Yes, I'm a Thanksgiving grinch.
I never have liked the holiday, ever.
Anyway, as per the past few decades, it's been me and my mother pretty much.
Just us two.
As is also traditional, we end up at the casino buffet, where we eat deep fried everything, and she barrages me with nonstop bitchery about the family.
My uncle's colon cancer has returned:
"They say if they cut him open, that'll be it. Pfft. (makes the universal sign of death with her finger across the neck).
Catherine (her sister, his wife) complains about how he has the shits all the time, but,
you know, how she is, always a bitch."
My hotshot cousin Chad has gotten out of jail for dealing coke:
"I don't know how he got his job back, but he did. Must be sleeping with someone over there."
My great uncle has had his gun collection stolen:
"Thought it was his drunk of a grandson, turned out it was the druggie granddaughter. And get this, her grandmother was helping her, no less! They're both drug heads. I always figured, ever since I saw all those empty pain pill bottles all over the floor when we went up to Natchez with her.
You remember that? (umm...this was in 1988). Seems this girl, the granddaughter, went to 7 years of college and never enrolled for a single class. Spent it all on drugs. Your aunt is off living with her now, both
run off together."
My cousin Gail's ex husband has died of brain cancer. He was my age:
"Poor thing. I don't know why she divorced him. I mean I know he was ugly and all, but still, he loved her....and he was a millionaire. I guess even that's not enough money for her."
My cousin Gail has married again:
"Last time I talked to her at the funeral, she said she was 'finished with them men.' What happened there?
Hmm? Anyway, he's like 15 years younger than she is. She likes 'em
young. Always did. Her. Young and with money. There's no way should wouldn't marry for the money, just like her mama."
My other cousin's wife also died of brain cancer a few weeks ago:
"You should have seen Julie (my cousin, the deceased's step daughter), she looked like the walking dead, like that singer with the anorexia, you know the one?"
My uncle's wife, his former mistress, has gotten a new new car:
"She just got that one too, and traded it in already! No telling how much money that cost. I guess he's really paying for it now, isn't he? heh."