I got my birthday present to myself in the mail today, four days early. I used a gift card I'd gotten three years ago to buy it. It was so worn from being in my wallet all that time I could barely see the number.
Lemme tell you, the past few years
I'm struggling to keep my spirits up, and making some headway, but I'm on the cusp of my annual pre-birthday depression, I'm afraid.
So I turn to books...it's what I do. Unfortunately, this book seems to be a wash. I don't know what I was hoping for from it....maybe some practical advice, at least some "microwave recipes for one!" or "21 exciting new versions of Old Maid!" or something.
Its thesis seems to be that "Being gay and single is not a crime," and "There is a Conspiracy" (to make us want to be in relationships). I think that's actually one of the chapter titles. Is wanting a relationship a crime...or maybe a pipe dream by this point? Maybe it is. I'm trying to reconcile myself to my fate and love myself and all that stuff. I really am.
Anyway, it seems like most gay people I know are either in relationships, or quite happy to not be in relationships, either celibate or happily, swingingly single. I envy all three groups.
Seriously.
I wish I could make myself like that. I've tried. You'd think I wouldn't desire something I've never had so much. I dunno. My mother trained me to be a really good husband, what can I say?
Anyway, I figure the book cost me nothing, so what could it hurt.
Hell, I even have 25 cents left on the card, since I bought it used. Who knows, maybe it worked for the last owner...and he's now living happily ever after with his 20 cats.
26 comments:
I am struggling to be happy in a dysfunctional relationship....I guess the grass is always greener....Be strong....love is love and I think friends are better over lovers any day....
Impossible to improve on Mr. Bluehaunt's post. It's perfect.
Love is love, wherever it turns up. (Although I wasn't clearheaded enough to know that until my libido calmed down.)
I've been where you are, and know what you're going through. Sending a hug and a smooch your way.
Miss J agrees with much of what Mr. Bluehaunt posts... Being in a relationship has its own problems. But she also remembers really wanting one back in the day. She hope you find what you're looking for Jason.
You should’ve bought a dildo!
Here comes my long rant,
You know I’m always the bride and never the bridesmaid. I like having my boyfriend (G.I. Joe whom you have met) but I also like that he lives away in another town. It's why we're still together. I’m willing to live with him but I just don’t want a boyfriend in my house anymore. Isn’t that selfish? I’m a social person but I would actually be happy living in a cabin in the woods alone...with twenty cats and a game of old maid.
It’s not what its made out to be from those people that say, “Oh I just wish you could find your soul mate and be happy like we are...” It’s commitment and hard work to even tolerate living with another person. Everybody thinks that it’s walking hand in hand down the beach forever.
Now that I have gotten all of that out of the way, I really do hope you find your cellmate and that you two live happily ever after walking hand in hand down the beach all day long everyday.
Happy upcoming birthday sweet’ums.
ditto what everyone said! going thru a particularly rough patch & fantasize about saying goodbye.
not sure what to say about the birthday, i hate them, but i'm always reminded of the alternative.
xx
Be careful what you wish for. Just saying: like Erma Bombeck said "the grass is greener because it's usually over a septic tank..."
I'm paraphrasing. Still, I hate sleeping alone and the last 3-years post separation have been an uphill climb. I get so damn tired of it all.
Do share any practical pointers you pick up along the journey.
AND "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" hugs to you to! I so enjoy your blog; you bring a bit of happy time to my days. Sersly. X O
I'm happily single. It's never bothered me to be single. Which is good because I can't find a guy to date me!
*hugs*... i'd say SINGLE PEOPLE UNITE but, uh, yeah. i'm unhappily single muhself.
"I can't find a guy to date me!"
Okay does anyone believe what Michael just said?
Hands in the air...
*Rivers not Guy
Unfortunately I am with Mr Bluehaunt and Norma Desmond on this one. I always gathered that relationships were about complete acceptance, however now realise that there has to be a bit of give on both sides.
May I suggest our Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service?
It worked for Ayem8y!
I wish I could help honey. I know people think "there's someone for everyone," but I think it's mostly stupid luck.
Don't believe anyone who says "Stop looking for love and it will find you." That's a bunch of crap.
You gotta go out and find it for yourself. Many moons ago I broke up with a guy after 3 years together. It was for the best because he didn't want to grow up. He continually liked to 'party', and I was tired of it.
For the next four months I ENJOYED being single. I didn't have to account to anyone for my whereabouts, or listen to anyone complain because I snore sometimes.
Then I went to a 4th of July party that had many couples there, and I began to feel lonely. Sighing to myself I thought 'oh God, here we go again...the only place to meet gay men is at a gay bar'. I didn't want to go through THAT again.
The next day I signed up for Match.com thinking, 'I'm gonna take control of this situation and get the man I want, without having to play all the bullshit games'.
My checklist:
Older (check)
Financially well off (check)
Lived near me (check)
Nice smile (check)
Nice body (check & check)
Nice personality (check)
A bit broodish and straight acting (check, check, check)
Enjoys sarcasm (check)
(When I first met him for brunch, I was carrying my gym bag and one of the first things he said to me was, "What do you keep in the bag, your violin?" Ha! Funny. He has potential.)
After dating a few guys over the next month, I met the right one. Into the first few weeks of dating him, he introduced me to one of his close friends. His friend asked us how we met and we told him Match.com.
Then hubz said to his friend, "Yeah, I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find Corey." (I was caught - hook, line and sinker.)
That was nearly 8 years ago, and we're still together. Our personalities mesh, but he is definitely the more hot tempered one, whereas I'm the comic relief.
My goodness. Did I just write a blog post? Didn't realize it was that long.
Happy birthay to you, Jason.
Nothing any commenter can write will match the naked honesty and courage of this post. I almost wish you had turned off the comments on this one, and let it stand by itself. It's awesome.
Happy Birthday Jason! I'm about to have a vodka & soda in your honor. Maybe two.
Happy Birthday, you gorgeous, fabulous, beautiful creature!
LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
Happy Birthday dear Jeisean, Happy Burfday to you. Now go get laid.
Oh darlin, you are adorable (I've seen the pictures), a truly gifted writer, and funny as hell. I'd date you if you weren't gay and I wasn't married!
Happy Birthday honey, and may this be the year you find him.
xoxoxo
Hey Happy Birthday sweetie. I hope you are having fun tonight.
And I hope you are entertaining HIM.
xoxoxo
Jason...just don't give up and don't try too extremely hard. Love comes from the weirdest places. Corey James has a good idea. What do you have to lose? It's worth a try.
I do not believe darling Michael either...unless he has a life size doll of Joan Rivers in his bed...which might freak people out a little bit. I have a neighbor who has a life size version of Bart Simpson in his living room...he doesn't date much.
And I'm with Elizabeth, but AyeM8y might get jealous.
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