, while my date mingled with his friends.

While I was looking at the art, an older gentleman with beard and an expensive camera took pity on me came up to me, and chatted. He was self effacing and friendly. He asked me about myself, mentioned his love for New Orleans. We chatted about the artwork and the city. He took my photograph and moved on.

Later that night I learned that he was none other than Herman Leonard, the great jazz photographer.

During Katrina his home and his negatives were destroyed by the floods. I guess too heartbroken to return, he moved his family to Los Angeles.

And that's where he died this past Saturday.



Aug 16, 2010

I scream


It's 7:13 a.m. this morning, and the A/C in my class breaks....
again.

By 10 it was 96 degrees in there. But that could have been a hallucination....from the heat.

It might have really been 596. Hard to tell.

I'm eating ice cream for dinner...dammit....and then going directly to bed, hopefully to dream of an AC repairman dressed as the above.

Aug 13, 2010

Three things preoccupying me just now




Nocera's classic "Summer Time". Take me away, indeed.



Red Velvet Fried Chicken (yes, you read that right.) Dredged in red velvet cake crumbs, fried to a golden red velvet and served with cream cheese mashed potatoes)





This picture of James Franco, prostrate (yes, there is an "r" in there.....alas)

mmmm.....now where are those cream cheese mashed potatoes when you need them?


Aug 11, 2010

judging books by their covers

via Better Book Titles

"This page is for people who have trouble slogging through the information on book jackets or feel intimidated by the title and cover itself. How many times have you perused the cover of a novel only to rub your sore eyes and realize you've learned NOTHING from the book's title?!"


(aka Lolita)


(aka Imperial Bedrooms)


(aka Elements of Style)



(aka Ulysses)

thanks to Max

Aug 9, 2010

I bought a pig


A few days ago I decided to finally cancel my match.com subscription. I've been paying them for all these years. And for what? I mean really

I realized it was a disgrace for me to be wasting money on rejection and heartbreak when it could be put to much better use.

So, I donated the money to Heifer.org

This year I bought a pig.

Last year (in honor of my birthday) I'd bought a goat.

I'm just hoping my goat is still alive....being milked and breeding little kids...and that she didn't end up on the bad end of barbecue pit.

I'd have liked to have given her a name, you know?
I don't know why they couldn't have gotten her to write me a letter like the children I sent money to did,
I'm sure she could have scratched something out with a hoof, right?

Anyway, I'm naming my pig.
He's going to be Raoul, whether they like it or not.

Hell, at least my pig is going to have a sexy name, dammit.

thought for the day

via

Aug 8, 2010

Aug 7, 2010

"In the pages of blue boy magazine...."




In a few hours I'll be in Biloxi seeing Cyndi Lauper.

Yes, I realize that that sentence would have been so much better if it had been written 25 years ago and we could just have collective amnesia that Biloxi even exists.

But we can't.
So, it is what it is.

I'm going because someone else backed out and there was a ticket free...and ok, what the hell else do I have to do on a Saturday night, right?

I'm just hoping I make it there in one piece. Our fearless driver is a bit too fearless, and ever since my accident a few years ago, I've been more than a bit nervous. I could drive myself, but I think he might see it as an insult not to go ride with everyone else. Anyway, as with the rest of life, I'll grit my teeth and bear it.

Speaking of Cyndi, the other night at karaoke, I killed it on "She Bop".


I'll say this much, karaoke gives you a new respect for singers. Do you know how exhausting it is to sing "she bop" etc, 2000 times?

* addendum:
She was so great in concert. She looks fabulous for her age...hell, any age...and sounds insanely good.

Aug 6, 2010

book flub

Last month I joined a book club. The first meeting was very curt and awkward, but the meeting moved efficiently, at least. We came up with the plan that we'd each pick a book, and we'd each lead the discussion for the book we chose. We're supposed to meet again this week.

In email beforehand everyone else had listed some books they were interested in. I'd mentioned that they all sounded good, and thus avoided having to pick any.
Of course this backfired on me when I was (randomly) chosen to pick book number two.
I felt like I was back at school and caught not having done my homework.
Damn.
I had to scramble post meeting to come up with a book.

The book chosen for us first was Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, which I'd read once before, but, you know, I'm notoriously bad with plot, so it's like reading it again for me.
I'm dutifully re-reading right now, but it still hasn't grown on me. It's very Oprah Book Club-esque. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thankfully, the book I chose for my own book selection, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You, I'm liking.

Unfortunately, I only just got it in the mail yesterday. I couldn't find it at any of the book stores around here. I've been reading it ever since. I'd only read reviews of it, but it sounded good.

And it is.



Here's a synopsis:


"James Sveck, the 18-year-old protagonist of Cameron's (The City of Your Final
Destination) first novel for young adults, is a precocious, lonely and confused
Manhattanite who believes he would be happier buying a house in Kansas
surrounded by a sleeping porch than entering Brown University as planned and
being surrounded by his peers. “I don't like people in general and people my age
in particular,” he explains, demonstrating his obsessive concern with language,
“and people my age are the ones who go to college…. I'm not a sociopath or a
freak (although I don't suppose people who are sociopaths or freaks
self-identify as such); I just don't enjoy being with people." He claims people
“rarely say anything interesting to each other,” but his own observations are
fresh and incisive as he reports on his exchanges at home and at work. As the
novel opens, in July 2003, James's cynical older sister is having an affair with
a married professor of language theory; his mother ditches her third husband on
their Las Vegas honeymoon after he steals her credit cards to gamble; his
high-powered father asks if he's gay; and James is stuck working at his mother's
art gallery, which has mounted an exhibit by an artist with no name, of garbage
cans decoupaged with pages torn out of the Bible, Koran and Torah.
.....



Besides the author is cute too.

Aug 5, 2010

thought for the day



via

clash of the crushes



A movie starring Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore (as a lesbian who loves gay male porn).

Good god, am I in heaven????

So last night I took myself to see The Kids Are Alright and really liked it.
Apparently, I was wrong (Frontier P) and we here are maybe not a 10th tier city. Who knew?

It was a sweet movie.

Ok, so it's more than a little bit white, but it's still good.

Annette Bening still hasn't quite grown on me since that whole horrible American Beauty foolishness, but even she was actually pretty good in here.
In fact all the actors were pretty good, especially the teen daughter.

Anyway, I'm surprised I didn't self combust from the force of my conflicting crushes. There's a vortex of lust that easily could have sucked the whole theater up.
How hot are the two of them...and together!?

It's too much to bear.

But of course, I'll see it again.



"solid gold"



via mrpinky

Aug 4, 2010

more stuff I kind of need right now


Erotic doilies (is that redundant?)

A ride.

Deep Fried Coke-cola (i.e. the paragon of American ingenuity)



Flava

Just cute


Just not cute.

Every morning feel like Jayne.

All that, and a.....






Aug 2, 2010

back to work


What kind of sadist takes fifty people, traps them in a room to watch a power point presentation for eight straight hours.
With an intermittently working AC...in 105 degree heat.
Without running water...or working toilets.

Then feeds them beans and rice at lunch?
My bosses.

Aug 1, 2010

I can die now in peace (redux)




"Each room lights up as a poem is READ by Kinkade!"

For Frontier Psychiatrist