Open Post: Hosted By The Lifetime Version Of Justin Timberlake - The future Emmy-sweeping biopic of my Cheetos dust-covered dreams, Lifetime’s Britney, isn’t going to grace our television screens until 2017 and that is a...
Jan 3, 2005
Ok, so it's been a very long time since my last post. I've been a very bad poster.
Of course, much has happened...some of it good, most of it not, but here's something from about a year ago:
It was a Wednesday night....nearly midnight, a full moon in the sky when I had my fortune told for the first time. Of course, flake that I am in my heart, I've always wanted to, but have never had it done.
I'd like to attribute it to skepticism, but if I'm really honest, it's more probably because I've always been afraid of
hearing bad news. But money talks.
My friend Michael called me up that night and told me that he and Dennis were going to have their fortunes told, by a friend of Dennis'. I had talked to Dennis about his friend before, so knew a bit about him. He had told me that he went to him not so much because he gave accurate readings for him, but because he was a friend of a friend, and he got a discount. Michael told me that he'd give the discount to us too, for being, you know, friends of a friend of a friend, I suppose. Like I said, money talks.
Whatever the case, I was excited....albeit nervous. We found ourselves on Bourbon Street at about 10 pm or so. He had set up shop in some sort of Satanic Halmark shop, if that paints a picture for you.
Although it was nearly midnight on a Wednesday on Bourbon Street, there was a line waiting to see him. Dennis had picked this time because it was usually slow. Tonight, however, it was not slow. We debated on whether or not to stay. I swayed the vote to stay, even if it meant waiting. Eventually, we made it to see him. Each of us went alone. I was second. It seemed to take forever for Dennis to get out of there.
The first thing he told me, flipping over the card, was that I would be making a move.
Of course, eager as I have always been to get out of this hell hole, I asked if he saw me moving out of the city and to what
"Oh no, you'll die here," he said bluntly. "I meant to a new house." He saw me somehow moving to the Bywater,
not having a car....but somehow continuing with a PhD. Exactly how I would get to school from the Bywater
(of all ungodly places) without a car, he didn't explain.
Whatever the case, I was dubious about his abilities at that point. He then proceeded to tell me about my family
life, things that were eerily true and that he had no way to know. My ears perked. Suddenly I thought he might
not be a fraud...or at least a complete fraud.
Finally, we got the meat of the matter....my love life, or lack thereof. He asked me about my "boyfriend"
I told him nervously, "umm... I don't have one."
To this, he insisted curtly, almost angrily "well, you will soon." I couldn't help but smile at that, no matter how fraudulent he might be, this is what I wanted to hear, of course.)
He told me I'd have "good luck with the personals" at which I must have grimaced or flinched in pain. The "personals" have brought me lots of things, but "good luck" isn't one of them. I didn't go into the horrors that online dating poured upon my head. I would think that a psychic could see them hovering around me, like mosquitoes or something.
But he insisted that I get back on it. He suggested that I'd most probably
meet a Virgo (hmmm...my experience with them has not been that good, but what do I know?)...a Libra (don't know any male libras actually, but like Little Edie, I'd love to meet one)...or a Capricorn (again, not a sign
I'm familiar with). That said, I did when I got home end up
posting an ad on Match.com. Of course, I haven't hit pay dirt yet, but then again, Bywater is looking better and better.