happy new years eve...

Wishing everyone out there a wonderful new decade! It's soon to be upon us.






*found by way of the wonderful sissydude and thombeau

unsolicited thoughts on movies recently seen

"Avatar":
Saw a perfect review of it somewhere: "Dances with Smurfs". Pretty well sums it up. I had no preconceptions. I figured I'd hate it, but I went just to see the 3d effects. They made me dizzy. The whole human subplot (astronauts etc.) was completely needless and confusing. Just focus on the Smurfs. Very heavy handed, but not that bad.

"Young Victoria" As a costume drama whore, of course I had to see this. I can't help it. I was the only man there, though there was this one woman up front with either an Adam's apple...or a goiter, hard to tell.
Whatever.
I'll see anything with a costume. The costume and sets were the chief attraction. It sort of wanted to be "Elizabeth", I think, but of course couldn't. Nice enough, but cold. It was the perfect diversion for a miserable afternoon.




"Coco Before Chanel": very disappointing and dreary. She seems like a sullen bitch. The only good part was the fashion show at the end. Oh, and the very dreamy Alessandro Nivola. I still remember fondly from when I was a kid, a French movie about her from that used to be run in the early days of HBO. I'd like to see that again. Oh, and "Lady Chatterly's Lover"....and "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" too.



"Nine": a few thoughts:
Fergie: surprisingly inoffensive. Marion Cotillard: stupid song, good actress. Judi Dench: doesn't even try an accent. Nicole Kidman: still thinks this is "Moulin Rouge". Kate Hudson: best song of a bad lot...such a waste.Daniel Day Lewis: so hot, so batshit crazy. You can just tell. Penelope Cruz: hot but not quite as batshit crazy.

Anyway, most importantly, why can't anyone get Sophia Lauren a decent wig?

That there would be a perfect movie-musical plot for you, Guido.

Movies missed, to be seen...or not:
"Precious" (because I'm "leading" a "book club" "discussion" on Push by Sapphire and am too lazy to read it...and yes, all of those quotation marks are warranted.), "A Single Man" (which will probably never come to this podunk town), "Up in the Air" (people tell me I should....zzzz), "Sherlock Holmes" (which looks bad, but again with the costumes...and Jude), "The Princess and the Frog" (purely out of parochial pride), and maybe even "It's Complicated" and "The Blind Side"(just because someone sneered at them both, and I'm ornery like that.)

just cause

Just another one of my favorite songs.

golden fleecing

So it's almost a brand new year, and I have another blog.

goldenfleecing

It's a place for stolen images, maybe even stolen from you...whatever catches my eye.

Needless to say, that means a lot of peen and porn....and other stuff as well.

Sorry...fair warning, it's nsfw.

Like my grandma used to say: "forewarned is for porned"...or something like that.

up up to the sky

I think my mother had this on a K-tel album when I was a child.
My imagination could never have conjured up a better video, however.

hot cocks

Sometimes when I glance over the images that I obsessively glean, I notice a theme.
Seems I'm drawn to cocks stupid puns .
Whodathunk?

Cocks will do anything to be longer.

Sometimes the cock just has to let the kitty ride.

Ever read the myth of King Midas?

Cock a doodle don't*

(thanks to Fabulastic for this last one)

Gemütlichkeit

I remember my mother telling me vague memories of when she was a very young girl of German POWs working in the cane fields under my grandfather.

I ran into this story by chance and couldn't help be intrigued, as a model house builder myself.
-------------------------------------------------

Model of a German Prisoner of War's Dream House Built at Camp Livingston, Louisiana. This amazing project was constructed by Unteroffizier Erwin Lederer of Kreis Backnang, Württemberg during his internment as a prisoner of war in World War II. Lederer was held at the POW facility at Camp Livingston, Louisiana. During the day he and the other POWs would work cutting lumber and in the evenings he would work on his dream house.

Using little more than cardboard, crate wood, milk cartons, office glue, and paint, Lederer carefully cut, pasted, and painted a model of the home he dreamed of building upon his return to Germany. He named the project "Villa Lotte" after his fiancée. Each piece; from the trees, shrubs, hanging baskets, flower pots, and lawn furniture are numbered and meticulously placed on the base along with the chain border for the walkways and the picket fence that surrounds the house.

There are cut-outs of Lederer's German Sheppard dog, a housekeeper, and his future wife in evening dress. The base measures 24.5" x 33" and the house is 16.5" high when placed on the base. The windows are cellophane and the house is wired for electricity, the lights powered by four period dry cell batteries (included but not functional). The entire house fits into a specially constructed box, also out of cardboard and bits of wood, for eventual shipment to Germany. That was not to be.

United States authorities denied Lederer's request to ship his project home. Rather than abandon his dream home on a trash heap, Lederer gave it to a translator at the camp. He was able to take it home.

For the last sixty years it has been packed away in that veteran's attic. The house comes with five pages of instructions on the assembly of the house and grounds and notes on the materials used (in German). The notes also mention that Lederer spent 700 hours building his home.

From the wonderful dinosaurs and robots

"now the party's over..."

I re-heard this today in TJ Maxx (don't judge...well, try not to at least. I know it's hard).

Anyway, when the list of "favorite songs of Jason" is written, (probably buried under a mountain of filty Betty Wright) will be this. It's perfect image of how I hope heaven is....but with slightly better tablecloths.

Anyway again, I hope in the afterlife, I get to be half as debonaire as Bryan Ferry...for at least a few hours.

Seven things not to do on Christmas day

1. Eat "Cajun injected" anything.

2. Dig a book out of neighbor's garbage.

3. Read a book by Sylvia Browne from neighbor's garbage.

4. Corn.

5. Look at photos of yourself, recent or old.

6. Visit match.com.

7. Stay sober.

xmas morn

(not me....either of them.)

(not me. I asked for Susan Powter, bitch.)

(not me. He can keep on going)

not a creature was stirring...

I'm afraid I'll be spending at least part of the holiday at
Chateau Doublewide aux Pines this year.

I'm bringing lots of magazines and liquor.

random sampling of sexy ladies

A. (for attitude)

B. (for better than you)

C. (for curls, jheri and arm)


D. (for desert isle/doggie style)

E. (for emotional stability)

F. (for feminist fellatio)

G. (for Gumby dammit)

H. (for hair and hose)

overheard 4 pm

Oooo...looka! Iss Reggie Bush.
Ain't he fine!? Umm!
(girl number one scrolls down the list of NFL stats.)

(Girl number two shrugs noncommittally):

"Yeah. He cute and all...I guess...but look how little he weigh.
Can't be doin that. (shakes head)
I don't want no man who weigh less than me."

"Yeah, well....good luck wit that, girl."
(girl number one laughs...after a slight delay, so does number two.)

so pretty

A bit more of Vashti Bunyan.

the necky

If the Snuggie got raped by a rogue dicky (it happens) this, I'm afraid, would be the result:




Also seemingly available in mink:




thanks to marshall for this.

hot buttered cheese

Last night I went to our annual white elephant party. I'm glad the tradition of stealing gifts and holding year-long grudges is intact. That's what the holidays are all about.
Actually, we all pretty much ended up with the gifts we'd brought.

I also watched my first Saints game this year, and of course they lost. I'm sure every Saints' fan will be relieved to know that I will not be watching again. I'm sure I'm the jinx.

Marshall (our intrepid host) had insisted that our dishes must be "red or green" and "home cooked, not store bought."
Damn.

I'd run through the list of dishes that would be palatable to everyone, even the pickiest of eaters, and couldn't think of anything. What could I make reasonably ahead of time? What was not too exotic, not too expensive, and reasonably easy?
In my research, I found this macaroni and cheese recipe by Martha Stewart. People online just went insane about it, so I was intrigued.

As you can see at the last minute, I decided to put some red (tomatoes) and green (asparagus) to skirt the rules.
This also makes it healthy, right? I figured I'd put one asparagus spear for each quart of butter used. That's got to cut clearly through the cholesterol, don't you think?
It took three types of cheese (the Gruyere was a good idea of hers, I have to admit), and I substituted cream for the milk called, you know, to offset the healthiness of all those cherry tomatoes. After this picture was taken, I went crazy and put even more of those tomatoes. It was practically a salad afterward, I swear.

It was good, but oddly not as good as my grandmother's old recipe, which used very sharp red wax covered American cheese, (something one can't seem to find anymore), long macaroni (bucatini), and a bit of sugar. It's the sugar that makes it.



I also made chocolate covered strawberries, just so no one could fault me on the whole "red and green" front there. I had bought a massive block of Ghiradelli chocolate. It cost a good bit, so I didn't waste a bit of it. I may just have to get the thing out of the house to keep myself from sleeping with it. Oh, and how cool is my dollar tree "silver" platter? A dollar! and it's not even plastic.

ice scream

found stolen by way of the very hot jill.

is it?

three pictures to cheer myself up

you just never know

Tonight, grumpy, having had to work another very late day, hungry from not having eaten, frustrated at yet another day of miserable rain, I decide to get fast food before going home and straight to bed.

Of course, someone would be blocking the intersection, trying to turn. I dutifully stop behind the line of cars waiting to turn. Listening half heartedly to the radio, I see, from the corner of my eye, a little boy and his sister, both about 10 or 11, running across the slippery street.
They stop on the median.

The boy yells at the girl, (his sister?)....

But suddenly she darts off into the traffic, trying to make it across, laughing at him for his cowardice.

I scream at her futilely from my car....
and watch as a pickup truck hits her, tossing her to the side.

Horrified and dismayed. I don't know what to do.

It all happened in a split second, but it seemed to go on forever.

I quickly called 911, put my car in park and got out.
The driver who had hit her had already gotten out, so had the men in the car in front of me, and the people behind. In just a few minute or so a crowd of at least 20 people had gathered around her. They picked up her limp body and brought it to the corner. I watched from a distance.
No one knew how she was.

Everyone called 911 simultaneously. I stayed there for a while, until a policeman showed up, not even able to see...not sure I even wanted to.

I was and feeling impotent and shaken up.
I felt sorry for the driver. Sure, she was driving too fast, but she really couldn't have stopped in time, and because of the blocked car, couldn't see the girl running. I can't imagine how horrible that would be.

Eventually, I walked back through the rain, got back in my car and drove slowly home. Then it hit me, and I had a good cry, from frustration and guilt and impotence and sadness. The most I can do for her is pray, I suppose.

Thanks to the ever-fabulous fabulastic for the magical new title up there. So cool!
I'm honored!

everything that's wrong with this country

(ok, ok.... I'd still probably take four of the five if offered.)

"what's a girl to do"

overheard, 7:35 am

"You seen how Rashonda was takin' pictures while we was cheering the other day?"

"Yeah"

"Well, I wake up this morning and what do I see?
My cootchie all up on facebook.
All up on it.
I'm serious. Just wait till I see that bitch.
I mean if she wanna put a cootchie up on facebook, let her put her own up there."

"Girl, you seen hers? It wouldn't even fit."

christmas shopping

Thanks to Kevin at the lisp for this.
It's helped me with at least 1/2 of my christmas shopping.

I'll be painting mine taupe to match my dust ruffle.

random art

"not last week, or last month..."

I listen to this almost every day to work, because I'm too lazy to change the cd it gets me in the right mood.

here comes the rain again

I just woke from a nightmare. In it, somehow I was living in my Mom's house (yeah, there's enough for a nightmare right there).

But, wait, there's more.

Like I used to do when I was in school, I was goofing off, not getting ready (in this case, for work), doing everything I could to procrastinate.
(sort of like what I'm doing now, writing this post)

Suddenly I turned around and water began rising from the floor. By the time I got to the hall, it was chin deep and rising still...and then....I woke up in a hot sweat.

After vaccuuming three gallons of water out of my car yesterday and hearing about at least two people (neither of whom I knew, but one degree away from each so it seems) who were killed in Saturday's sudden flooding, maybe it makes sense.
Freaky.

(Ok, so maybe driking three gallons of water before bedtime didn't help either, but thankfully, I didn't pee myself too.)

Anyway, let's hope today's promised rains are better.

do the...

doing everything but, it seems.

bah humbug and hello kitty

This morning I woke up feeling like an old(er) man. My arthritis was so bad I it felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Outside it's been raining and cold for the past few days, miserable.

Bah humbug etc.

Anyway, I'd hoped to have a few friends over tonight, whom I haven't seen in the past six months or so, but that all fell through.

One called yesterday at 1 pm (purposefully while I was at work it seems) to leave a message saying that she had to cancel, and then invited me to her niece's dance recital. One called to cancel a few days ago, because of a conflict with one of her boyfriend's family's event. The other I haven't heard from at all. (I suspect a craigslist hookup has intervened.)

Anyway, feeling a bit down and lonely, I decided to brave the traffic and rain and go Christmas shopping. What the hell, right?

I managed to get a fair bit done. I bought some clothes for the little girls I've "adopted" at work. A coworker of mine works with the homeless, and has a party for the children. Thank goodness I haven't been asked to be Santa or anything yet. I'd be mortified. Anyway, it's an excuse to buy toys and Hello Kitty paraphernalia with impunity.
That's a perk of the holiday season.

After that I went to Whole Foods, which was swinging...well, as swinging as someplace so white can ever be. They'd brought in a jazz band to play loudly in the middle of sushi bar. Needless to say, it was packed. Some woman in Lexus SUV nearly rear ended me in the parking lot, and do you know, but fifteen minutes later she managed to hit my buggy in the store. Bitch had it in for me, didn't even say "I'm sorry."


I decided to go ahead and buy myself some party foods, even if no one wanted to come over and see my little tree.
I bought some bread and a big honking block of danish blue cheese (on sale!) and two slices of cake, one a Tres Leches and one chocolate raspberry (which looked better than it tastes...yes, I've already had a taste. What else is there to do?)



Lastly, I bought some sort of lilies...a big bunch for 9 dollars. I figured I needed something green in here for the holiday. The Mylar tree isn't doing much on its own.

If I'm going to have a pity party, dammit it might as well look nice, right?


Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to climb into bed, turn on Raoul, my devoted loving faithful boyfriend electric blanket and eat tres leches from the carton.

the ghost of men's rooms present

I had thought that last year's holiday shopping bathroom experience, you know, when two loaded pistols were laid on the floor six inches from my terrified feet, was frightening...well, until tonight.

Entering a quiet suburban Target men's bathroom, I caught a
glimpse of two size 10ish spectator pumps, one a bit scuffed at the toe, both with a modest heel.





As I sat down, their wearer stood up, flushed the toilet 10 times in succession, went out and ran the water for a good 5 minutes, while I strained to see through the cracks.

I was too far from the door to see, but it sounded for all the world like a vigorous brushing of teeth.

Suddenly through the stall cracks, I could see a rush of Lane Bryant leopard print chiffon, and it was gone.



I finished up as quickly as I could, hoping to catch a glimpse of he/she/it in the store, but alas, he/she/it was gone. The only trace of this phantom was few tiny drops of fresh blood on the stall floor.

fruitcake mail

Today was a pretty he, she, it-ty day, if you get my drift.
I'll spare you the details.

Anyway, the one bright spot was when I got home...opened my mailbox and found my first christmas card of the season....and not only the first, but maybe the best christmas card
ever:

Yes, that's right, it's a blow up fruitcake.










The jokes just write themselves, don't they?
That makes it even better, if that's possible.
Thanks, V!

soldier of Sade

She's been gone since 2000 or so, but she's back. I have to be honest and say that her last album was kind of boring, but nothing could compare to the love I have for her first three or so. Of course, I'm not exactly the most objective person in the world when it comes to her.

I've had a horrible crush on her for 25 years or so.
I think she's one of the most beautiful and chic women alive.
Still.
Anyway this new song sounds pretty good, but even if it's not, I'm just glad to have her back.
Go here to hear.

for my own future reference

Be very careful when saying "He, She, It" too quickly in front of a class of
12 year olds.

rerun

Is it Christmas yet? Because these are too fabulous:





There's more here, if you think you can handle it.